Just back from spending 8 days with my elderly mother for Christmas . I have 4 siblings but last year my sister who lives 30 mins from my mother was supposed to spend Christmas with her canceled last minute. This sister has a husband and primary schooll aged children. My other sister was with her FIL, husband and children . One brother was with his MIL and his family while my other brother who lives far away was nowhere to be seen. I like to go away at Christmas. I am the eldest and live alone but as no one stepped up I did this year again
The problem I have is the sister who lives closest and the brother who is far away are impossible people. For one thing neither do very much for my mother and that sister hadnt visited her in 7 months but she comes round when I am there and starts telling me what my mother needs and what I should be doing.
The problem is they are selfish and childish people. My sister complained to me that there wasnt enough food in the house even though we hadnt shopped that day and when I did I spend £50 on shopping. Both have no boundaries with my mother or anyone in the family. They act like you are there for their convenience and even if you say politely I am dealing with X they continue to say "you need to do X" . Even if I moved to the next room they would follow me to say it. They are also constantly causing trouble by saying things to my mother about each other , soemtimes exagerated things or saying your house is cold or its not safe in your neighbourhood. Sly undermining stuff. I have nothing to do with my brother from issues in the past except to say hello and a few words at family gatherings and my sister I talk to only when I see her. mY mother who is capricious gives out about then constantly to me but then enters into their world and gossips away with them. They are all alike
The problem for me is they constantly trigger me
When my father was very ill I lived abroad. I came home for a family do and my brother who hardly spoke to my father came up to me and started on about what was wrong with my father and how come I didnt know. Implying I should and sort out his care and probably move home and look after him. No one knew at the time what his illness was and my mother was a youngish woman then.
Anyway they try to make others responsible for everything and not themseleves. I would if I could not see them again. However I have to
I just need to know what to do to not be triggered , to get away from them and how to set strong boundaries where I dont lose my cool ..;they like that ...
After my mother is no longer with us I wont bother with them. I think they may have some personality disorder and I wish I could be around them but I know what they do. They try and make others responsible for everything in their lives and spent all day slagging everyone else off. They are extremely negative
I get on well with my other 2 siblings who cope with them better but steer clear..
and there is no point in having a real conversation..they wouldnt listen and anyway use that as a means to manipuate you.