Joining ex’s running club

[Soggylettuce]

I separated from ex husband about 5 yrs ago. We still live in the same town. About 2 years ago I trialled a local running club and mentioned it to him. He told me he had also just trialled it and not to join as he didn’t want me there. I agreed to this thinking I’d be able to get a group of women together to run with. Well, I failed. I really struggle to run alone generally, and I struggle to run in the daylight hours because of work in the winter, so I’m now only running at the weekends but I hate doing it on my own so I mostly don’t. AIBU to join the bloody club?? I’m a slow poke so we won’t even be in the same ‘team’, I’ll be with the other plodders.
I don’t want to be a d*ck so I thought I’d check with you.

Have you seen or spoken to him since?

He doesn't get to dictate this, if you're comfortable with him being in the same club then go for it!

It depends. If you’re sure you don’t have feelings for him anymore and won’t get involved with him again I don’t see why not. Otherwise why don’t you just do another type of exercise

Since he joined the running club? Yes I always stop and chat to him if I see him around. It’s a small town. We are not friends, we don’t socialise. But I would never blank him.

It’s not his club and he doesn’t get to say who can and can’t join.

Join the running club if you want to - he doesn’t get to say what you can and can’t
do!

We are divorced and I have another partner now. My partner thinks it’s insane for my ex to tell me what to do and says I should join the club.

Why would you want to be anywhere near him. I get that he doesnt own the club but at the same time Id stay away.

He can't dictate what you do but I do think you need to think about it as it's a little odd.

Then yeah I’d join. If you had kids and were fighting about coparenting every week, or were shouting at eachother in the street then I’d say no. But it’s been years and it isn’t as fresh now so go for it

I don’t particularly want to be near him. I want to run in safety with a local running club and there aren’t any others in my town.

Sometimes relationships don’t work out, they don’t always end in people hating each other.

Does he own the club? No? Not his then. And he doesn't get to decide who can join or not.

Although, I have to admit that I would feel quite awkward doing this. Are there any other clubs locally? Several of my local coffee shops have social running groups. And most of the local villages have similar where they just meet in the village centre to run together. I would have a look at local social media and see what else there is first, but he absolutely doesn't get to dictate who joins a club unless it really is his!

Indeed. But he's asked you to stay clear so he's not exactly being amicable.

It was 2 years ago and they chat in the street with no issues

Yeah, this isn't something that he owns so he just needs to deal with it like a grown up, whether he likes you being there or not. If you live in the same town, then you have to do whatever's available.

He can leave the club if he doesn't like you joining it. You have already sacrificed several years because he didn't want you to join. Just join and he can deal with his own issues.

Myself and my ex were in the same running club and I didn't want to be around him when we broke up, so I left and joined another, and I'm very happy there now a couple of years on.

I’d join and see how things go. He didn’t have the right to tell you not to join at the beginning. He could have looked elsewhere for a different club. If you feel unsure maybe explain to the organisers you’re concerned he will kick off.

This happened in our running club. The committee stepped in and asked the newer joiner to leave as it was causing distress to the original member and they had to consider the welfare of their members.

Would you be happy if you’d joined first and asked your ex not to join?
He doesn’t own it but you don’t need to join it, you will make things difficult and you won’t come out of it looking good.

Seeing as you are amicable I would message him and ask is he still at X running club and did it turn out to be a good club, you are planning to join the ‘slow group’ so you can run in a safe group.