I am lazy? Or disregulated?

[Letsformanallegiance]

I split up with ExDH 6 months ago as I found him on gay dating apps and meeting men for encounters. No kids at home. I’m neurodivergent and self employed. I’ve always struggled when single with regulation around sleeping patterns and executive functioning. As a result I’ve been in a number of unsuitable and abusive relationships, simply as I could never really function and live as an adult without being part of a family structure. I crave the routine of normal life.

Recently I’ve been feeling lost. Although I’m very happy about being single as my relationship was extremely abusive, I’m struggling again. I procrastinate terribly and waste time all day flitting between one useless task to another, ignoring big deadlines and big legal stuff. I just avoid, avoid, avoid and my businesses are suffering. I’m ADHD, Bipolar and Autistic.

I find myself staying up until 3am and then sleeping until noon. I then carry an enormous guilt around, that I ought to be going to bed at 10/11pm and waking up at 7/8am like ‘everyone else.’

In time, I know I’ll slowly deal with my shit and cope, but if you were self employed, with no ties, would you feel wrong for choosing unusual sleeping hours? is it wrong?

I’m starting therapy again soon which I’ve had before and it does help. I know I should be self compassionate during this time too. I workout which makes me feel balanced for a short time.

The biggest win for me is that I haven’t rushed into another unsuitable relationship. Therapy previously helped me understand and unpick why I’ve done this before. I’m happy and fine single. But I need to find my flow.

Has anyone got any tips for me, or words of advice around stabilising my habits and routines?

Can you run your business to fit around your sleeping hours? Basically can you work at night? It’s not wrong, just a different way of setting up your life. My niece is a total vampire! And a nurse on night shifts lol.

If your business is the sort that it's ok to work antisocial hours, crack on and don't feel guilty. There's no point in fighting it.

I'm self employed and naturally tend to be a bit of a night owl. In my case, I have to try not to get up too late as otherwise clients could be waiting too long for replies, but as long as you're getting enough hours of sleep, I don't see a problem with being up a a bit later and getting up a bit later, nothing lazy or wrong about it. I often find it easier to concentrate on my work late at night when there's no distractions too.