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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Different sick languages

18 replies

Foodoverload · 03/01/2025 17:37

DP and I been together for over 3 years. Don’t live together and no kids. He stays at mine 4 nights a week. I don’t go to his much as it’s rural and miles away from both our works. Both been ill since before Christmas and not getting better. Only seen him twice in 2 weeks as he keeps cancelling plans.

Saw him with my dad Christmas Eve. Both coming down with a cold. We spent christmas apart as I had a house of relatives and friends full, he went to his dad who wouldn’t come to mine and would have been alone. Planned to spend new years together at a pub with friends. It’s what we have done and suits us.

Boxing day and I come down with a chest infection on antibiotics. It’s a day my dad wanted to spend just us as I don’t see him much. DP was supposed to come on 28th and stay till today. He cancelled on me as had a chest infection and felt rotten also on antibiotics. He came to mine for New Year’s Eve where plans were cancelled and we stayed in with a shot of night nurse. He went home news years day to sleep and wfh.

had plans today but both still rotten, I am on my 2nd course of antibiotics. He cancelled to say he is still ill and let’s play it by ear on when we see each other as no point if both ill.

i feel we should be ill together for company and I could do with a cuddle. He says he wants space to get better and thinks we are spreading bugs so why we are not getting better. he told me not to pressure him in coming round.

I am worried distance is not great and he is liking the space. no issues before except when we saw each other new years he was quiet.

I do wonder if I Am I bored and needing company so overthinking. Or I do wonder if he likes the space?

OP posts:
HackGrey · 03/01/2025 17:41

If I was ill I'd personally want space and to be alone.

DH does too, we both get very grumpy when we're ill. I don't think it means anything.

starlight889 · 03/01/2025 17:56

When I am ill all I want is to curl up in my bed alone and sleep/relax. It doesn’t mean when I am better I don’t want to then spend time with my partner.

Whereohwhereohwhere · 03/01/2025 18:01

As above. Don't read too much into it. He's sick. You are sick. I'd say he just feels rotten. I have this awful virus going round and has knocked me for six. Barely spoken to DH.

PsychoHotSauce · 03/01/2025 18:10

When I'm ill I want to wallow in peace. Having said that I've been in "relationships" where if the man knows one/both of us won't be up for sex, he didn't see much point in seeing me at all. So who knows.

Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours · 03/01/2025 18:20

Can't imagine anything worse than being ill and expected to cuddle I'm afraid.

Sounds like lingering illnesses and poor timing. You are reading too much into it.

Foodoverload · 03/01/2025 18:23

When I am ill I do want company or a cuddle. I can’t sit still. I just miss him. Not normally this needy. We haven’t been this ill before.

I do know it’s not about the sex for him.

OP posts:
JMSA · 03/01/2025 18:27

I hope you both feel better soon! Flowers

nationalsausagefund · 03/01/2025 18:41

Hope you feel better soon! When I’m ill I can’t bear people around me, I’d murder someone trying to cuddle me if I had the strength. He just wants to rest and sleep and get better, that’s solo stuff.

GiddyRobin · 03/01/2025 18:42

DH and I are more like you, OP. We both bumble through the days with a cold, but collapse together and complain to each other during the day. If we're properly sick, we wallow together while kids are in school (we take the same sick day off if needed), or when they're in bed.

On the other hand, I know lots of people who really do want to be alone. A friend of mine takes to her bed and tells everyone to bugger off. Takes a kettle and snacks to her room and sorts herself out; her DH on the couch.

Foodoverload · 03/01/2025 18:48

It’s just cause I have not seen him properly for 2 weeks. Albeit he did want to be some new years, but came round as he knew it was important to me. We did sit in silence.

think I am fed up with being alone! It’s 2 weeks of this!!!

OP posts:
KezzaMucklowe · 03/01/2025 18:51

I've had this horrible virus, it's bloody rotten.
I'm the same as you. I'd much rather have someone around so we can wallow in self pity together.
I quite enjoy my own company but I do like a bit of company when I'm ill.
He's not being unreasonable though snd I wouldn't read in to it at all. He's just a bit different to you.

Foodoverload · 03/01/2025 18:58

I have ordered a Chinese to cheer me up. I hope this round of antibiotics does the trick.

I like my own company as introverted. He is more of an extrovert. He just called to say he has no food in and very little take out in his rural village. I did gloat with Chinese order.

OP posts:
Notmydaughteryoubitch · 03/01/2025 19:52

I also wouldn't want to be ill in someone else's home, when DH and I were first getting together we didn't live together for the first 4 years or so and like you by the 3 year point would typically spend 4 days together a week, I often stayed at his due to work etc. Whilst I felt super comfortable at his, it wasn't my home and I wouldn't have wanted to have a protracted illness at his house. I would want my own creature comforts, including my own bed for sure.

KezzaMucklowe · 03/01/2025 20:25

Notmydaughteryoubitch · 03/01/2025 19:52

I also wouldn't want to be ill in someone else's home, when DH and I were first getting together we didn't live together for the first 4 years or so and like you by the 3 year point would typically spend 4 days together a week, I often stayed at his due to work etc. Whilst I felt super comfortable at his, it wasn't my home and I wouldn't have wanted to have a protracted illness at his house. I would want my own creature comforts, including my own bed for sure.

I completely understand this and as much as I crave interaction when I'm ill on reflection i think I'd much prefer to be at home when I'm ill. In my own surroundings where I can sleep on the sofa or go to bed and just do what I want when I want to.
I do hope you feel better soon, it is horrible.

LondonLawyer · 03/01/2025 21:01

I adore my DH, he's absolutely wonderful. But when I feel ill, I want the world to sod off out of it and leave me alone. I definitely don't want cuddles, chats, enquiries, etc. If I have a bad cold or a chest infection or whatever, I want to crawl under a duvet, get an early night, and be on my own. It's not remotely anti-DH, it's anti-the-world.

starlight889 · 03/01/2025 21:14

Foodoverload · 03/01/2025 18:58

I have ordered a Chinese to cheer me up. I hope this round of antibiotics does the trick.

I like my own company as introverted. He is more of an extrovert. He just called to say he has no food in and very little take out in his rural village. I did gloat with Chinese order.

Enjoy your food! Hope it makes you feel a little better. What did you get? I’m always so intrigued to see how my order differs to others!

Foodoverload · 03/01/2025 21:21

@starlight889 won tons, special sweet and sour and boiled rice. With a chaser of mini hero’s. I feel very bloated now

OP posts:
KezzaMucklowe · 03/01/2025 22:16

Foodoverload · 03/01/2025 21:21

@starlight889 won tons, special sweet and sour and boiled rice. With a chaser of mini hero’s. I feel very bloated now

Hope it helps.

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