Would you be hurt or am I BU?

[Bluebellroses]

For years I have asked if my adult daughter who lives with me would come out to an event or show on new years eve. She's always flat out refused because it's too noisy, too busy and whatever.

Last year she suggested attending somewhere and I bought tickets only for her to refuse to go on the day.

Fast forward to this year and she has a boyfriend. As soon as he suggested it she's out in the same places she refused to go with me.

She was out with her boyfriend on NYE and stopped over at his (no issue obviously) but was supposed to spend new years day with me and family. She had asked us to sort food for her.
She messaged this afternoon and said that she was unwell and wouldn't be coming so I said I would see her at home instead.

Hours later she's still not home and is basically out for Chinese with her boyfriend.

Am I being ridiculous to feel a little hurt or am I being a twat who should get over it.
Both answers acceptable!

Sounds like she needs to move out.

It’s fine to feel hurt. I would too

It’s funny how love changes them, I’ve had similar with my DD. I suggest you get your own life, and don’t be so available.

You are right.
It's time to research something for myself for next new years I think and leave her to it.

Ask her how she would feel if a friend treated her like that. I would be hurt too

she don’t want to hang out with you now, your her mum your old, she can’t have sex with you, later when she’s older she’ll hang with you, you need to let her go for now. And find something else to do.

You’re not U to be hurt - you feel how you feel! But when you fall in love you’d walk over hot coals for them - ditching the parents in favour of the new squeeze would be a no brainier!

Maybe arrange something with the new bf next year if they’re still together?

I would feel a bit hurt about the preferring to go with her BF but I can see why she may do that. I’d be more miffed with the taking you for granted.
Asking you to ‘sort food for her’ and then not turning up, and not going with you last year when you’d bought tickets to something is rude and immature.
Sounds like you need to be a bit less of a people pleaser with her for a bit and she may appreciate you more.

Time for her to move out and live her own life.

I think you need to develop your own social life and not be making resentful comparisons with your DD’s interest in doing things with her boyfriend.

Some things are fun with a friend or romantic partner but really wouldn’t be with a parent. It’s not a rejection!

Is she new to drinking? Is "unwell" hungover? It is easy to have a lapse in judgement about how much is too much, I wouldn't take it personally. Although young people don't prioritise their parents' feelings like they would for someone else.