Can you tell me about your autistic daughters?

[ToastyCat]

I'm sorry to post on AIBU but I never seem to get a response on SN children board.

I'm sorry it's long..

Can you please tell me about your autistic daughters when they were toddlers?

I suspect my daughter might be autistic and we have a neuro paediatrician appointment later this month.

I first suspected something was wrong when she was a baby, she didn't do anything at all. She couldn't sit, roll, hold her head up, crawl or walk and was very late meeting all these milestones which was fine because all babies development differently but it was concerning.

We've ruled out any genetic chromosone disorders .

I've written my concerns down and sent them to the paediatrician and below is them:

She has unusual hand movements, more her fingers really.

She flaps her hands.

She rocks her head back and fourth.

She walks in an unusual way. She shuffles and waddles.

She falls over alot, she's very clumsy.

She walks around in circles.

She spins on the spot.

Lots of repeated phrases, doesn't really talk but will sing songs, her ABCs and count a lot.

She has a lot of echolalia.

She doesn't point.

She's inconsistent at looking when we point as well.

She's inconsistent with responding to her name.

Her eye contact is minimal

She's emotionally volatile - she goes from 0 to 100 very quickly and is very hard to calm down.

She doesn't sleep through the night, walking multiple times a night screaming.

She has no danger awareness - she runs full speed into doors, will jump off the bed/chair, try and jump down the stairs etc.

Overly familiar with strangers.

She doesn't seem to know when she's full, she'll continue eating and eating.

She eats inedible items mostly paper.

She holds lights up toys to her eyes.

She has repeated actions in her play like emptying a container and refilling it over and over again, opening and closing the door etc.

She lines objects up/stacks items.

She never really sits down (unless restrained) she'll wander around, fidget a lot. She's always on the go.

She struggles to hold her attention on activities unless they are repeated as mentioned.

She walks around with her eyes closed.

She arches her back a lot especially in distress.

She seems to have noise sensitive problems and gets very upset at certain noise.
She doesn’t smile back and has neutral expressions.

She carries around the same object all the time, she gets upset if she can’t.

She seems to have an indifference to pain, sometimes she’ll cry, other times she laughs and others there’s no reaction.

I appreciate some of these traits may completely normal for a child her age and I'm worrying over nothing but I'm in a really difficult place like part of me thinks I'm being silly and she's fine because she's different to her autistic brother but then another part of me is really worried.

Any help and advice is appreciated.

How old is your DD?

Sorry, I thought I said it in my OP.

She was two in October.

How old is she?

🙂 from what you've written, she sounds autistic. My dd is autistic as well, she's 5

Our issues are sleep, she's a bad sleeper
She only eats about 5 safe foods
Still not toilet trained (currently afraid(?) Of the toilet)
Possibly had echolalia
Speech is not communicative, but she can name stuff, like ball, cake etc
Jumps and vocal stims
Met her milestones apart from toileting and speech
Goes to a special school so is receiving support, we're so lucky

I know it's not easy but our kids are special - hope you get your diagnosis and can get her the school support needed xx

Edited to add, just seen that she's two - you've got a ways to go yet but yes I think she may be autistic x

Not our DD, but best friend's DD (3.5) is very much like this. She's going through the process of diagnosis for Autism.

I'm an autistic woman. As a small child I didn't sleep, screamed all night apparently, didn't like eye contact, physical contact, noise, or other children. I didn't like being around groups of people or crowds, or "visual noise".

Somehow I've turned into a pretty functional adult, I have a husband, mortgage, learned to drive (very late!). Work as a data analyst.

It's about finding a place in the world that you're comfortable with. I like lots of alone time, reading, quiet. Manage to be mostly happy though people do tend to think I'm weird and grumpy and antisocial 😆

Yes it sounds like your daughter is autistic. My middle son is autistic. It's a lot to adjust to and accept and we've been on a real journey off understanding. My son is 10 now.
I hope you get a diagnosis and guidance and support. The best thing we did was find out "tribe" of other families with autism and SEN in the family.

My 10 year old flaps attended speaking classes x3 times and talked at 6 still bed wets and under enuresis clinic she takes meds for this. She was diagnosed adhd in June and meds have helped her so much. Don't run to an autism diagnosis it achieves literally nothing. Adhd can be treated and managed very well.

My 15 year old dd falls over alot and clumsy she was diagnosed movement coordination disorder alongside dyscalculia and inattentive adhd recently.

Way too early to diagnose surely. Let her be little and don’t be too quick to have her labelled. She sounds delightful.

She's an absolute gem and wouldn't change her for the world, but unfortunately, if there is something going on, then early intervention is really important.

My son was diagnosed with multiple things at 2 and then was diagnosed with Autism at 3 and we have an EHCP in place, support at nursery and school and he's doing really well.

I know you asked about daughters but I knew my son was autistic at about 18 months old (finally diagnosed at 11yo).

I think parents just know.

having said that, my 15 yo daughter is currently mid-autistm assessment which has come as a massive shock to me. It never occurred to me that she could be autistic. Even the drs can’t agree if she is or isn’t! It’s definitely true that autism presents differently in girls.

I wish you lots of luck on your journey.

I knew something was a miss with my son at 6 months. He's been diagnosed with Autism as well as other things, but I think you're right. Parents just know.

That's how I feel about my daughter. She's so different to him, so I'm questioning myself constantly.

well, I don’t have an autistic daughter but I do have an autistic son and your daughter has a lot of similar traits as my boy.

I wouldn't be worried and surely there's no hurry —what's a two-year old going to do with an autism diagnosis? Is it going to make a difference at nursery?

If you give it another few years and it'll be clear one way or the other. After all, you can be mistaken! From my own experience, my mother was advised to get me diagnosed as autistic (nonverbal before the age of two, lining stuff up etc.) but I'm actually not autistic and that would have been more obvious by the time I was 4 or 5.

Agree with this, with my dd i just knew as well

I have a ND DD in Y4. And a DS at secondary school.

1 is allegedly ADHD and the other ASD. However that means they both must be both.

In addition We now understand they are both likely dyslexic, albeit in different ways.

1 did not sleep at night for almost 3 years but had a big nap in the daytime.

The other slept brilliantly at night for the first 3 years but never ever slept in the day. However the killer came later - they slept terribly between age 3 & 6yo. Always coming into my bed and needed us there to fall asleep in the first place.

Both are sensitive. They pick up on a vibe in a room. Their intuition of other people is excellent. Which is tricky in school.

Flapping of limbs has definitely been a thing.

So is chucking themselves off furniture and playground equipment with apparent gay abandon.

Actually both are very good at understanding risks to them, possibly because we have not always caught them and allowed them to fail. Pushing themselves to the edge means they now know where the edge might be.

Our DD can be very picky about food.
She is also very sensitive to clothing. She used to lose themselves plot putting on socks, jumpers, coats etc. took us ages to work out that the rucking up of a sleeve inside a coat was a huge trigger of a meltdown. In fact we only really figured it out around the same time she managed to articulate it - around age 5

She is also very sensitive to noise. Hilarious given how noisy she can be!!! She has ear defenders and earplugs tho which help, incl at school.

They love stories being read to them. Listening to audio books. Listening to music. Playing musical instruments. Dancing. Acting. Riding horses and bicycles. Swimming. Running. Ball sports. In fact any physical activity with others.

Both can be sensory seeking as well as sensory avoidant.

It's fascinating watching them growing up and guiding them on how to cope with this world without losing themselves.

It's also fascinating as you find out so much about yourself and your OH..... especially as so many ND kids will have 1 or both parents who are (c70%). Has made me look at my own life through a different lens. And I realised I have the same issue with rucking up of sleeves inside coats but luckily I manage myself to avoid a melt down!!!

Everyone's different, and I appreciate what you're saying.

It can take years for it to be dignosed, and you can also find out other things as well if there's a problem - my sons journey started at 1, he was dignosed at 2 with a few things and then with Autism at 3 years and 7 months and it's made a difference because we could get his EHCP sorted, Senco and a specialist teacher at nursery.

I know she's very young even though autism can be diagnosed at 2, I wouldn't expect it for another year or so, but like you say, she may grow out of it.

But given our experience with our son, that's the reason we're investigating early on.

Hey OP!
Given what you already know, from your son, you know. Trust your gut instincts.

All kids are different.

And yes other people may think it doesn't matter but you and I know it does when it comes to getting the needs of our kids met in childcare and later school settings.

ND is not an excuse but it can explain why a person acts in a particular way and so it means the individual and those caring for them, can be kinder and more tolerant.

So. Go for it. You know your kids.