To feel resentment to DA father.

[Ceeekay]

Coming up to a year that I packed my hosp bag for labour.
He ruined my whole pregnant stressing me out name calling telling me he's going to go and cheat on me telling me to go and self harm. He was Not bad 24/7 but these things stick with me.
While I packed my hospital bag he was screaming so loud with her lips against my ear recording me crying on the floor and threw my hospital bag and phone out into the rain in the front garden in a puddle.

He ruined such a beautiful time for me. Any mother will know that the labour journey is magic. And it was I got my son out of it. My cousin had a baby at the same time to such a supportive fiancé and her memories are being posted and are wonderful and supportive. I have none of that. I am feeling sorry for myself but I feel robbed of🥺😞. Obviously we split when DS was 3 months as the abuse to worsened to physical and further emotional and mental.

I didn't find labour particularly magical.

But what is magical, properly magical, is what some Indigenous cultures call 'sky cutters'. They are women who change the script, stop abuse, and create a safe environment for their child. Like a magical bird they cut the sky for their baby.

You did that. Don't let resentment cloud what you did, which is miraculous in the life of a child.

I’ve heard this Japanese proverb a few months back and it has really stayed with me. When you realise you are on the wrong train get off at the next stop.

He was the wrong train for you, so many people stay on that train and end up further and further into shitsvile and you didn’t. Once you realised, you got off. My DH’s father is a version of your ex. DHs mother stayed in shitsville for decades.

You need to rewrite the script instead of focussing on what a useless fucker he is, honestly useless fuckers are ten a penny, instead focus on your own strength of character and ability to make it even when life gets tough. That counts for a huge amount in this very uncertain world. You are amazing.

Any mother will know that the labour journey is magic.
Mine wasn't, it was the scariest time of my life to date and I'm now 50.
I've met plenty of other women for whom it also wasn't magical in the slightest.

You have a dc and the opportunity for a lifetime of memories. Don't give your waste of space ex anymore headspace.