To want to leave my husband

[NewAccount1990]

So, long story short - I hate my husband. I feel pregnant 6 months into the relationship, we have a gorgeous daughter, who is now 5. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage (really difficult kids, who live with us 50% of the time). I have a son from a previous relationship (did reside with us 75% of the time until 6 months ago when he found his step brothers so obnoxious, he rarely sleeps but visits when they aren't here)

I reluctantly got married in October. I'd begged my partner to agree to a script as to why we were cancelling to save us both embarrassment and he refused. I ended up getting married, despite expressing to him daily I didn't want to go through with it and him responding he's doing therapy, he's so sorry for past mistakes and that I'm punishing the kids and humiliating myself, if I pulled out.

Post marriage- I've discovered lie after lie. About his financies, about his friendships, about his drinking, about how much his parents do (we agreed we'd paid for thr wedding without their financial input as they are in control of everything)- yet 48 hours after the wedding i find out, they gifted him £3k towards the wedding. We earn the same, and he claimed he was saving monthly like I was to afford the wedding. I found out he didn't do the therapy he agreed - this was around his lies. There's £1000s of his wage unaccounted for. I found viagra, and he admitted got ED and can't get hard at all without medication.

I'm devastated by the deception. We sleep in different rooms. I don't wear my ring. I cry all the time. AIBU to leave?, he claims im going back on my vows and im throwing in the towel without trying?

I know it's humiliating as we've only been married 2 months.

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine - I get your point and I've said i accept it. Stop pressing your agenda over and over. I was an idiot. I know and accept that.

I guess until you're in a situation, whereby your financial stability has disappeared, you have zero confidence, few friends, you question whether you'll have a job (well a career I've had for 15 years) and you're 100% reliable on someone fighting your corner, to get out of a situation that could have resulted in disaplinary, lss of my job and a mark on my DBS, it's hard to understand, exactly how I found myself clinging to this man, at the expense of my son.

3 years ago, when I was in my own house, had savings in the bank and a family support network, I would NOT have made the same decision and would have scooped up my children and moved to the Scottish Highlands from Oxfordshire.

You're clearly incapable of meeting him half way because your wishes get entirely subsumed by his, so you need to be absolutist and just disregard him entirely. No compromise, just do what you want every time (that's what he has been doing after all).

I was replying to another user who called me 'absurdly cruel'. I was defending myself, as you are doing now.

if you are in England or Wales, OP, you cannot have your marriage annulled. It has been consummated, you are not related , neither of you is currently married to someone else, and your husband is not in the process of declaring himself to be a woman

However, you can apply for a legal separation.

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine - that's her view. Let it go.

I'm unsure why there are so many immature adults on the Internet nowadays. Agreeing to disagree is okay.

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen - I know an annulment is difficult to get. I was going to get legal advice on it but there's two categories it may fit into;

1. We haven't had sex since we got married.
2. The category is "The applicant/respondent did not validly consent to its formation, whether in consequence of duress, mistake,

unsoundness of mind or otherwise"

Agreeing to disagree is okay.

Quite. For example, the user I was responding to could have agreed to disagree with me, because, in your words, "that's [my] view".

You could also agree to disagree with me over "my view", rather than telling me to stop pressing my agenda "over and over" (twice, incidentally).

YABU for staying so long and putting up with so much.

You deserve better than this. You ARE better than this.

You are in an abusive relationship and I think you will be needing support to get out. Take any support you can get even if you don't think it's right as it could lead you to other, more tailored, support.

Go to your GP and see if they can signpost you to local DA groups etc. This means it should hopefully be noted on your records.

Email or call Women's Aid or Refuge.

Talk to your friends and family - abusers rely on their victims silence and shame. Don't keep quiet any longer. Talk to the school for both your children, they need to be aware too.

The longer you stay married the more he will be entitled to your savings etc. A short marriage of one year might mean you walk away with what you had at the time of your vows. Do NOT delay.

Omg Op get out he’s a controlling twat. Take the kids somewhere get out now he wants you for your income there cannot be any other reason why would anybody in there right mind make somebody marry them when they clearly don’t want to. Can you stay with somebody else? Honestly don’t take any more shit from him see a solicitor get your annulment tell solicitor he forced you to marry him by blackmailing you about the kids. He is going to feel humiliated as well as you but you being strong you can rebuild your life again. Staying with him will probably end your life. Don’t live this way. His kids sound awful but he sounds a million times worse.

I realise OP has not been back since January, but I do hope you managed to get away

Playing for you OP 🙏

I remember from other posts weeks down the line her saying she was pregnant and was still with him.
She also said it was her first baby with him - despite her mentioning their 5 year old DD in this post - who knows what was actually real?!