Need help with noisy neighbours - sounds like they're rowing

[SMLSML]

Hi all, bit of a tricky one, we are in a semi detached house and have never heard our neighbours until new ones moved in this July. They've been okay with the occasional thumping heard now and again but the last two weeks it's been very noticeable. Tonight has been awful, constant banging and thumping and I can faintly hear a lot of shouting (they have 2 young boys). I mean proper yelling at the kids and yelling back 😔 I think it's them running up and down the stairs a lot. I've got their number and we're on friendly terms, whenever we see each other she always says sorry if you can hear us and until now we couldn't really but I wondered if I'd be out of order to text her? Though everything I write comes across passive aggressive, totally without meaning to 🫠 wondered if someone could help me word the below any better 😅 I'd love to move but we wont be able to afford a detached for another couple of years. I totally get you expect some noise in a semi but this level is a lot, especially later in the evening 😔

'Hi _, hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year? Just wanted to check in as we've noticed some banging and thumping over the last couple of weeks, with a lot this evening, really didn't want to say anything but tonight it was pretty loud in our hallway so wanted to check everything was okay? As always please let us know if we're making any intrusive noise at all. Thank you and sorry again!'

Yeah I would not send that text as it does sound very nosey and prying .

Be factual and keep it short and don’t apologise for their noise ….
Tell her you can hear a lot of banging … and that sound travels easily though your walls …. But just want to ask if you can try and keep it quieter in the evening …..

@Fidgety31 thanks for this. Totally get you mean about the message but not sure how direct I can be... Literally just 'Hiya, hope you had a good Christmas bla bla... We've noticed a lot of noise coming from your side the last couple of weeks with tonight being particularly bad, would you please be able to keep it down?' I'm not sure if I could send that either 😅

Dont send a text.

can you listen to hear what the shouting is over? Is it husband/wife or them to kids? How old are kids?

could it be everyones going stir crazy not at work/school and needing to get out from under each others feet? Its probably something and nothing

Nah really, don’t send that text. It’s too pointed and prying and will make things even more awkward between you.

I would wait, kids are due back to school on Monday. Probably just all the Christmas excitement/ more time together. Maybe say something if it doesn't calm down after this.

@Joelle84 no, it's mostly the mum to the kids and then shouting back, along with constant thumping up and down the stairs. 9 and 5. Could be, though it's just odd as they've lived there six months and we didn't hear anything to begin with, whereas now it's almost daily with thumping and banging. Totally get you're going to hear neighbours in a semi but when it starts to creep into the evening and get even louder it really puts me on edge 😩 doesn't help I've got noise anxiety. I'd be happy to go round there instead of a text but worry if that's too direct 🙃

I actually think your text sounds okay OP. At the end of the day they need to know their noise, whatever the cause, is effecting others around them.

I'd not say anything for now. See how things are after the kids go back to school and everyone gets back into their normal routines. If it still continues then you should say something, not by msg. "Hi, I noticed there was a lot of noise and banging the other night, could even hear it over the TV" etc. Then wait for a response, don't apologise or continue talking. Hopefully they'll apologise and be more considerate.

Dont send that text. Be very polite and specific about the noise ‘in the moment’ eg tonight. I have noisy neighbours above and below but maintain good relationships with them. Perhaps something along the lines of ‘Dear blah, I hope you are ok. I can hear a lot of noise tonight, the walls are very thin. please could you keep it down. Thank you 🙏🏼’

Go and talk to them (nicely, though, yes?)

I think you should speak to them face to face in a friendly way if you're going to mention it.

Texting them is probably going to go badly.

I would probably send the following.

Hey, I can hear a lot of commotion from your side of late, I hope all is OK, I'm here if you ever need a moment away from the kids/partner. Just knock.

I think your text sounds very good.

But I would replace the ‘sorry again’ at the end with take care. Sorry can sometimes sound a bit like grovelling, and I think it does in this instance.

Neighbour noise is always worse in the winter. The sound carries much more because cold air holds less humidity - humidity dampens sound over distance.

Also people generally spend more time indoors when the weather is cold, so the noise can become incessant, especially over Christmas. That's usually the worst period. The kids are on holiday & bored, tempers fray, they're running around fighting, thumping up & down indoors instead of playing outside.

I've had really unreasonable levels of neighbour noise everywhere I've lived for the past 20 years. Not kidding, it's been maximum volume speaking voice is SHOUTING, blaring TV, fighting, door slammers next door everywhere i've lived. In contrast I'm extremely quiet & very much adverse to disturbing others. Wtf.

It's taken me too many years to figure out that me being superquiet & overly considerate is part of the problem so these days when the noise gets too much & begins to annoy me, i play music just loud enough to drown most of it out, specifically so that i don't get annoyed.

I use a tiny Bluetooth speaker that easily fits in the palm of my hand. I don't blare it at top volume, I play it at the minimum volume that masks their noise. Incredibly the current lot bang on the wall when i play music, so i guess even the slightest sound permeating through to them from my place is deemed antisocial, all while non-stop they scream at each other, stamp around, bash the same chords on the piano for hours, play the surround sound tv at top cinematic volume & leave their 2 dogs unwalked & barking in the garden all day.

I have found that people who scream & make a racket all day are unlikely to change just because their behaviour bothers others. Hopefully your mileage will vary. Attempting to respectfully ask for change has actually made things worse any time I've tried though so now i don't bother. Maybe you'll have better luck as the wife has expressed awareness of their noise to you. That does offer hope. In your position I'd try to catch her alone on the street to discuss it, rather than post a note or go round & knock.

doesn't help I've got noise anxiety

What does this mean and how does it present itself?