DP being off with me

[polkadotsss]

I’ve been with DP for almost 1 year we were friends before this and we have synced into each other’s lives very well and see each other often or are in contact via phone or message when we’re not with eachother.

My issue is I spent Christmas with him as my DD was with her dad and everything was great. Since Friday, I’ve not seen him. He hasn’t made the effort to come and see me and he’s been a bit off with phone calls and general contact. If I haven’t called him, I doubt I would’ve heard from him. For New Year’s Eve he went to a friends house. He messaged me at 12:30 to say happy New Year but it was a general message that I’m sure he copied and pasted and sent to a whole heap of friends and family. He’s not called me or anything today. My car broke down today and I’ve called him twice but no answer so I’ve messaged him asking if there is an issue as his energy is just off but he hasn’t replied and that was a couple hours ago.

Am I being unreasonable by wanting contact from him or him coming to see me, especially as it’s new years. Am I being too needy? Normally we would’ve seen each other by now. We’ve not had a fallout or an argument.

I’m just feeling really down and this is not how I wanted to start the New Year.

I dont think anyone can say anything other than give him a call and ask him is everything is ok between you two.

I would message him and ask him what's going on if he doesn't want to be with you anymore then he needs to say if he continues to ignore you then I would cut your losses to be honest and end it

That seems very strange. Doesn't sound great tbh.

For some reason it sounds like he wants you to end things.

So how many days did you see him over Christmas? At whose house? How were things left - could he have felt like it was all to 'domesticated' or something completely different? Have a think back, including to whether he spent time on his phone.

You've already messaged him and tried to call him. I'd leave it for today and see if any lights come on in your head overnight as to what might be going on. I always think that people know, deep down, what is most likely to be going on.

Could he be wanting some alone time if you stayed at his for a few days?

I had an ex who pulled this stunt. Turned out he was on a cocaine come down for three days. At 48 years old. Fucking pathetic.

Don’t bother contacting him again.

Maybe he is just very hungover after celebrating NYE? Leave it until tomorrow and see if he gets in contact.

I spent most days over Xmas period with him by his request. I'd go home to feed my cats and shower then go back to his.

Maybe he is hungover - he doesn't drink much but for new years I can imagine he might have.

He still hasn't replied to my message asking what's going on but could be sleeping.

I really don't get it, we were happy and now he's just gone distant. No sign he wanted to end it. I won't be contacting him again. When he eventually replies I can imagine him just saying nothings wrong he's just been tired.

It's very possible he's hungover/sleeping today. I'd wait and see if he gets in contact tomorrow. If he's still being off with you then I'd call it quits.

I’d wait and give him some space and in the meantime enjoy your own alone time as well. What’s he like with commitment? Not making excuses because I find this a bit rubbishy but could he be pulling back after what seems like a bit of a milestone? A year in though is quite committed anyway so maybe he’s just hungover and knackered after the festivities. I would just leave it and let him come to you though and if he doesn’t then that tells you all you need to know.

If someone was treating me like that and it was completely out of character (he's never done anything like that before), I would assume I had done something egregious or he had dumped me.

Still no reply from him. I called again but no answer. Think I've been dumped. I don't want to jump to conclusions but even if he'd lost his phone, he has other ways to contact me. I don't know what I've done to him to be acting like this. What a way to start the new year.

YANBU, that’s a weird way to behave after a whole year together. It may be that he has something else going on in his life which is nothing to do with you but he should still be communicating with you, even if just to let you know he’s struggling and needs a bit of time.

Sorry OP. I assume there's still been nothing. Better now than later is the best consolation you can take from this.

@polkadotsss

did he get in touch

I wouldn’t reach out again. He will have read your messages and has made a choice not to reply for whatever reason. I think you risk him not responding at all the more you text and call him.

I wouldn't contact him anymore it's up to him now. you've called twice and messaged him, so no definitely leave it now.

Sorry your New Year is starting out like this 😔Very shitty of him to suddenly ghost after what sounds like a steady relationship. If that's the case, on the bright side, you're dodging a bullet and have a fresh new year ahead of you to see what other new avenues life has to offer for you! I hope you can find a way to take your mind off of worrying what you may have done, you've absolved yourself of that by asking him if there is an issue, and the ball is now in his court. The fact that you're considerate enough to wonder that means to me that you most likely didn't do anything horrendous enough to be ignored like this.

Hope you're doing alright and your New Year is off to a good start otherwise! You sound like a strong person who will be able to roll with the punches and dust yourself off to move on for the better. Best of luck 💐🍫

I think he’s probably been overwhelmed by being together over Christmas and instead of speaking up he’s taking the cowards way out. Men often do this so they can crawl back with a lame excuse.

I'm sorry, OP - he sounds like a poor communicator and an arsehole, not getting back to you is bad form and not how an adult should behave. It does sound like he wants to end things and as someone else said, maybe the closeness over Christmas set off his commitment phobia or something like that (not your fault btw - with the right man, he'll want to be close to you and it would make him love you more).

I hope in time you'll see how that would make him a bad partner in the long run. Horrible to ruin your New Year like this though, especially as it's been a year and things were supposedly going well. Let him be and don't let him weasel back in it he tries to come back from this. New Year means a time to focus on yourself and the things you want, so you do that.

It sounds like he needs some distance after all the closeness over Xmas. That doesn't mean he wants to end it necessarily but I do think you need to give him the space to come to his own conclusions. A year is about the time that someone might be thinking about taking things to the next level and if he is avoidantly attached, retreat will be his go to. I would get on with your life and wait for him to come to you. Then you can decide if you want him in your life.

Was it a friend you knew whose house he went to for New Year?