Dh doesn't plan

[butterfliesandbee]

Been married happily for many years but increasingly frustrated by DH never planning anything.
We do travel but it's always last minute, booking long haul trips 4-8 weeks in advance. Because of this I feel like I never can look forward to a holiday because of the short notice, to me looking forward to it is part of the prep. It's not even the holiday, if we weren't going away all year then that's fine but tell me, I like to know so I can plan other things etc.
Dh is a brilliant husband and is sole earner but all family days out etc are left up to me. He happily comes. He is aware and I have asked so many times for him to let me know, maybe plan a day out but it never happens, not even a meal out that I haven't suggested.
I do have autism so like to know what's happening, DH is obviously aware but nothing changes.
Even writing this I think I am being unreasonable as I should be greatful for what I have, a comfortable life and the ability to be a SAHM but it's lonely.
Currently thinking about getting myself a job to pay for a holiday for me and the children, DH welcome if he wants to come but just so I have some sort of plan for the year.

Days out are at my suggestion always, he is very happy to come and we have a nice time.
AIBU and I should just be greatful? I am greatful but increasingly frustrated.

Why are you lonely? You say he happily joins you when you plan things.

If you're lonely and want to meet more people and have financial independence then going back to work sounds great.

However, you'll be busier and still have planning to do.

Why can't you plan the holidays?

If you plan a holiday in advance, would he agree to it? Or does he just go on the ones he’s booked spontaneously? If he would come to an advance-planned one then you need to sort it yourself.

Planning is a learned habit and also a skill to some extent. I don’t plan, and neither does DH - it’s fine because we’re childfree and have the sorts of careers where making last minute decisions is straightforward, and I’d feel a bit hemmed in if I had to plan everything months in advance.

As a SAHP with more home time, and somebody who really likes to have a plan and to look forward to things, surely it makes more sense for you to be the one who organises things like day trips and holidays in advance. If DH is happy just to do whatever you’ve chosen to do then what’s the problem with that? We operate our household in the basis of tasks being assigned to the person who feels most strongly / to whom that particular task is the most important and it’s a pretty successful approach.

This really bugged me for many years about my DH. So I tend to take the lead, it has its advantages but I always still run things by him - like holiday destination country and budget. If I get stuck making a decision I ask for his input.

Why can’t you book holidays further in advance?

I would be ok with planning holidays if I wasn’t the one paying for them tbf