Need to rant

[OneBrightAzureBiscuit]

Hi all,
hope you are all well, I came on here just to rant cos im feeling rlly fed up dunno if anyone can give me any advice.
im peed off. I don’t usually talk to people because of reasons such as abuse so it takes a lot for me to open myself to people. Anyways I spoke to two “friends” as they were trying to get hold of me for like a year or so.
friend A and me chat and I feel we are really building up a rapport and closer friendship then she plasters all over Snapchat her “bestie” like they’re 5 & she says how she basically prefers her to me. I had a bit of an upset moment and spam texted her when she stopped answering my texts for no reason. Basically got ghosted so ceased all contact and blocked. No point being someone’s second choice.
then a really nice girl me and her were texting but she stopped replying to me. I don’t get it.
i am lively, chatty and I am very clued up on social cues. I consider myself a nice person but nobody wants to know me.
i give up making friends now, just proves my point of being alone. Shouldn’t of tried.
seems like since Covid people really stopped caring and we live in more of a throwaway society than ever. Oh and to top it off, my partner and me had a scare on New Year’s Day & he said if im pregnant we need to look at clinics instantly because he’s not ready for a baby. Yet I cook all his meals, do all his washing up and tidying. His flat is filthy & I do it out of love and because he lets me stay there a lot everyday basically. There were flies and still are.
I am so fed up with life no point trying.

What does your partner do for you?

So, for example, my OH has been quite unwell for a long time now, so I do a lot of fetching and carrying, bringing food upstairs for them, laundry and other things that they need.

I had a minor operation a couple of days ago and had to keep my foot elevated - they were willing to push themselves to get dinner ready, to make sure I had water, and that I was looked after when I needed it, even though they're paying for that effort now and suffering worse as they recover from it.

I like knowing that I'm useful for my OH, but it makes a big difference knowing that they are willing to reciprocate when I need it.

What does your partner do for you?

Firstly I m sorry you feel so alone and have been unlucky enough to meet pretty awful people.

Immediately you can get morning after pill from most pharmacies.

Secondly you need to stop cleaning your partner's mess up and acting grateful just to live in a gross house.

You sound young, can you try to get to know people through college/work/hobbies that would be real friends. It would be easier as you have a shared interest.

You also sound depressed and like your self esteem has plummeted through the floor.
You are worth something OP you are worth more than being someone s unpaid cleaner or the butt of mean girls nastiness.

Do one thing you like. Could be anything. Gym classes? Language lessons? Horse riding? What did you like at school?
I actually made some good friends at evening classes in my 30s and felt a lot better just doing something for me that interested me away from work and kids.