Mum addicted to phone

[SouthernButterPie]

I'm at a loss, but I'm also prepared to be told to give my head a wobble.

My lovely mum is nearly 80. She lives alone and very independently.

During lockdown she bought a smartphone to keep in touch with the grandchildren. (All from DSis.)

Yesterday was my birthday. I'm severely disabled & don't live local to her. We arranged for her to come to me, as I am not currently well enough to go out.

She spent most of the visit glued to her phone. Not even looking at me. Playing a sudoku app. I tried to initiate conversation. She was so engrossed in her game, she didn't even hear I was talking. I asked her if she would put her phone down, because I wanted to spend time with her. She said no.

This isn't the mum I'm used to. Recently, when I call her it's become evident she plays on that app during our conversations. I recognise the sounds.

She wasn't like this a year ago.

She's constantly distracted. I don't know what to do.

AIBU to think you should put your phone away during visits?

She is 80. Don't expect that you can change her habits.

May be living alone she has been lonely and this has filled in a gap. She's then quickly lost her social skills as most of us with phones are doing. Next time put a basket where everyone drops her phone in and put it out of sight. Don't expect much convo immediately but repeat and you may get somewhere.

As a side, it's great she is keeping her brain active. She just needs a mix and balance

Thanks both. 😊

I’m not sure there is a lot you can do really.

The most you could try is asking her not to play with the phone when she visits you. Would she listen if you sent her a text maybe?

My dad does this too. Came to stay with us for Christmas and I had to ask him repeatedly to put his phone away when the kids were around (we try to minimise our own usage around them and he's aware of that). The worst thing is he complains all the time about being lonely and wishing he could see us more! I think it's just down to living alone tbh. Not much you can do except be firm about your house 'rules'.