To feel particularly extra depressed this January

[Circles2squares]

I’ve had a lot of things building up for me the last few months and I’ve spend most of 2024 being sad.

1. I’ve a mum who is 70 and will need caring for soon. She suffers from poor mental health and has always got something wrong with her. She’s never been v kind to me as a child and I was left to get on with it from 16/17 when she had my only sibling who was born with lots of disabilities she knew about while pregnant.
2. I will need to pick up/help with the care from my sister who lives 50 miles away in residential care but my mum has her visit 2 times a week which my mum expects me to start showing help with this. I don’t have time to do a 100 mile round trip on a weekly basis. Nor do I want them visiting me every weekend.
3. In the next 10 years i think I’ll prob have grandchildren that I want to be involved with as when I had my children I had no support at all from either of my or my ex h parents. It was v hard. My dc have little relationship with my mum because of her lack of involvement with them and she now wonders why.
4. I have a business which is really hard work and I have a lot of people who work with me. Im struggling running the business it’s very hard work. I work min 50 hours a week. I’m going through menopause and really struggling.
5. My partner works long unsociable hours. I am alone a lot and was alone over the Christmas/NY period. This has really been the thing that’s got me so low. - the amount of time on my own at home. I’ve left the house 2 times in the last 2 weeks, little to no interaction with anyone.

my mum has called me asking her to take her to shops. I’ve said no. I fed up of running about after people.
my 2 adult dc have spent a lot time at their dads or their BFs houses. I’ve not been asked my them to sit and watch a movie, pop out for a bite to eat walk the dogs etc. I’ve left it to see if they ask and they haven’t.
I’ve not heard from any friends either despite them asking and me saying I was alone on New Year’s Eve.
im menopausal and don’t even have any time for me. I’m working too much and I can’t cut back. I sit on the sofa when I get home and fall asleep im so exhausted.

I feel I do so much for everyone. Even strangers I try to be kind but I’ve not been thought of once by anyone. My dp took today off work to have a day/evening out and I’ve been so sad and depressed I just can’t face it, I’ve ended up staying in all day upset and sinking further into a depression by telling him to leave and I’d rather be single than have this awful routine of the pretence of a relationship where I work and then sit alone at home on my days off. I really feel what’s the point of my life. I’m only here for when someone wants something from me.

in the next few years I’ll a cater for my mum and brother, babysitter for my dgc and still have to work 40-45 hours a week to survive.
Why go into another year of this rubbish.

Don't. You don't need to do it. Sit with that thought for a bit.

Just because people expect you to do something, doesn't mean you have to. The more you give, the more they'll take. If you dropped down dead tomorrow, their lives would still go on without you there to facilitate them.

Make this the year you prioritise your own health. Say no.

I can’t just say no. I have to work and I hate to say this but I really despise my mum for everything. I didnt expect her to be free childcare. I hardly even asked for babysitting as when I did she made it perfectly clear she didnt want to even if it was just a couple of hours.I thought she would have gave my children the time and care she didn’t give me but she didn’t. She gives my sister all her time yet my sister doesn’t care for her, she would accept that our mum had died and move on as I’ve seen her like this with other relatives. It’s sad to say that but true. Her disabilities make her like that she tells mum to F off, is rude and hits her. Yet whatever I do is never good enough. I sound like a petulant child but I’m so worn out. I’ve had years of this hurtful behaviour from my mum but now she is on her own she is suddenly interested in me.
I’ve had my children left a really horrible partner (dad to children) rebuilt my life and it’s time for me to live a bit but what’s the point. I’d rather my partner moved out and left me, my children go to live with their dad, I’d cut my mum off and I can be on my own. I’m so sick of everything.

earlier on one of my daughters came to the house and I heard her ask where I was (I was in bed crying) my partner didn’t know I was crying and said to her I was in bed (it was 8.50) and she didn’t even come in to see if I was ok. She just left to go to her BF not caring.