To think that sorry should take responsibility

[ditzzy]

Ok, relatively minor incident but DH put his chair on DD’s (5), toe at dinner time when she was sneaking behind his chair to go and get something and he unexpectedly moved his chair back at the same time.

He looked horrified, but is saying “I’m sorry your toe got squished” rather than “I’m sorry I squished your toe”.

Is it just me or is this a really annoying lack of taking responsibility?

Toe appears to be fine. DH has also told her off for not wearing slippers; to which her retort is that she is wearing socks (only put on after stubbing her bare toes earlier).

He has also given her lots of cuddles to try to make it better. But the phrasing just really annoys me. AIBU?

I don't think anyone did anything wrong here, your dd was was getting up to get something, your dh just moved his chair.
It's no one's fault. Its just one of those things.

Good grief. I thought I was pedantic! But this is off the scale.

Sometimes accidents are caused by carelessness, and in that case there might be some culpability. But in this case there was none. It was a complete accident that couldn't have been foreseen.

Jeeze, the guy clearly felt really bad. Stop nitpicking his words, which he clearly didn't have time to put a lot of thought into. He reacted, and he reacted with an apology and tender care.

He didn't do anything wrong. She shouldn't have been sneaking around. He's not responsible for that.

How can a small child be sneaking around? If we're parsing language then it feels like that is worth a question. Sounds like they just got up to get something? That's not really doing something wrong.

Sounds like the dad got a bit defensive and doesn't want to take responsibility, which isn't the same as getting the blame for an accident. I can see why it annoyed you - it's really whether he always does this kind of thing though, imo.

Pedantry scale 1-10
This is a 10

YABVU.

You're overthinking it and need to leave it alone.
I don't understand why some women tie themselves up in knots over nothing.

Think of it if it were to be repeated at Nursery -

'I have to wear slippers because my toe got squished when I was in the kitchen' or

'Daddy squished my toe with the chair because I wouldn't wear my slippers'.

One gets an 'Oh, dear, that must have hurt', the other gets written down.

Well it was a accident so if we are being pedantic then what he actually said was correct.. how can he say 'i' when the intention wasn't there? So it is a case of her toe just getting squished as it wasn't a deliberate action.

I don’t think he needs to take responsibility. It was your daughter’s fault as much as his for sneaking behind his chair. I’m sure he feels bad your daughter got hurt but it’s not his fault.

Such a non event, how do some people cope on real life if they have to ask randoms online if they are bu for such silly things?
A 50/50 accident in this case he said sorry, she, as a young child, understood that, it doesn't need to be a arty farty response and she had cuddles with dad.
Some parents, quite wrongly, would have ignored all of this and would have told the child to shut up the f up crying. Dad did the right thing.

Why would you expect him to take responsibility for something that was an accident? He’s apologised for his part in the accident.

This! ⬆️

Last paragraph - FFS have a word with yourself, talk about over reading something.

I think your DH sounds great tbh. He acknowledged her hurt toe and showed empathy towards her and gave her cuddles etc. He didnt do anything wrong here so there is no need for him to apologize.