Sibling meet up

[Sayingitstraight]

Juat looking for advice on how to approach or if I should just leave it.
I haven't seen my sibling, nieces/nephew since christmas 2023. They live close by. My DC enjoy meeting up with their cousins and play nicely together. I suggested numerous times during 2024 if they wanted to meet up and I was always told, I will check the diary, they never did or responded to me. I'm fed up with being ignored. I am in two minds to ask they what the problem is or to just leave it. We haven't had a falling out, don't know what the best thing to do is. I don't want to force anyone to have a relationship with my family if they don't want to, I think if he was bothered he would have arranged to meet up, so I guess I have answered my own question....

Just leave it, they obviously don't want to bother making plans

Did kids fall out? I think if you asked to meet leave it be now. I stopped chasing non comittal people

Since he is your sibling I would continue to suggest meeting up (maybe try inviting them on a specific date so he has to say yes/no). I wouldn't mention it to your children so they don't get their hopes up but if my relationship with a sibling died, it wouldn't be from a lack of effort on my part, and it doesn't take two minutes to send a WhatsApp message saying "Haven't seen each other for ages, do you guys want to come over on Sat 27th?"

If he ignores it or says no, that's on him.

No falling out with the kids, they are all under 10 years old. They all get on quite well. I would like the kids to have a relationship but not going to force it. The only thing I can think of is there might be some jealously regarding how much money we earn and what we can provide for our children, for example foreign holidays, we are not talking private education or anything on that level but we own a mortaged house while they rent with alot of debt (because of their lack of budgeting and lower income)

I have previously suggested dates but you make a good point, I will try again.

Don't overthink it - fire off a message every few months and put it out of your mind knowing you have reached out to him (as much as I hate that expression) and his choices are his to make.

Have you suggested meeting your sibling on a one to one basis?

No i haven't, we are not particularly close and that's not something we have ever done, we don't have anything in common, we are very different.

Could it be that they worry about affording whatever the plans would be?

No i haven't, we are not particularly close and that's not something we have ever done, we don't have anything in common, we are very different.

It could be worth a try, see if he fancies a pub lunch?

It is a shame only so much you can do. My sisters and I at different stages my kids in their 20s we always chat at xmas. Only so much reaching out you can do op. I get my kids to go as otherwise months pass by

Pub lunch a good suggestion.

They obviously just don't feel like you are close enough to maintain a friendship. It's a shame, but they are just not interested. I'd take the hint and leave them to it.

It is a good suggestion, as long as I'm paying 😂

The kids are all of similar age, maybe we are just too different. No idea.

Could it be your SIL? My brother used to always cancel plans or make excuses when he separated from his wife i discovered she used to cause huge issues about seeing me and my family. Money was very sadly a key factor in this although I was fairly unaware at time and just thought she was odd. She was in fact abusive and brother did everything to keep the peace as best he could for the DC.

Sad but some families are not close. Do they make effort with others? I felt with people last year and friends only so much efforts I can make for meetups..

It is a good suggestion, as long as I'm paying 😂

Spoons would cost you £20.

I think if he doesn't seem to want to visit with his DC then work on having a one to one relationship.

It could be SIL, I know they see her family regularly and dress it up that your always closer to the wife's family which I find odd as I'm close to my ILs as they are nice people. We are also nice people. I know they argue alot, maybe he thinks I disapprove (which I do) but it was his choice who he married. My SIL isn't my cup of tea but I'm always friendly and polite.

I think you should ask. If they say no reason then ok. But better to know.

In the summer I asked both brother and SIL what they would like us to get for nieces birthday, they both ignored me. Not even a response to say, don't worry there's no need, I was just ignored. I just find it rude. And annoying 😂

You say you aren’t close and you wouldn’t meet up without the obligation of the kids. I think that’s your answer. I wouldn’t make the effort to see family I didn’t actually want to see just to keep up appearances. And I would think the kids aren’t actually that close if they haven’t seen each other in a year.

If you really want to get the kids together, I’d focus on that. Offer to have them over to watch a film and have tea and say you can collect them if Sunday whatever day at 3pm works.

They see SIL family and friends, so I guess it's juat us.

I wouldn’t assume they’re jealous of you. They may well feel uncomfortably aware of your better financial circumstances. They might not be able to afford to socialise with you, or buy birthday or Christmas presents for your DC. Perhaps they don’t want their noses rubbed in how much more you have compared to them. There’s a difference between jealousy and being made to feel inadequate.

Or it might just be that you and SIL don’t click and she’s the one who makes the social arrangements.

You can try extending an invitation and see what comes back.

I would guess she pushes to maintain relationships with her family and your brother just makes less effort with his family - it isn't an uncommon situation.