To expect SIL to turn up to the Christening and maybe change a godparent?

[Martha200]

SIL less than a month away undecided if she is coming to dc2 christening with her b/friend of plenty of years. She goes away each school holiday for her holiday so isn't sure if she might turn up. My brother on the other hand is coming from overseas to be present.

Secondly leant one of the gparents to be some money (very good friend known for a year) meant to be a monthly loan which is now approaching 3 mths.. feel if he can't repy before the christening then maybe he shouldn't be a godparent. Mentioned we could do with the money before the christening but so far nothing turned up though he has said he will get it to us before then, though for various reasons not sure how he plans to... would it be mean to somehow get him excused if we still don't have the money when we hope to or should we be more patient.

DH feels somewhat let down and I feel its my fault as I have been more trusting in thinking we would have the money by now, our plans for catering have changed due to this lack of money back, so naive or reason to be miffed?

You can't force people to come to an event. You're not unreasonable for wanting your sister-in-law to be there, but she isn't unreasonable for contemplating not going either.

As for the money issue, a godparent is not there to teach your child fiscal responsibility. That's your job, so I'd teach your child not to lend pennies to their godfather

If you couldn't afford to do without the money you shouldn't really have lent it to somebody. I think it is harsh to set a monetary value on the role somebody is to have the life of your child. Either the man would be good for the spiritual and personal well-being of your child or he would not. Finances have bog all to do with it.

Agree with madmuggle about the godparent part.

SIL- up to her, and 2 less mouths to feed in the grand scheme. Some people understand the importance of attending but you can't expect everyone to care as much as you do about it. It will be her loss as christenings are lovely and a great get-together.

Re the money, don't be wishy washy about it, you say you want the money by X date. If he cannot pay the whole amount in one go then you would have to agree to instalments but again be clear what amounts you want and when you expect it.

Also get it in writing. If he isn't willing to commit anything to paper then he isn't going to pay you back.

I think yabu a bit.

If you couldn't afford the money you shouldn't have lent in to him. And you either want this person to be a godfather to your child or you don't. the fact he owes you money should have no bearing on that - it was you who lent the money after all.

as for your sil - it's really up to her. Christenings just don't hold the same value for everyone - I know I certainly wouldn't cancel plans/go out of my way to attend a christening.

I agree with everyone, never lend money you can't afford.

DPs uncle leant money to him before we met, and then DP got made redundant and so his uncle expects me to pay it despite me getting hardly any money per month, and us being due a baby in a week.

DP got another job but we're barely coping, and still his uncle goes on and on about the money despite the fact we're thousands in debt and could do with keeping bailiffs from the door rather than paying him money monthly. I wish to God he'd never done 'the favour' in the first place, as we've struggled like mad to pay it since and we avoid seeing him because it's awkward now as it almost feels he's the reason we're struggling and he's happy to put on lavish family parties and watch us struggle to cope when we've got a baby coming.

I think YANBU. I would also be having 2nd thoughts about having him as gp if he is not showing more interest in this money he borrowed, seems a bit blase about it really.

i agree about being careful about who you lend money to, and if he is struggling, well ok, but what what excuses his attitude about it? he should be falling over himslf to discuss it with you, and tell you exactly when he is giving you the money.

Meagain, the money issue has been resolved, as for the SIL you're right in less mouths to feed but perhaps I feel a bit because I notice a big difference in how ds2 is valued compared to ds1 was when he arrived, Iwas seeing the christening as the chance for her to meet ds2 (over 4mths)

Glad you have resolved the cash issue, hope it all went well.

As for your sister-in-law, there's not a great deal you can do. I'd just chalk it up to differing views on family and go ahead with your day and smile smile smile

Thanks madmuggle, think it also grates that she couldn't be arsed to let us know by the date we asked people to let us know by and is still thinking about it.. funny how siblings can be soooo different yet with the same parents, DH is always prompt when replying to invitations!

I think YANBU, when you receive an invite it's common courtesy to reply within the set timescale - christenings, weddings etc. I'd be annoyed too.

on the SIL front, YANBU.

Money issue? Keep that money and your friendship, and his role as GP separate. The two should not affect eachother TBH.
Yup, just don't lend money you cannot afford, and never never never mix friendship with money either! It seems to be really affecting your view on this "very good friend".

I think that while there is nothing you can do to make your SIL come (and also it is irrelevant whether your brother is coming from abroad with regard to the attendance of another guest) she SHOULD have told you one way or the other whether she was going to attend.

I mean, shit or get off the pot! Tell her that the faffing is pissing you off and you have had to confirm numbers or something and her invitation is withdrawn.