Suggestions on how to get personal things back

[Samjf]

Hi, so my now ex and I planned to move to France as he was offered a job by his best friend who was living there. My ex started working for him and living with him earlier last year and I was going to move out this year sometime.
Anyway, I had visited him a couple of times and left clothes, make up, toiletries over there to save me having to bring things backwards and forwards each time.
My ex came back home a few months ago, and then finished with me the day after! I asked about my things and he said he didn’t have space in his suitcase to bring any of my things back. I then found out he’s been having an affair with his best friend/bosses girlfriend so he won’t be going back to France, and he knew that at the time and still left my things knowing I wouldn’t be able to get any of them back.
Since splitting he has turned very nasty and we are in no contact.
Has anyone any suggestions what they would given the circumstances?

• we were together 17 years
• everything I took to France I bought new, it’s not the cost of everything that I’m bothered about, it’s the fact it’s just one more thing he’s done and will probably get away with, there has been so much since we’ve split, it’s just not fair. his true colours have finally been shown

if you’ve got this far, thanks for reading ☺️

I’d cut my losses and move on, you probably won’t get the things back and you said it’s not about the cost. He’s gotten away with it regardless. Sorry he turned out to be such an arsehole OP

I think sometimes you just need to cut your loses in order to heal. It’s not a battle worth fighting. Sounds like your better off without him,

What a complete and total bastard.

Short of contacting the landlord and asking about it (really low chance of success) what else is there? Seeing it as a cheap price to get rid of the cheating, lying loser?

Thanks everyone for replying, I know I should cut my loses, he just makes me feel angry as he sent someone to the house to pick up his clothes trainers and stereo after me asking him for so long to pick all of his things up, I’ve since messaged about him picking the rest of his things up he has in the garage, work things, paper work, furniture and his (deceased) grandparents sentimental possessions, and he’s just ignored me. It’s like, I’m trying to do everything correctly and respectfully, but he just does I what he wants/or doesn’t want regardless

With regard to the things he has left in your house/garage, message him one last time and tell him he has seven days to collect or they will be going in the bin/to the charity shop. Do not send reminders, or try and engage. Just get rid if he doesn’t collect by the deadline. British Heart Foundation will come and collect donations, including furniture.

Agree with this. Sounds like he's using this as a way to exert control. Don't play the game with him. Set the deadline, stick to it. As for your own stuff, agree with others that you might have to write it off, unjust as that feels.

Thanks for the advice regarding his things. I did say in the message to him if he doesn’t come and pick it all up then I’ll take it all to his work, but then I’ve been told not to do that because he could pick it all up from his work but say it’s all gone missing and then I’d get into trouble for that, and to tbh I wouldn’t put it past him doing that
I’ll give him a couple more days and if he’s not been in touch I’ll message him again, I’m just concerned about getting his grandparents things back to him, I think I’m more concerned then he is! He literally walked away from everything without a care in the world

@Samjf Don't be too nice! In fact, don't be nice at all. As @Leeds2 said above, give him an absolute deadline in the form of "if you haven't collected the stuff in the garage by 5pm on xyz date, I will take it to the local dump and recycle what I can there"

I’d be refusing to give his things back, till I got my things back. But probably petty and unhelpful!

Frantichare… I like your level of pettiness, that’s exactly how he makes me feel 😂

he told me months ago, that if I didn’t give him his clothes, trainers and stereo back, he wouldn’t pay the rent or bills (the tenancy at the time was in his name only, I’m a full time carer to my autistic son so my ex was the one with the wage to pay for things) anyway, I gladly bagged up his things to give him back, which he got back, but did he pay the rent and bills like he said he would, no of course he didn’t and he left me in such a mess financially.
I asked him when we split to get in contact with the landlord so that I could have the tenancy in my name and then I’d be able to claim housing and uc, (had to give up my job after an accident left me with mobility issues) and now a full time carer, but he took months to get in contact with the landlord and my Dad had to pay me rent and bills until I got my claim sorted. this is why I feel like he gets away with everything and I try and do things correctly and get nowhere
sorry for the rant

You're saying you think he gets away with everything, fucked you over financially and insinuating he's really messed your life up, but you want him to get his furniture back? That's ridiculous.

His grandparents stuff isn't precious to him, clearly. Get it gone ASAP and move on!

Can you contact the ex best friend/boss in France directly and pay for it to be mailed to you?

chuck his stuff in the bin

Yes I want everything of his gone, so that there’s no reminders of him in my home. I messaged him before the new year saying that I don’t want to be taking anything of him into the new year and asked him to pick up all the rest of his things. It might be ridiculous, but I’m just a decent person

I’ve sent messages to his friend but got no response

I get you being a decent person - wish I was nicer much of the time- but I would not be bending over backwards. Give him warning, if no response, sell whatever you can to recoup your losses and that’s him out your life.

I would make sure the communication giving the (reasonable) date was sent in multiple formats so he can’t claim never received, and give at least 2? weeks notice.