You're so lucky!

[Kitchenspade]

In need of a rant! I'm fed up of hearing this from my mum. You're so lucky! I'm really not! Yes I have 4 wonderful children, a husband and we have our own businesses. We are no where near wealthy but we are 'lucky' enough to rent a lovely house.

But she uses this term in nearly every sodding message and every time I see her! Yes I am lucky but I also work bloody hard! There wasn't luck really just bloody hard work from the age of 15!

We work 6 to 7 days a week each and life is hard. She is unemployed, lives in her ex husbands house and pays rediculpusly low rent and her kids are all grown. 2 live with her. She's never worked a day in her life.

I'm just fed up with her making out we are up greatful!

Sorry just needed a rant and to know I'm not just a greedy sour puss!

Isn't the good health of your kids and husband somewhat due to luck?

Well yes you aren't wrong. But Imagine every message you receive is go make you feel ungreatful. For the last 20 years.

And to be honest we haven't had great health with 2 of our children.

Honestly, I would just tell her! Say it’s mainly down to hard work.

I hear ya!
It's bloody irritating.
My dsis's say I'm "sitting pretty".
Mortgage paid off, few quid in the bank, holidays etc.
But I've worked bloody hard my whole adult life, I'm knocking 60 and I'm still working full time.
They're not "sitting pretty" due to some bad choices.
It's like my life just fell into my lap and they resent me for it.

@Missionimprobable come join me at my coffee table. I'm 33 so I still have a long way to go!

Except life isn't like this for a lot of people. Many 'work hard' and haven't made bad choices and still live month to month.

That doesn't mean it's not annoying when people make comments like that. But it's an annoying assumption that people can live mortgage free and have multiple holidays a year if they just 'work hard'.

@TinkerTiger I get that! And I agree with you. But when your mother does bugger all I was a child carer for my siblings and ended up caring for her mum when I was 18. Hmworked since I was 15 and grafted to make ends meet. BTW I have bad 2 holidays in my life and we will never get a mortgage.

It just bloody grates on me to hear it all the time. And if the pension age keeps rising I probably will never retire either

My mother thinks I “always have luck’. I find it simultaneously hilarious and maddening, because (1) my ‘lucky’ achievements are all the wrong things for her to be pleased by (several degrees, award-winning books rather than four children and being a SAHM who always on hand for bingo and complaints about teething), plus (2) she thinks things like living in a nicer suburb than I grew up in, being married to DH, and having the occasional thing on the radio means I risk looking to other people like I’ve got Ideas Above My Station.

Basically she prefers other people to have bad luck. It keeps them humble and makes her feel needed.

Very irritating. I have an older sibling like this. Instead of saving for house or nice things, that they say we are 'lucky' to have. They frittered their money on very expensive tropical holidays, whilst taking the piss about us going on 'sun' caravan holidays & buying second hand cars, when we first started out. They had good jobs, got paid much more, they said, than our shitty jobs. Yet they somehow never managed to buy a house. Now we are apparently sitting pretty & it's causing a few issues. FFS I'm 55 DH knocking 60 & worked bloody hard since we were 16. Thought we'd be past this at this great age, but no. Plus snarky comments about us now going on nice holidays. I always say yes & the harder we work the luckier we get. Goes over their head.

It’s not black and white though is it, yes some of it is of course down to luck but some is working hard, making choices and prioritizing different things. It’s annoying when some people suggest it’s mainly down to luck. We are mid 30s and will have paid our mortgage off by the time we’re 40. We prioritized buying a house and overpaying the mortgage and both of us working full time and almost full time whilst we have young kids. We chose careers that paid decently and worked our way up. SIL seems bitter about this and says it’s pure luck but she has chosen to work 20 hours a week and has always had big holidays, It’s not a straight comparison and most definitely not just down to luck.

I hear you, it's infuriating.
Family friend hasn't worked for 12 years. 1 child who is now 11. Her husband has a sub 30k job

We both work full time in stressful but average salary jobs.

Their house is falling apart. We've done ours up. We're so lucky.

They have a cheap end but abroad holiday, we have a longer holiday. We're so lucky.

She cuts her own hair, I get mine done now and again. We're so lucky.....

Similar at work - I pay a cleaner. Colleagues say I'm so lucky... but they're buying lunch every day whereas I'm the queen of Tupper ware dinners from home 🤣

My way isn't better but it's different.

Start saying it back to her! No kids - you're so lucky you can do what you want when you want. Owns her home - she's so lucky!

One day I'll say "yep, funny that. The harder I work, the luckier I get".

100% this.

'Well mum. The harder we work the luckier we seem to get'

See if the penny drops.

OP I could have written this myself. I am with you 100%! Well done for getting the life you have through work and determination!

I get it to a degree, I think it's my mums weird way of saying well done. But I'd far rather her actually recognising that I am where I am because I bloody grafted my arse off. Something that I did without any influence from her. She wouldn't know a hard day's work if it tickled her in the armpit!

I think people see a person doing ok/well for themselves and think "oh they are so lucky". But it wasn't luck! It was work! Work! Work! To be lucky, would be to wind the lottery!

Obviously, health is another matter. I do believe some health matters are down to luck. But...I also believe the work I've done to stay fit and healthy plays a part in why I'm doing alright in that department too.

I think there's a place for hard work and a place for luck and it's important to acknowledge both. I work extremely hard, I've also through absolutely no fault of my own landed on really hard times this past year and am now homeless and single with a toddler. I am working just as hard as I ever did (in fact harder than ever to take on a bigger salary and more responsibility) and I've no doubt hard work will pull me out of it. But even I'm able to step back and count myself lucky that I've had family and friends to lean on, I'm lucky that my health is good enough that I can work and show up for ds the way I need to, that i was able to get a good job so quickly, that I was born into enough privilege that I had opportunities via education that I could utilise, that I had parents who pushed me out to work and modelled hard work for me and instilled that in me in the first place.

I'm sorry op I think it's bound to be hard to hear that she isn't acknowledging the work you do, but she isn't wrong in that you're also very lucky.

Many people can’t access things that allow them to ‘choose’ careers that pay well. Society couldn’t function if everyone had those jobs. It would always be relative. It’s not all one or the other, it’s a combination of both. Luck allows you to make certain choices.

I am not well-off but am happy with my set up. I work 7 days a week to accommodate my simple lifestyle. And like you I have a friend that has chosen to have a child and work minimal hours who comments on the way I choose to spend my money. Yes, she could work more hours and have more choices too. So I understand where you’re coming from.

But I still also understand that for many people it isn’t as simple as ‘choose a better career’

I have this too... I have people telling me how lucky I am and it can feel a bit irritating and frustrating. Yes there has been luck but there has been heartache and strife along the way. People say I'm lucky to have a good husband but I think well I deliberately didn't choose the charming, ultra fun, player sort of man, I haven't had the life of having lots of expensive holidays instead we put more money into our house. I don't drink so I have more energy and more money. So yes I have been lucky but I have also made decisions to help me with the luck.

Unlike other members of our family who have relied on their parents, my husband and I (not perfect at all by any means) have relied on ourselves and our own hard work to slowly build a business together. Long days and long hours of work. So yes lucky but also down to better choices (not luck) and hard work (some luck but mainly hard graft, making mistakes and trying things out and then constantly improving things).

Why do majority of people have to be self entitled now days.

I experience it in families, friends and the work place.

Grrrr.... Too many over opinionated people in the world today.

I don't understand people getting chippy about being called lucky, I take it as a compliment, people recognise you have lovely things. I don't think it takes away from the hard work. I've worked hard to get to where I am, but I am lucky that my children are here, and healthy, and lovely. I am lucky that I have good health, good intelligence, and confidence to be able to have worked to get to where I've got to. It's not an insult.

@Lavender14 I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and I hope things pick up for you soon.

But I'm not sure people are understanding from my post. I could equally say to my mum that she's lucky. She has a basically free home for her entire life. I spent most of my childhood looking after siblings and the home. She's never had to work. My grandparents raised me before becoming ill. I left home at 18 because her then husband was absuing me. And I decided that I was going to make a better life. There is always an element of luck. But it's not just luck. It hurts because she's supposed to be my mum. Not someone who belittles you constantly.

But you are lucky. I work hard, but my husband was dead at 40, and his long drawn out death impoverished and disabled me. But guess what, I'm also lucky: if we weren't born here he'd have died long before I got the chance to meet him. And I'm still here and alive and making my life, and I'm grateful for that.

I'm lucky. You're lucky. Take a minute to feel it. It's really something. Most people never get what we have.