My DS has always been a challenging person, and it’s only gotten worse over the years. Growing up, she caused my parents a lot of stress. One particular memory that stands out is when, as a teenager, she threw my DM’s phone into a pond and destroyed ornaments that she had bought my DM for Mother’s Day, which were meant to be sentimental gifts. Our dad passed away in 2016, and I’ve always had a stronger relationship with my parents. I enjoy spending time with them, but my DS never did, which led to jealousy. She’s often accused me of being the “favourite,” which has led to a lot of bullying behaviour from her. She would lie about things to make me look bad—one time, a couple of years ago, I asked for a £40 jacket for Christmas (our budget was £50), and she told my DM I’d asked for a £150 one, even though I had shown my DM the link to the £40 jacket, just to make me look bad.
Fast forward to now—she’s 33, I’m 29, and she’s pregnant with her first DC, due in February. Her behaviour has only gotten worse, especially during her pregnancy. She and her fiancé got engaged last year, and my DM organised a family celebration dinner for a week later. My DS made a huge fuss about us not sending her a congratulations card in the post(even though we had both bought one to give her in person at the meal). She threw such a tantrum about the cards that she refused to attend the dinner, which ended up being cancelled and my DM losing the deposit - she didn’t speak to my DM
for 4 months after this (because of a card). She also went ballistic at me and my DM because we didn’t get her an engagement gift. It got to the point where I ended up sending £100 in vouchers just to stop the constant nasty messages, but I regret it.
Her behaviour has only worsened during her pregnancy. She’s become abusive over the smallest things and regularly accuses me of not sticking up for her. After an argument with our DM, for no reason, she bombarded me with texts, and when I calmly explained I wasn’t going to get involved (since last time I did, she cut me off for months), she blocked me for three months after sending the nastiest abusive texts ever. I hadn’t seen her for a couple of months, but I saw her on Boxing Day. She moaned about the presents my DM got her saying they weren’t very expensive and then moaned about the food. I tried to be supportive about the pregnancy, but it was hard. The day ended with me saying ‘I can’t wait to be an auntie’ to her telling me, “Well, it’s my baby. You won’t be spending any time alone with it.” When I asked why, she said, “You have PCOS, if you were meant to be around children, you’d be fertile.” She also called me a “pedo” for wanting to be around the baby. I was devastated, especially since she knows how much I want to be a DM myself and how hard I’ve worked to improve my chances of conceiving (I haven’t started trying yet). She also told my DM she couldn’t be around the baby because she’s “too old” (60s, works full time, and goes to the gym three times a week) and can’t be trusted around babies. She regularly tells my mum to ‘go die ’. The disrespect she has is disgusting and I’m sick of it.
I had major surgery in August, and when she came round, I needed help answering the door, she refused to answer the door because was “3 months pregnant,” leaving me to struggle to get up and walk, 3 days after the operation.
This constant bullying and manipulation have drained me, and I’m exhausted. These are just a few examples, but they reflect years of toxic behavior from her and I could write pages and pages of everything she has done.
So, AIBU if I cut her out of my life? Part of me feels guilty because I want to have a relationship with my DN when he’s born, he feels like a link to my DD who passed, but I feel like her behaviour is seriously affecting my mental health. Any advice would be appreciated.