Wanting to go home

[Gingersnap83]

I’m incredibly upset and worried about what I should do.
I am away at my mil and I want to leave as soon as possible.
My partner is emotionally abusive which gets worse when he drinks. Tonight my daughter who has been incredibly difficult recently…to the point of having a tantrum about what gifts she got for Christmas- started to complain about something she wanted to which I couldn’t get her.
She started to cry and as she did my partner walked in from the pub and started calling me “thick and stupid” and I should have just given her what she wanted.
Although this might seem not bad , his mother which saw the whole thing happen just proceeded to watch and not even intervene although she clearly disagreed with her own granddaughter tantrum. She offered my partner food…and didn’t bother to offer me any. While my partner continued to shout about how stupid I am I should just shut up. No one said a word. So I took myself to bed.
For years I’ve gotten this treatment and now it’s got to the point where I’m incredibly miserable and depressed. I feel alone and depressed and although I don’t want to leave my children, I can’t take the attitudes and behaviour of all my family members. I am the one the that works, organises and does the works. Whereas my partner does not work or organise anything. I feel as if I’m being treated terribly and I’ve no one to reach out to. We are away at the moment and I feel as if I should book an early coach trip and leave them here. I don’t want to make a big drama about it but I feel as if I’ll go mad if I just sit in the bedroom by myself with no food or no one even caring unless the want something from me. Am I being unreasonable?

Well you have to try and leave your partner. Sounds awful. Do you have anywhere to go?

So sorry for what you are experiencing.
Your husband sounds abusive and you MIL is enabling him.

You are not being unreasonable to feel the way you do I would them there get a coach back home and change the locks.
You deserve better x

This is horrendous OP.
I would leave the foul lot to it tomorrow, book that coach and get yourself home or to a friend’s house. Then work out how to leave him permanently.

Are your children safe there?

Regardless if you go home now or not, you need to get rid of this man, long term

Unfortunately I don’t, my mother is not that close with me and I don’t have many friends that understand

I'd be booking the coach and leaving ASAP. I'd probably take the children (depending on their ages and whether or not they are safe with your partner) and ask the partner to remain at his mother's place - if he doesn't work, there's no need for him to return home and that way you can give yourself time to think about separating. You don't need him or his enabling family in your life any longer.

OP, you’ve been posting about this awful man for years and have received solid advice.

I’m not sure what you hope to get from another thread that you haven’t had before?

He's still awful, you still need to leave him. Theres not much else anyone can say to you.

OP - leave with your children. Do not leave the children behind or you risk that you will be seen as abandoning them and your partner and his family might stop you seeing them.

Completely correct but I had support from his mother before, now I have my children also acting difficult.
Are you basically saying I can’t reach out for advice because I asked before?

She offered my partner food…and didn’t bother to offer me any. While my partner continued to shout about how stupid I am I should just shut up. No one said a word.

They're most likely as afraid of him as you are OP and I assume she was trying to calm the situation? That’s probably the reason they never said anything so the situation didn’t escalate. They know what he’s like unfortunately and are probably trying to appease him. People can slate MIL’s on here but often in your situation they’ve learned not to challenge him.

Whereas my partner does not work or organise anything

You need to leave, he’s abusing you but you already know that. He’s a cocklodger and an abuser. Can you quietly leave tomorrow to get back home with your children then tell him not to come back?

This sounds like a very lonely and stressful situation to be living in every day. Do you and your partner share property? Are you married? Is he the children’s father? As he doesn’t work, you’re financially independent, so I’d suggest making it your New Year’s resolution to leave this man (with your children) and build a new life that makes you feel safe and happier.

My children are older 13 and 21, my son wants to stay with his grandmother and my daughter will wants to stay with her dad as he spoils her. Personally I’m mentally drained by all of them but however because I have already bought my tickets on Sunday and don’t have the money to amend them it’s proving difficult.

my mil doesn’t want to get involved ( she was supported before) because my partner my be getting some inheritance…and suddenly she changed her tune. Personally I hope he gets his money and-sods off 😂

That was when me and my current partner was on a break. I was dating someone else..who I’m not with now. Different relationship

I don't buy any of it

I keep on trying to make it work with my kids father but it never changes, it that makes sense

MIL was so invested she came back to life to haunt OP

Ok thank you for your replies, I should leave.

Thank you for this response, you’ve been incredibly helpful.

Oh Im so glad. I love to help people. :)

You need to stay single. Is your DD 13 or 21? They've been dragged through more than one toxic relationship by you. The men you choose might be abusive, but you keep your children in the thick of it. Your MIL has probably had enough. You get to an age were you want a quiet life. Even when you left her son, there was still abuse from your new boyfriend. There's no answers to your issues that anyone can give you. You've got to sort yourself out.

OP, ignore the unhelpful comments. Mumsnet is full of people who love to tell you to leave (to be fair often that's probably the right advice) and berate you when you don't. It's not easy leaving an abusive relationship, I'm struggling to leave mine despite knowing that I want out. The relationship breaks you down to the point that you struggle to see a way out. Is there a way that you can get away, even if just temporarily initially to get enough of a break to clear your head and find your way out? Say you're unwell and just need to get home, your children will be fine for a few days and it might give you some time to work out a plan of action.

Thank you, it’s been hard debating with my life for the last few years. Trying to get out, feeling as if maybe I’m really the one with something wrong..choosing men who have similar traits…I’m not blaming anyone other than myself from my situation, but I think I’ve normalised certain behaviours. I’m looking to find somewhere to go to give myself a break.