Historic sexual abuse

[Feelingthejoy]

NC for this one. I was sexually assaulted as an innocent 9 year old by a stranger. He took me to a house and molested me in an outside toilet. I never told my parents as I was too embarrassed and felt somehow it was my fault for not refusing to go with him . I feel guilty that I never reported it and wonder if he went on to commit more serious assaults. I’m 62 now so the chances are he’s already dead. I wonder about the house he took me too and feel he must have known the house to know no one was home. Is there any use reporting it now. I would appreciate advice and kindness.

I am sorry to hear of what you experienced.

I would suggest reporting it. If you feel ready, it is not too late.

One thing to note @Feelingthejoy is that this is the AIBU? forum, which is not "Mumsnet" as a whole. It is a sub section. So you may get varied responses here. In future I would suggest posting in the Relationships forum where several similar posts have appeared and received lots of (very empathetic and respectful) replies.

There are teams in police forces that deal specifically with historic sexual abuse like this. If you want to do it, it is not too late - even if the person is dead. There might have been other people who have come forward, and your story would corroborate theirs (and vice versa). In any event they will listen to you and record your account, no matter how much time has passed. Sorry this happened to you, and good luck with whatever you decide.

JacquesHarlow thank you so much for your reply, this is my first ever personal post though I have replied to other so I wasn’t quite sure where I was posting.
I will certainly consider reporting it, I think I’ve been dwelling on it for a reason recently and it may give some closure. Thanks again

ChiliFiend Thank you for the kind reply and advice. Think I just wanted to get it out there and hear what others thought. Hoping the horrible man didn’t hurt others and saw the error of his ways.

I'm so sorry that happened to you and that you have kept it to yourself for so long. What happened to you wasn't your fault and if the perpetrator went on to abuse others, that isn't your fault either. These are his choices and you are not in any way responsible for his behaviour.

I would consider reporting it to the police. It seems unlikely to result in a prosecution if he was a stranger and there is no way of identifying him now. It's very possible that he is dead. But if it will help you to talk to the police, do it - they have specialist trained officers who deal with sexual abuse.

I would also consider some counselling - these are some resources that might help you. Take care of yourself lovely 💐

www.bigtalkeducation.co.uk/parents/helplines-and-support-for-parents/#:~:text=NAPAC%20

Endofyear
awww thank you, you have understood my worries and guilt well. I did tell my closest school friend at the time, we are still friends and she helped me understand that some of my behaviour in the past which I’m not so proud of, early sexualisation and not valuing myself properly was probably due to the assault. I have a lovely life now and the best family but I often wonder should I have reported him. One last worry, if anyone has any knowledge, is that I may have to return to the area it happened, I live a few hundred miles away now and have no wish to return.

Give these people a call. It’s for adults who have experienced abuse as a child.
https://napac.org.uk

There’ll be no judgement and I think you’ll find their support invaluable.

WilfredsPies
thank you so much.

I'm so sorry you went through this. I was abused by my friend's dad between the ages of 13/14. I know he's dead now,after a bit of research on Facebook. I'm glad he's dead but I'm also annoyed that he presumably has never been punished for it...

That’s a dreadful thing to happen to you and I’m sorry to hear you went through that ChristmasPudd1990. If it’s any comfort to you I had a critical illness several years ago and was at deaths door for a few weeks, I saw myself clearly and felt haunted by my selfish actions in life ( nothing like your friends fathers crimes), it was like a kind of purgatory which has stayed with me, I do try and often fail to be a better person but I hope your abuser went through something similar and regretted his horrible actions. I wish you well in future.