Is it really that weird?

[Brunetteshel]

That my 3.5 year old hasn’t been to nursery or had any other childcare apart from myself?

when you tell people it’s like they cannot believe it. Why? When I was a kid in 90’s most of us were at ‘home’ no? I only went to pre school maybe around 3.5 few mornings a week I think.

for context child has complex medical needs and has always been easier staying at home (we go out everyday but terminology) with them. Also cheaper me not working than paying childcare which is insane (central ldn)

will also probably home educate but that’s a whole other thread haha

Are they an only child? DS is an only child and is absolutely miserable without at least 2 'rounds' of socialising with other kids every day.

I grew up being home educated and would just press the importance of socialisation/playdates. I did not get that regularly and really suffered in terms of social development. I also think it's important they're used to other adults/don't grow too strongly attached to only you, otherwise there may be issues later on. I appreciate this is a delicate balance with medical needs too though.

I don’t think it’s weird. Both my DD stayed with me and no other childcare until they were 4 and went to nursery. I worked 2 days a week when they were little which meant I could keep them home and didn’t need childcare

Are you not eligible for the 30 funded hours? Do they socialise much with other kids generally?

I don't think it's weird. Perhaps less common these days as often both parents are working.
My mum was a SAHM when I was little, like most of her friends, whereas now I don't know anyone that was able to afford to give up work and most are part time at least which is when childcare is needed.

I was a kid in the early 80s - we all went to nursery 5 mornings or 5 afternoons a week.
My DB had some medical conditions but still went to nursery in the mid 80s.

Hi yes an only and we both live many many miles from family so I admit it can be lonely. it’s difficult to be out for more than say 3/4 hours at a time due to feeding and meds etc but every single day we do a playgroup or a charity group/ special needs group etc. or we go to a museum or similar. Or just a walk if we can. He loves when it’s half term and other kids around so I do feel guilty sometimes.

I work(Ed) in retail my whole life so pretty low salary and in London nursery (even with the ‘free’ hours etc) would wipe out my entire wage and as I say would be a nightmare finding somewhere suitable.

I guess people mean well when making conversation at soft plays etc but the shock when you say he’s not in nursery- it makes me feel inadequate :(
then again the other day I also had someone ask me “are you sure they have ——- (one of his medical conditions), he doesn’t look like it!” So maybe people don’t realise how tactless they are haha.

In my area it was mostly working class / poor and most people’s mum predominantly stayed at home

Mine started the nursery class at the local primary the September after she was 3 so she was 3 years and 4 months.
It was 3 hours a day (the free 15 hours).
The two nursery classes was about 35 children.
I'd say is was split into about a third had been in daycare nurseries, a third at childminders for childcare and a third like mine who had been at home.
As long as you regularly go to activities like Stay and Play and Rhyme Time/Story Time etc then it's fine.
Edit to add : my childhood (early 80s) I went to playgroup from the age of 3. It wasn't every day but 3 hours a session and would have pretty much been similar to what nursery class/reception class is now before starting school the September after I was 5.

I don’t think I went to school until I was 4 and I didn’t go to childcare before then. My mum was a SAHM as were many of the mums in the village (or they worked part time). I was also an only child during this time. My mum took me to stay and play toddlers and playgroup and lots of other various groups so I could socialise. I think as long as you’re giving your child lots of opportunities to socialise with other children then it’s not an issue

They do but they don’t really have any speech as yet, just noises so this makes it difficult. to be honest at a lot of places we go to, the kids can be pretty horrible to him.

By your own admission your child is happier at home due to his medical needs. So actually the weird action here would surely be to take him to nursery.

And my mum was a SAHM from my birth till I was in secondary school but it was the do e thing around here to go to nursery. My DS and I also went to playgroup 3 mornings a week from about 2.5, DB didn't settle so didn't continue with it.
It's not so wild that they've not been anywhere but perhaps a bit more unusual as many families both parents tend to work these days.

Thank you yes we try to do something like this every day really. Lucky to have a lot of library and council funded stuff nearby (similar to what surestart would have been i guess)

I certainly think it’s unusual and not beneficial to your child, but people have the right to do things I personally wouldn’t.

I definitely think this but doubting myself as I’m a first time (and only!) mum. It’s difficult as we get criticised for everything one way or another it feels.

plus I’m bloody exhausted haha.

@Brunetteshel my mum was a SAHM mum from pregnant with me and pretty poor/working class area here.
Just thought though it might depend what you mean by 'nursery' - for me, in my area, it would mean free pre-school available to all children from age 3, not paid childcare. So almost every child locally accessed that but paid childcare was not really a 'thing'.

Neither of mine went to childcare before primary. We did various clubs, library sessions and went swimming a few times a week etc. They were very happy children and both at the top of their class getting 'greater depth' on all their reports. Now going into secondary and thriving. I never really bother worrying what other people are doing with their children. Sounds like it's working for you OP.

Nursery is great for their development. They’ll struggle to jump into full time school imo.

My daughter was 3 years 4 months when she started pre school when the funded hours kicked in. No childcare except grandparents before then, I didn't need to work then. Went back to work when she was 4. It's not weird as all, she is a perfectly rounded 6.5 year old now.

Totally understand but doubt they’ll be going this time around. Haven’t applied anywhere- Potentially the year after

I think it doesn't help that in England we use the word "nursery" for both childcare which can start from baby age and for pre-school education which is part of the school system.
But they are different things.

I agree with this but if @Brunetteshel you're happy that what you're doing is working for your wee one then do what you feel is best for them. It's worth considering ways to give them opportunities to mix with other children and to be apart from you in preparation for starting school, if going to school is your plan for them.

I think that's probably where I'm coming from. Locally 'nursery' tends to mean the free allocation that all children can access from age 3 & not any form of paid childcare (although you can now pay in some nursery settings for additional hours)

@Brunetteshel unless you plan to homeschool you should apply for a school place even if you decide to delay his start.
It will get him in "the system" which can make a big difference with any therapies or help etc he could get 🙂

It sounds really lonely for you both to be honest and I’m saying that with sympathy and not judgement. It’s not what the threads about but what’s the rationale for home schooling?