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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex husbands new girlfriend saying "Love you lots" to our DS

29 replies

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 03/01/2025 12:17

My ex husband has a new girlfriend of around 3 months. This is one of many girlfriends since we split. He took it upon himself to introduce her to DS 12 on his weekend. She now has his mobile number also and has messaged him (about his dad etc I am keeping an eye on messages). I overheard a phone call with DS, his dad and her and at the end of the call she said "Bye, love you lots" to our DS. AIBU or is that just a bit weird

OP posts:
ShesNotACowShesAFox · 03/01/2025 12:20

Weird. And if your 12yo is anything like mine he’ll be cringeing himself inside out and seeing right through that. That would warrant the eye roll of eye rolls from my Eye Rolling Olympic gold medal winning preteen.

But you have an exDH problem. What is he thinking being so insensitive!

Balloonhearts · 03/01/2025 12:23

It's weird but some people are just over the top like that. I had a work colleague once who would kiss everyone goodbye and tell them she lived them at the end of work parties. She wasn't the least bit sincere, just a bit OTT all the time. We were all just like yeah, bye.

EG94 · 03/01/2025 12:28

Sounds like she won’t be a permanent fixture. Dad seems fickle and unable to hold down a relationship so I doubt she’ll be around for long.

having his number I find stranger.

but she’s saying love you lots not fucking hate you wish you didn’t exist.

maybe try to make peace with the fact she’s around for how long you don’t know but least she’s nice and making an effort. Whilst your DS might cringe least she’s actually trying to be kind.

does reek of try to hard tho and sure he will see through it.

my ex SC’s never had their numbers after 2 years, the littlest once told me bye love you. It caught me off guard, he struggled the most with his parents break up. I just said love you too have a great week. I didn’t love him but I didn’t want him to feel rejected because I know that wouldn’t have been easy for him to say. It could of been a slip of the tongue and he didn’t mean to even say it but my overriding thought was to not reject him

Mydogisamassivetwat · 03/01/2025 12:36

I know it’s hard but you have to let it go.

I had it all with my ex h, he even had ds sending Mother’s Day cards, which he told ds to write “to mummy” in to a girlfriend abroad that ds never actually met.

Another one would dramatically shout, “I love you, my darling!” our the car window after dropping ds back to me.

We had birthday cards to ds to, with “love you more than anything!”

I let it all slide as a) ex h was a knob who tried his hardest to get a rise out of me and it never worked and b) some Wonen, at the beginning of a relationship, will love bomb a man’s children to show the man how wonderful they are and what a great mother to his future children they will be.

Both are fucking tedious and exhausting to watch.

Oldenpeculiar · 03/01/2025 12:47

I get how you feel, because I've been in the same boat, but I tried (and sometimes failed, miserably in private) to reframe it as the child having someone else in their life who is kind and considerate towards them - and that's not a bad thing in the bigger picture.
I learned I have very little control over who my ex brought into our child's life, but it would always be better if that person were at least outwardly kind and didn't treat them with indifference or worse.
DS will probably realise it's insincere, he's 12, he'll make his own judgement on that. You know it is as do the rest of us, but I think there's times you have to let things like this slide, because addressing it and the fall out from that is likely to be harder for him to deal with.

Jolietta · 03/01/2025 12:50

At least she's showing interest and a liking for him which is a good thing if his father is pre occupied in the home etc.

I agree though that it's far too soon to have been introduced to her and odd that she texts him
.
My concern would be that it's fake affection just to impress his dad and your son may form a liking for her and be dumped when her and his father split up.

Betchyaby · 03/01/2025 12:51

Better she is kind to him that a horrible bitch. That is the most important thing any parent can hope for from their child's stepparent.... But yes, it's a bit OTT.

BarbedButterfly · 03/01/2025 12:52

It is a bit weird but she sounds a bit like my cousin who is lovely, just a bit gushy and OTT. Personally I would rather her be like that than snappy or cruel

SwanRivers · 03/01/2025 12:52

It's a bit OTT but some people are genuinely like that.

At least at 12, he's old enough to say what makes him uncomfortable.

upshot · 03/01/2025 12:56

The only thing I might want to have a word with DS about is his right to have control over who he gives his contact details to - it's a good opportunity to remind him he's allowed to say 'no' to anyone who asks. His dad shouldn't be giving DS's number to anyone without DS's consent, even/especially at 12.

Betchyaby · 03/01/2025 13:04

@Mydogisamassivetwat

I had it all with my ex h, he even had ds sending Mother’s Day cards, which he told ds to write “to mummy” in to a girlfriend abroad that ds never actually met. That is appalling!

My DH ex wife brought her boyfriend to parents evenings at the kids school!

Mydogisamassivetwat · 03/01/2025 13:11

Betchyaby · 03/01/2025 13:04

@Mydogisamassivetwat

I had it all with my ex h, he even had ds sending Mother’s Day cards, which he told ds to write “to mummy” in to a girlfriend abroad that ds never actually met. That is appalling!

My DH ex wife brought her boyfriend to parents evenings at the kids school!

Oh, I had that too! He turned up with one. The teacher said only two parents could come in (as it stated when booking the appointment, I’d arranged to meet ex at the school), and so he said I’d have to wait outside.

Ds lovely teacher rolled her eyes and led me in 🤣

PennyApril54 · 03/01/2025 13:16

I think it's a bit odd she has his number in the first place unless there's a really sensible and necessary reason for this. However saying love you lots might just be something she says at the end of all her calls, I have friends that say that sort of thing out of habit to almost everyone barely even aware they're saying it.

ThinWomansBrain · 03/01/2025 13:18

she's probably the type of person that says this at the end of every phone call, in person to her hairdresser/manicurist/neighbour....

son must have worked out by now that Father and the endless stream of GFs are equally insincere.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/01/2025 13:19

Lots of people use phrases like that instead of “bye!” on a phone call nowadays.

Would you prefer her to loathe him? It’s too late to in-introduce her now so just keep an eye and see how it goes.

Sarah2891 · 03/01/2025 13:21

The OP is really not saying she'd rather the girlfriend loathe him.... come on. But saying I love you is over the top and fake.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 03/01/2025 13:26

Love you lots is a bit much but she's probably trying to be nice and build a relationship with your son. I don't think she should be messaging him though, is she quite young and trying to play step mum?

Betchyaby · 03/01/2025 13:29

Betchyaby · 03/01/2025 13:04

@Mydogisamassivetwat

I had it all with my ex h, he even had ds sending Mother’s Day cards, which he told ds to write “to mummy” in to a girlfriend abroad that ds never actually met. That is appalling!

My DH ex wife brought her boyfriend to parents evenings at the kids school!

@Mydogisamassivetwat Almost always done to wind up the other parent, it's so pathetic.

Original poster
Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 03/01/2025 13:31

I am obviously glad that she is being nice to him. Just wouldn't have expected her to be introduced to him yet let alone saying I love you lots. However it could well be just how she is in general as a lot of you have said. Just gave me weird vibes!

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 03/01/2025 13:34

To us it's weird. To an American it would be perfectly normal.

Collette78 · 03/01/2025 13:35

I wouldn’t mind this if it was someone who had been with my ExH for a while and was going to be a feature in my kids life … I’m all for them having a as good a relationship as possible with his partner.

But in this scenario it is a bit early I suppose. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, perhaps she’s just trying to make a good impression and effort with him.

crashbandicooty · 03/01/2025 13:37

All hell would break loose if I said anything like that to DP's teens!

dcbgr · 03/01/2025 13:42

For some people and in some cultures it is normal to say "love you" and be relentlessly positive. Sounds like she is trying too hard. A shame that he is being exposed to revolving door girlfriends. But the nice and friendly ones are better than the nasty and hostile ones.

meganorks · 03/01/2025 13:53

Some people are just a bit like that - OTT with greetings/goodbyes. She probably says it to everyone.

I find having his phone number a lot weirder! I can't think of any viable reason for her to have it. Any contact with your son should be via his dad.

thescandalwascontained · 03/01/2025 14:00

Ugh. Another 'grown up' who thinks it's okay to have girl/boyfriends enter their children's lives much too soon.

So selfish.

Unfortunately, without an agreement between the two of you, there's nothing much you can do, OP. She sounds very 'try hard' and inappropriate, but you can't say anything without causing issues, I suspect.