To draw a line under trying for a baby.

[Dutchandglory]

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 10 years, now both late 30s and I feel done with this stage of my life. We both test as healthy and there’s no findable cause. IVF is not a route I wish to go down and we haven’t, my husband is keen to try this route.

@Lottapianos agreed and I feel this way. Husband has been bringing it up over the festive period.

It's your body. Has he done any research into what goes into IVF? Particularly the risks of ovarian hyper stimulation? It's by no means a risk free or easy process. You shouldn't have to do it if you don't want to.

I see.

Would you say he wants children more than you do, then?

Or do you want children as much as he does but really just not want to try IVF?

Do you think you might regret your decision in five years' time and wish you had tried it?

Would you consider fostering or adoption instead?

What does stopping trying look like for you? Does it mean just not actively trying anymore, or does it mean actually going back on contraception?

I think it would be worth exploring this together - maybe in couple's therapy - to work out how you really feel.

I think it's fairly obvious why someone wouldn't.
And it's no-one else's business.

If you want to continue to try naturally and before we offer advise have you tried everything else? Have you both been tested?

Ivf can kill you. You don't undertake it lightly.
I would say go to counselling. You need to really listen to each other and explore in a safe space what your fears and desires are. Both of you.
That's not too much to ask of you.
And you need to talk about how long he'd want you to try and how many times and what financial limit you'd place.
I remember asking the ivf nurse this in an info session before we first started. Everyone laughed but she looked me dead in the eye and said no more than 6.
IVF changed me, not accepting infertility drove me mad and I'm honest started to drive us apart. 56 times of telling them dh no I wasn't pregnant. It was a miserable way to live. Getting home to Bham after miscarrying in Whipps Cross hospital and my ex telling me I could start next month. He was happy for me to put my body through hell - but when it worked he balked at getting the snip cos it would hurt. I feared him leaving if I couldn't give him kids - we were so lucky - but he left anyway
It's your body. But give him the courtesy of an open and honest discussion with a qualified neutral third party

People seem to keep pushing the OP into trying IVF but not everyone is that desperate for a child.

we got told we couldn’t conceive and would need IVF. We didn’t go down that route as we didn’t want children that much. Stayed off BC for 10 years until my periods got that bad I had no choice.

I don’t regret not having a child and I’m glad now we don’t tbh. I was wanting a baby for all the wrong reasons.

sorry that was me going off topic but just to say, OP I respect your decision to stop actively trying for children but I would make sure your husband is on the same page.

This is completely your right - everything happens us and if it isn't something you want to explore that should be that!

I do understand that being hard on your husband though, if he really wants this - it will take time but he needs to realise it isn't something that can be done if you don't want it!

We had a conversation before TTC and my husband said if it doesn't happen, I'm not interested in trying IVF, it's clear that it's meant to just be the 2 of us and we would still have a wonderful life.

We both test as ‘fine’ as well and no pregnancy after 3.5 years of ttc. I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this for 10 years. It’s totally up to you what you decide to do. We’ve tried IVF it hasn’t worked yet and we have 2 embryos left. I do Letrozole cycles as well . Nothing works and it’s so confusing.

Yanbu at all! It sounds very sensible and healthy to do so. But your husband may feel differently by the sound of it.

you say your husband is the broody one and that you've been of the "if it happens ,it happens" attitude...does he know that this is where you have stood all this time opinion wise? i honestly think you should stop trying and be honest with him about your feelings as it doesn't sound like you were ever that keen?

What would it involve for him, what would it involve for you?

It's easy to say carry on if you're not the one facing procedures!

I think you're done Op, you've tried for years and you've now accepted it probably won't happen. The people who are desperate for IVF haven't reached that acceptance and don't understand your viewpoint.

I 100% get not wanting to go down the route of IVF, we haven't been trying as long, but also as of yet unsuccessful and it isn't for me either. With IVF it's you and your body that has to take the strain, if you don't want to do it, you shouldn't.

Would you be open to adopting?