to think that blokes could babysit their own children for a night?

[whaddyathink]

I have namechanged though I don't honestly know why.... anyhoo

group of people from church. I have coffee etc with a couple of the women and they are friends, and recently a group of women went to the cinema together

then the blokes formed some kind of macho drinking club where they get together to watch rugby/ play Wii/ drink/ shout heartily at each other

all fine, they go out for a night, have fun

well last night we (the girls - can I just point out that I hate same-sex gatherings for the sake of them but hey, it was a night out) had an evening planned at one of the women's houses. When I got there I found out that the blokes had all gone round for a film night at one of their houses. Dh had not been invited due to some cock-up

but he couldn't have gone anyway because I was out! All these blokes have kids, so apart from the woman whose house we were in, and the bloke who was hosting the film night, every other couple had to get a bloody babysitter in order for them to go out to different places! Why arrange a night on the same night ffs?

I can't see the point - if I get a babysitter I want to go out with dh, I can't see payng to leave the kids with someone else just because blokes get lonely minding the kids on their own. What is this about?

if this happens again I don't know what to do. Do I get a babysitter - my mother probably. She is very busy and we haven't been out as a couple for about two months

or do we decide who goes, and moan like thunder when we get there?

AIBU?

If I or DP were to go out anywhere it is automatic that we ask the other if they mind, by saying 'no, Of course not' (Which is always the answer) that person has agreed they will be home with the DC's that day/night.

IF there were two things going on, i.e a friends birthday and a works do or something and we both wanted to go,then we'd arrange a sitter, otherwise the only time a sitter would be arranged would be for us to go out as a couple.

If your DH agrees with you, where's the problem? The only issue then seems to be that other couples amongst your friendship group may choose to both go out separately on the same night. Which is not your business to try to control.

I'm not trying to control other people But it means that if they arrange something else, we will have to decide who goes, and one of us will miss out. It's just stupid.

I think I was just gobsmacked that everyone thought it reasonable for the blokes to do this. They had had a night out recently. I just felt we were back in the 1950s - there was no sense of 'we have had a night out, now you have yours' - it just seemed to be taking advantage to me iyswim

Message withdrawn

Sorry, but I don't really get the problem. If you both have offers to go out on the same night, you have a choice to book a babysitter, or take turns to go out. It's not unreasonable for adult couples to make choices about when they go out! Presumably if these other couples thought it was stupid, they wouldnt do it! No offence intended, but TBH YOU are the person who's talking about going out as a 'competitive' thing. When our DCs were little, we'd sometimes go out as a couple, sometimes separately and one of us would stay at home, and sometimes separately and get a babysitter. No one is taking advantage of anyone!

"Boys do one thing, girls do another" social arrangements do my head in as well. So 1950s.

but it is taking advantage

blokes go out - expect wives to stay home

wives go out - blokes can't possibly reciprocate

IN many marriages even mine in the early 1980s men are 50% responsible. They don't help you, they do half what has to be done. Occasionally we would both have been out at some work thing nd then rarely got someone in to help but most couples juggle so they aren't both out on the same night but the answer lies in it being a "church thing". A lot of church people are some of the most submissive in the land - just look at St Paul - wives submissive to their husbands so it's all you can really expect with those sorts of people surely.

Aah so actually the real issue here is that you don't think these are reasonable adults making a choice about when they go out. You think the blokes are assuming the wives will stay at home when they go out, but if the wives go out, the blokes decide to go too. I wouldn't choose to marry someone who behaves like that. But I guess your friends did!

YANBU at all! As previous posters have said, fathers shouldn't be aked to 'babysit' their own children - they should do it no questions asked.

My DH looks after our 9mo DS every Monday while I'm at work. He doesn't consider it 'babysitting' and neither do I. At first I felt a bit bad about him spending his day off doing the childcare, but he pointed out that I do it when I'm not at work, so what's the difference?

Whoops, should have read rest of thread before posting - it's not about babysitting, is it? sorry!

I think the fact the term 'babysitting' was used in the first place is a big giveaway. Until women choose to partner men who want an equal relationship ie: both are equal parents, both have the capability to work outside and inside the home, and both have the right to a social life, then they are creating problems for themselves. I have little sympathy with women who choose men who want traditional 'woman's place is at home looking after the kids' roles, and then complain that they've got what they've chosen!!