AIBU to be finding parenting so hard with a CMPA baby?

[minnieot]

I'm just feeling so lost.

My baby was so, so wanted. I had two chemical pregnancies in the cycles directly before getting pregnant with him and I had a very anxious pregnancy, the moment I held him in my arms was an absolute dream come true and I've never been more in love, but I'm struggling.

I exclusively breastfed up until last week. I always knew I wanted to breastfeed and, though it was really hard for the first few weeks, I stuck with it and started to enjoy it.

I realised when baby was 5 weeks old that he had CMPA symptoms so GP recommended I cut milk and soya out of my diet. After weeks of this making no difference, I cut more and more food out to no avail. This led to my breastfeeding journey coming to an end as I could not possibly cut more food out and I'm so sick to death of seeing my baby in constant pain.

He's 4 months old and he has happy moments but, for the most part, he's straining and crying and screaming all day long, this is just not what I thought parenthood would be.

I've been back and forth with lactation consultants, GPs, my health visitor, the dietitian and it feels like nobody can help whilst I'm living day in, day out, having to constantly comfort my screaming and uncomfortable baby. We've resorted to cosleeping as it's the only way we can get any sleep, but even then he's up every 1-2 hours. He's struggling to drink the allergy milk and I don't blame him as it smells disgusting and I feel so guilty for giving it to him, I wish I could have continued breastfeeding but I felt I didn't have a choice.

I don't even know what I'm asking for here, I'm just so deeply tired, physically and mentally, I keep finding myself just wanting to disappear and not have to deal with this anymore.

I've been where you are with both of my children & it's so hard. It makes mothering really unrewarding, relentless & exhausting. It will get easier when solids are introduced. I'd definitely talk to all/any healthcare professionals (GP, midwife, health visitor) about the toll it is taking on you & your ability to bond with your baby. For me it tipped over into PND. Maybe investigate local charities that support new parents (in England Home-Start is excellent) and get as much help as you can from friends & family. Rest &
time for yourself is SO important when it is such a struggle. It will get better but it's the hardest thing I've experienced as a parent x

I have been in this exact place and it’s hell.
What milk is LO on?
Has the dietician tried any other milk?
With DS1 it was 5 months of this and the GPs having no idea and saying it was reflux. He used to vomit all the time and have explosive poos. He screamed constantly in the evening and all night and then would feed for comfort before an hour later waking again screaming in agony.

When the health visitor saw me in pieces at a weigh in clinic she asked if his poo smelt bad and then called my GP and demanded he be put on Nutramigen. He was like a different baby in 24 hours and then started sleeping!

DS2 I knew by day6 had it and went to the GP who was useless and told me breast was best and her kids had had reflux. I told her for the sake of my mental health I couldn’t go through that again and she prescribed Nutramigen which improved things but he still had constant diarrhoea and was losing weight. After days of threats from the midwife at all the newborn weigh in appointments telling us if he didn’t put weight on she’d send us to the paediatrician whilst ignoring us telling her he had constant diarrhoea she did send us to the hospital to see the dr who told me not to ever go back to BF and prescribed neocate. This improved things a lot and he put on weight and the diarrhoea stopped but he was still gassy and uncomfortable but when we saw the dietician she said because of all the diarrhoea all the good bacteria would have been stripped from him gut so prescribed neocate syneo which had a probiotic in it.
She literally fixed my baby!

Sorry this is so long but there is more that can be done but it feels like such a battle. Don’t give up.