How would you tell someone kindly to get friends

[Moonshine5]

I have a lovely 25 year old colleague who heavily depends on me. I am not sure how to tell her how that she needs to get friends her own age
How could I say this in a kind way? I really like her but simply don't have the time due to family and work commitments also we are in completely different stages of life.

I get what you mean but its not something you can say to a colleague without risking becoming a bully, instead focus on your own rules and boundaries. Keep all your communications professional and work related. If she's being a nuisance get some evidence and go to HR.

In what ways does she depend on you? Difficult to know what to suggest without knowing what she wants/expects from you

She phones me a lot, watts apps me incessantly asking for advice. For example this started at 9am today. But she is a good person and sweet, a bit lonely I suspect.

Don’t tell her she ‘needs to get friends’ - I’m sure she is painfully aware of this and has tried. Just put your own boundaries in place - explain kindly that you are busy/ need some time alone at lunchtimes to relax/ whatever. Be polite and professional and just keep a bit of distance. If you’re able to help her build relationships with other colleagues (by suggesting they work on something together/organise something together) then you could do this too.

Just stop replying as much and try to keep it work related

This will be just another nail in her lonely coffin. Don't do it. Just go quiet

You can say anything about her needing to make friends but you can pull back from contact. Mute her on WhatsApp and pick a time once a day or so to check messages and respond to anything urgent, or that you feel warrants a response. Don’t answer calls and return them every so often when it suits you. You could, if you wanted, let her know that your new year’s resolution is to spend time away from your phone and that you’ll respond as and when you can but won’t be in regular contact.

Thank you these are helpful responses that work

”morning xxxx I sleep in on the holidays so don’t look at my phone till lunchtime “” say this once Maybe twice , then ignore all messages that arrive before noon

direct all her questions to links rather than give personal advice
for example. “ should I tell Shirley at work I cant do that afternoon shift ? “ don’t reply with personal advice but google advice and send her a link on “ how to be assertive with your boss. “
make sure there is a good hour or two between her text and your reply

be cheerful and kind in person but don’t give her anymore time than you are prepared to give “ sorry xxx must get on …”

You don't.

I’d be tempted to faux apologize via text:

”morning Sarah, so sorry I never got back to you yesterday, I’ve just been crazy busy with kids, family, etc. Gosh I remember the days of being young and free like you, at this stage of my life I feel like I’m barely keeping my head above water with all of my commitments! Hope you had a great NYE, see you back at work”

Then don’t respond or engage in messages, gradually reply less often and just repeat how busy you are.

If she’s this needy I think offering advice will only increase her dependency on you. Plus the fact if she could make friends she probably would.

I think I’d just tell her that you’ve got a lot on at home at the moment, and just don’t have the capacity to help or be friends outside of work stuff.

If you are very worried about her, you could mention it to your boss or HR.

What sort of things is she messaging about?

If work stuff: know the expectations of your workplace, decide your own limits, then say "hey X, in the future please don't ask me work stuff [except in an emergency -if that applies to your role] after Ypm. I'm trying to improve my work/life balance."

(Saying it that way to try to avoid her feeling bad about stuff).

If it's personal stuff, then how about something like "I can't reply properly RN. Let's catch up next time I see you/Let's chat over coffee"
That way if she really does need the help you can talk to her, but it's not during your family time.