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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to just keep them for a bit?

21 replies

Axalotllittle · 01/01/2025 15:51

A family member died just after Christmas after a short stay in hospital. They went in to hospital a day or two before Christmas and died before new year.

I have their pressies under the tree from my extended family and from my direct family too as I was going to spend Christmas with them.

I just feel too sad to do anything with them.

Aibu to just leave them wrapped up for a bit longer? I feel sad that they are just sat waiting for them.

OP posts:

Trallers · 01/01/2025 15:57

I'm so sorry for your loss, thats dreadfully sad. Of course leave the presents for as long as you feel you want.

Bramble25 · 01/01/2025 15:58

Sorry for your loss.

Justcallmebebes · 01/01/2025 15:59

So sorry for your loss and especially so around Christmas. You do what feels right for you x

slightlydistrac · 01/01/2025 15:59

I'm so sorry for your loss. Nobody will expect you to do anything yet, it's far too soon.

PheasantPluckers · 01/01/2025 15:59

Aw, OP, hugs and condolences.

There's nothing wrong with hanging on to them until you're ready to deal with them.

BudgieBardot · 01/01/2025 16:01

So sorry for your loss, my deepest condolences.
Take your time and deal with them you are ready

merryandbrightdelight · 01/01/2025 16:05

So sorry for your loss op this happened with my Nana years ago, and I ended up getting the scarf and gloves set my parents bought for her, and it always felt strange wearing them, because I knew deep down they were for my Nana.

You do what feels right for you, and deal with them when you feel ready.

RabbitsRock · 01/01/2025 16:10

So sorry OP 💐

Original poster

Axalotllittle · 01/01/2025 16:19

I think the weirdest was leaving the children and going in to hospital after Christmas lunch. I'm very fortunate I've spent a lot of time with my family member this past week.

OP posts:

Marylou62 · 01/01/2025 16:26

My darling Mum died peacefully just before Christmas and 2 days after her birthday.. I put in her new earrings and got a smile.. last one she ever gave me.. she will be cremated with them in..
I had bought a few presents for her but never got around to wrapping them... They're still in the shopping bag.. I will eventually get round to sorting something out but not yet...
Sending condolences and a hug...

comedycentral · 01/01/2025 16:28

I'm so sorry for your loss, hang onto them for as long as you need. Eventually contact the family and ask them what they would like to happen to the ones they sent.

Original poster

Axalotllittle · 01/01/2025 16:31

Luckily for now, family members won't mind. I feel like the presents are still waiting for them

OP posts:

menopausalfart · 01/01/2025 16:31

There's no right way to behave when grieving. So sorry for your loss.

sassyduck · 01/01/2025 16:32

Take all the time you need. There is no rush. Just be gentle on yourself.

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 01/01/2025 17:41

Marylou62 · 01/01/2025 16:26

So sorry @Marylou62 - my mum died a few years ago on her birthday. It now feels like a great kindness she did me, giving me fewer ‘hard days’ each year. I hope you’re coping as best you can ❤️

OP, you’ve been through such a trauma, do what feels right to you 🌷 If it helps you to grieve, then do it; someone once said to me that as every person is a different ‘shape’, they leave a differently shaped hole when we lose them. Everyone’s grief is therefore a different ‘shape’, and there is no one right way to do it. I still have my mum’s ashes in the wardrobe- I know I’ll scatter them when I’m ready, but happy for her to be there for now.

DontshootmyRaptors · 01/01/2025 21:56

Stick them in a cupboard or spare room until you feel ready to deal with them,

TheatreTraveller · 01/01/2025 22:00

Keep them however long you need. My dad died in November, me, DH and the children still wrote his Christmas cards out as I'd already bought them and couldn't bear to throw them away. We put them up in his bedroom next to his Urn.

LadyInRainbow · 01/01/2025 22:06

Sorry for your loss yanbu keep them as long as you like
. Sorry I voted yabu because I thought you said they were for other people from the person who died.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 01/01/2025 22:13

So sorry, OP. Leave the presents where they are as long as you need to. I kept my mum’s handbag intact for 15 years. The day will come when you’re ready to let go of them.

Ginkypig · 01/01/2025 22:14

I think it’s fine to leave them where they are for now.

when you take the tree out if you still don’t feel ready maybe put them in a box then and only when you can bring yourself to deal with it, have you got someone you can ask to unwrap them for you. Once the paper is off they probably won’t feel quite as emotionally charged.

AppleBlossomMay · 01/01/2025 22:25

Aw @Axalotllittle I'm sending a hug your way, I'm so,so sorry for your loss💐
Of course keep the presents as they are for as long as you need to. There'll come a time when you feel ready to deal with them.

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