Row over nothing

[Themidnightstar]

I have just had a huge row with my bloke.
We're both exhausted and got ready to go to bed at the same time as our kids. I went to bed after reading my youngest books. Fell asleep quickly.
He woke me up by coming up the stairs loudly and hour later, he's a pretty loud person. I said 'you're really loud' when he came in. He replied 'I think you're exaggerating'. He then pulled the cover hard. I said hey and he shone a torch to highlight I had a lot of cover, he pulled the cover again.
I tried to sleep for around half an hour but felt like I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep as it was basically just a nap. So I said to him, 'by the way I'm sad I'm awake now, next time...' and before I had the chance to say he was saying 'I'm not listening to you, I'm not talking about this, talking over me so I couldn't say anything. He then swore at me a few times and said I was whingey, have issues with moodiness and everyone knows it. He talks constantly so I can't get a word in and this makes me really frustrated. Then I get worked up. I did call him aggy a few times.
So is that a normal response? I felt completely blindsided. And it annoyed me so much that he reacted like that. I just wanted to say next time please if someone says you're loud then it's normal to just say oh sorry and then carry on quietly. Then just say quietly 'you have most of the cover, I'm going to have a bit more' and pull it gently.
FYI I have been moody in the past. Maybe a normal amount maybe not We have two young kids and I'm knackered. I am usually happy and chirpy and try my best to be a cheerful person in the house.
Does he have an unreasonable reaction to a usually insignificant issue?
TIA

Sounds like you are both tired and grumpy. We all have days like that. If you're relationship is generally good then I would both try and get a good sleep and start afresh tomorrow.

You both sound like ten year old kids. ‘He did this, so I did that’. Sounds like you both need to grow up.

Ok. But how am I meant to convey the argument if I don't explain like that?

Wow this sounds just like me and the hubby at the mo. He too also talks completely over me and it's so hard to not get wound up. No advice, but I totally feel your pain.

YANBU in that he was being rude and unnecessary with how he spoke to you, and with pulling the covers, but YABU to try to raise things with someone who is trying to sleep. Best to talk as adults when everyone is awake and well rested.

I agree. He was actually on his phone so not sleeping at all.
I was debating leaving it til tomorrow but I just couldn't sleep and it annoyed me. I'm really careful to keep people sleeping when they are as it's so important! It's not even the being loud it's just the reaction. As ever.

How do you normally resolve problems?

Is this a common way of arguing/communicating annoyance between you?
How is your relationship generally?
If your communication is ineffective it might be worth having some counselling or working through a couples therapy self help book or something? Would he be willing to do this, if talked about in a calm moment?

Unless this happens a lot, it just sounds like you're both tired and need a really good sleep. Things should look better in the morning :).

To all, we have an up and down relationship. We have good team work. Our communication is bad with these things. He generally lashes out verbally or is a bit aggy or underhand. He'll talk over me. I am not naturally aggy, but I do get like this now as I'm so fed up with how it is. It's always from something small. He's so sensitive really if I'm thinking about it, he reacts rather than listening, thinking and responding. I find it really unattractive.

It sounds like you were both tired and grumpy and overreacting. If you were that tired, I don't know why you didn't just turn over and get back to sleep rather than decide to have a moan at him and tell him to not be noisy next time. If you share a bedroom with someone, it's inevitable that you will disturb or wake each other at times. DH woke me in the night recently by knocking something over. I was awake for a while because it startled me but I didn't have a go at him, I just turned over and tried to get back to sleep!

Just been on holiday in a European destination, and one trick I'm taking away is 2x single quilts.

For Christmas one of my gifts was a sleep mask with built-in headphones.

That'll sort the issue when your inconsiderate prick of a husband does this again..

Yeah you both might be tired, but a fkin head torch to prove you have too much covers, not cool. He's a dick.

He'll talk over me.

Next time he does this, wait, and when he has stopped talking,tell him that "you can't hear me when you talk over me, you can't hear me when you interrupt me"

if he starts again, repeat, over and over. Calm, collected. Not aggressive or shouting.

As I said before. Prick.

It sounds like you've dealt with this type of thing before? I find it SO hard when he's ranting and not listening, saying annoying things!
But I will try this. It's so hard to act very decent when he isn't because I feel he needs to be called out. But I realise this isn't the way.....
Thanks

Yes, my advice is through experience, I started watching a load of tictok videos on how to deal, and they really have helped, the most important is not to flash rage, maintain your peace and calm, let them blow, the more they do, while you're calm makes them look unreasonable

Thanks. Are you still with your aggy one? Hope it's not too bad. My guy is nice until we get into something and then he's like this and I think I hate him. It's the fight or flight thing.
Thing is if someone's decent and calm so will I be.
It's hard to remain calm and not respond as it feels like you're letting them walk all over you.
What happens in your arguments now? Does he realise he's acting like a twat and apologises?

I think an awful lot of couples would be happier with two duvets.