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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don’t want to stay in touch with ex

32 replies

MrsSlocombesCat · 02/01/2025 00:47

Sorry this is going to be long. I split up with my ex in 2007. Long story short we had a tumultuous relationship because he was a bit odd. We had a pattern of breaking up and getting back together until my mum died, he came over and stayed with me even though we weren’t together. We had sex. He went home (20 miles away) the next day and when I tried to text him he wasn’t answering. So I drove over to find out what was going on because the sex for me meant we were back together. When I got there he didn’t want to let me in but I forced my way in only to find that one of his fuck buddies was there. A woman he had known from school he used for sex. I had a moment of clarity. An emancipation in a way. I realised there was no future with this man. But he doesn’t like us not being in touch. His birthday is tomorrow and normally I would message him but honestly I don’t want to. I don’t want him in my life, yet I will feel guilty for not wishing him a happy birthday. Why does he insist on us keeping in touch, I don’t understand it. We haven’t met in person for 17 years and he has the exact same annoying habits he had when we were together. Should I just stonewall him from now on and please help me not to feel guilty about it.

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 02/01/2025 00:49

What do you think? 🤣

Honestly OP, really.

AlizeeEasy · 02/01/2025 00:49

You owe this man nothing. You are not responsible for his feelings. Block and move on

MatLeave · 02/01/2025 00:52

Don't give him the headspace, just block him.

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 02/01/2025 01:23

You are being unreasonable to even think about him after all this time, let alone worry about wishing him a happy birthday OP. Just ignore his birthday and any further attempts he makes to engage with you. He's not the one for you, move on with your life, absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about!

AffableApple · 02/01/2025 01:34

TwattyMcFuckFace · 02/01/2025 00:49

What do you think? 🤣

Honestly OP, really.

Quite. What a waste of words, OP.

Fuckbuddies? Pot, kettle.

catphone · 02/01/2025 01:39

Ok but I just don’t know why you haven’t done it before

Endofyear · 02/01/2025 01:45

Just block his number. You haven't seen him for 17 years! What are you holding onto? He is in your past, leave him there.

Hyperbowl · 02/01/2025 03:03

Why on earth are you giving headspace to a man who used you for sex after your mum died nearly two decades on?! That is awful. OP, you really need to block him and respectfully work on your self esteem because that is mind blowing and really sad. Very sorry about your mum.

Kitkatcatflap · 02/01/2025 03:32

You haven't seen him in 17 years - was that a typo?

Assuming you have not had the same phone for 17 years (if so tell us the brand) why do you keep saving his number? Delete, delete, delete and move on, Job done.

Catza · 02/01/2025 08:30

Were you single all this time and holding off for this bloke? That's some attachment here. Sex never means return of a relationship. Unless someone explicitly says "I made a mistake and I would like to talk about getting back together", sex is just sex.
"Why does he insist on us keeping in touch" - he doesn't. You are the one who feels guilty for not wishing him happy birthday. I don't see where he is the one insisting.

GreyCarpet · 02/01/2025 08:37

I voted YABU. Not for notnwanting to he his 'friend'but for going along with the whole charade and even questioning yourself.

17 years??

Why on earth are you keeping in touch with him? It's a two way street you know. If you ignore him, then he isn't 'keeping in touch' he's just making a nuisance of himself.

Come on! Don't message him, block him (this is one of those times when blocking is necessary and appropriate) and forget he even exists.

crockofshite · 02/01/2025 08:39

He wants to stay in touch so he can use you for a booty call.

Just fade him out, don't acknowledge birthday or Xmas etc, don't respond to texts.

Remind yourself why - if you feel guilty about it.

KimFan · 02/01/2025 08:39

Can’t beleive you’ve even wasted the effort asking about this. Just block him! 17 years have passed. He’s not in your life anymore.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 02/01/2025 08:42

@MrsSlocombesCat sorry but I think you have been pathetic!! why are you even still in contact with this user??? block on everything, change your number, change your email address!! move on for gods sake!

Mindymomo · 02/01/2025 08:42

Let it go, 17 years is way too long to be being bothered by this.

RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 02/01/2025 08:43

If someone random shag texted me happy birthday after 17 years absence I would be cringing for them and would assume they were looking for sex.

Don't give this historical relic a moment of thought.

PickAChew · 02/01/2025 08:47

Crikey. Just move on without the drama.

Butchyrestingface · 02/01/2025 08:52

You both sound as mad as hatters.

Just block him and move on.

MayaPinion · 02/01/2025 08:55

Just block him.

Original poster
MrsSlocombesCat · 02/01/2025 09:41

I'm not hanging on to anything. I literally feel guilt tripped when some time goes by and he emails me "what did I say/do to upset you?" He knows we won't have sex again, I told him it doesn't interest me at all. I think I just needed to be reassured that I wasn't being unreasonable in wanting no contact, so thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSlocombesCat · 02/01/2025 09:43

RupertCampbellBlacksEgo · 02/01/2025 08:43

If someone random shag texted me happy birthday after 17 years absence I would be cringing for them and would assume they were looking for sex.

Don't give this historical relic a moment of thought.

Edited

Well we weren't a random shag we were together for six years. I wish him happy birthday every year and vice versa. But I just felt that I didn't want to keep doing it this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSlocombesCat · 02/01/2025 09:44

crockofshite · 02/01/2025 08:39

He wants to stay in touch so he can use you for a booty call.

Just fade him out, don't acknowledge birthday or Xmas etc, don't respond to texts.

Remind yourself why - if you feel guilty about it.

He categorically knows I won't sleep with him.

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 02/01/2025 09:47

MrsSlocombesCat · 02/01/2025 09:44

He categorically knows I won't sleep with him.

Show quote history

Why are you keeping in touch with someone you don't see, is not a friend and you have no interest in?

Just block on all forms of social media, Whatsapp and email.

You no longer need this person in your life.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/01/2025 09:48

MrsSlocombesCat · 02/01/2025 09:41

I'm not hanging on to anything. I literally feel guilt tripped when some time goes by and he emails me "what did I say/do to upset you?" He knows we won't have sex again, I told him it doesn't interest me at all. I think I just needed to be reassured that I wasn't being unreasonable in wanting no contact, so thank you.

But... but... you HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR 17 YEARS!!! What exact relationship does HE think you still have? Pen friends?

If you really can't bring yourself to block his number/change your phone./delete him from contacts, then send all his messages to Spam. You are only torturing yourself. Unless you are quite literally his only human friend he won't miss you.

ohyesido · 02/01/2025 09:51

This man doesn't care about you. This looks like you are trying to find an excuse to get back in touch despite your assertion that you don't want to keep in contact.

What good can possibly come of wishing him a happy birthday?

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