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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it favouritism?

9 replies

Winterwalkswrappedup · 02/01/2025 19:06

Dh and I have two ds's. My parents are both in poor health so have never looked after either dc. Dh's parents who are both younger but retired and very active were always really good.

They never did regular childcare as we always used nursery/wrap around care. But they'd have the dc over to stay occasionally and they'd take them out to the park/soft play sometimes on the weekends for a few hours. We all got along well afaiwa. They dc enjoyed it and oil always said they'd been really good.

Dhs sister (sil & her dh) had two dds quite close together. Pil started minding both dds a couple of times a week as-well as collecting them from nursery. I did feel a little bit miffed that this support was never offered to us but of course I would never have said anything.

Pil then started suggesting that our eldest was too old to go out with them to soft play etc on weekends but they would take the younger ones. But there was never an offer to do anything a bit more grown up. Eventually youngest was pushed out too for being too old so Pil stopped taking our dc out at all.

This wasn't a weekly thing it was maybe once every 2-3 months. Not as though we were taking advantage.

A few times we asked if Pil could have the dc over to stay at the weekend but they always said they were too busy but never offered any alternative dates. We'd often find out they were looking after sils dc.

Our dc are 9 and 12 and pil haven't taken them out for probably 2 years now.

In itself that wouldn't bother me, but I know that they mind sils dc a few times a week and take them out regularly.

OP posts:
PeppyGreenFinch · 02/01/2025 19:09

YANBU, it’s favouritism.

I’d stop making any effort for FIL. They can rely on their dd (or your DH) from now on.

arcticpandas · 02/01/2025 19:10

Definitely favouritism, but probably due to their relationship with their daughter.. too bad for them to have missed out bonding with your kids. Now it's starting to be to late, they will prefer meeting friends than GP who have never been invested..

takealettermsjones · 02/01/2025 19:11

It sounds like a) your SIL asked outright for childcare and b) they know how to entertain little kids but not pre-teens.

It's sad, but all you can do really is match their effort going forward.

Comedycook · 02/01/2025 19:11

I think grandparents are often like this with their daughters children compared with their sons children. It's not fair or particularly nice but it's not unusual.

Geppili · 02/01/2025 19:12

Daughter's children.

GreyBlackBay · 02/01/2025 19:15

I wonder if they believe the kids 'belong' to the mum so are happy to help out their daughter but not so much you. Is sil a single parent? Less affluent than you?

Not much you can do, you might feel a bit better if they lose interest in your nieces as they get older but really no one wins.

Its sad but you can't make them take an interest.

Comedycook · 02/01/2025 19:18

Geppili · 02/01/2025 19:12

Daughter's children.

But what is they have multiple daughters.... wouldn't it then be daughters' ?

I couldn't decide which version to use so went for none and assumed no one would be pedantic enough to point it out..

Winterwalkswrappedup · 02/01/2025 19:21

GreyBlackBay · 02/01/2025 19:15

I wonder if they believe the kids 'belong' to the mum so are happy to help out their daughter but not so much you. Is sil a single parent? Less affluent than you?

Not much you can do, you might feel a bit better if they lose interest in your nieces as they get older but really no one wins.

Its sad but you can't make them take an interest.

I wondered that myself. Sil is not a single parent she is married and they both have e really flexible wfh roles. Whereas dh works very long hours.

OP posts:
Geppili · 02/01/2025 20:33

@Comedycook these things matter! 😆

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