My older sister has always been a bully. Growing up she would torment me with her friends in the playground, and bully mine. Further on in life she's not really changed that much. She's never really kept a relationship or held down a job and blames others for her mistakes. I was always someone to be belittled and mocked.
I always put up with her to keep the peace with the wider family, until I had children that is, I ceased nearly all contact because I don't want the toxic input with my kids. It's like I couldn't stand up for myself but I could for my kids.
The issue is a close family member passed away recently and we have the estate left between us. My Mum is executer of the will, but she is older and needs help with the admin. It's a lot and she's relying on me to help (sister has ADHD and struggles with life generally so is not much use).
Now my sister has been her usual self (worst incident following an outburst she kicked and broke my elderly mum's door). All communication has broken down pretty much but we have to sort the estate out. I'm also really concerned about having to deal again with an estate when my Mum dies (we are named as joint executors).
I need some support / practical advice of how to get through having to deal with her and manage this. I guess the AIBU is, when I can, do I sever all contact with her for my family? And needing a hand hold about doing this. I'm actually really concerned she'll be physically violent towards us at some point after the recent outbursts. If I do stop contact how do I manage handling the estate, we still need to work to clear the property it can't all be done through the solicitor, or can it?
Advice welcomed from anyone with experience managing a toxic relative and especially managing a toxic relative with probate.