To not want to spend Xmas hols visiting family

[coralsky]

Dp and I (no kids) live at the other side of the country from our family.
Our families aren't great at visiting us, it's always us who make the effort 3-4 times/ year which is fair enough given we're the ones who chose to relocate and some are getting on a bit age wise.
I'm just so over visiting during the Xmas hols. We work very hard jobs, long hours, and by the time Xmas hols come we're pretty shattered. But then have 10 days solid of driving the length of the country, getting a bad back from sitting in traffic jams and sleeping in uncomfortable spare beds, I always without fail catch a winter flu and by the time we come home I'm sick and tired.
I hate feeling like this as I know they won't all be around forever and I part of me would miss seeing family at Xmas.
Anyone else ?

Also, we don't have room to host here - even if we wanted to.

You aren't wrong to not do this every year. It's a hard time of year with lots of illness and sometimes you do need some down time.

Could you see them for a weekend mid December and spend this Christmas at home?

@Hayley1256 yes possibly although it's a bit tricky with work as we'd need to take a long weekend just before the Xmas hols.
I think we might book a holiday next year - if we're out of the country it doesn't feel so bad somehow, to not see the family

I also feel like every Jan we say 'we're not doing that again next year' but then mid way through the year we're forgotten how bad it was and end up going again 😂😂😂

We had similar but I found out booking a air bnb and having a Base plus a day or two where we didn't see family.really helped me feeling I had the best of both worlds. Is that a possibility?

YANBU

This whole you chose to move so you have to always travel to us every time is ridiculous as if jobs that pay enough are plentiful and it’s super easy to stay in the same place for everyone.

You visit more than enough, just don’t do it for Christmas anymore or alternate years. If they have an issue, tough.

That's a good idea @Enko.
My surviving parent has a rather big house so may look a bit odd if we don't stay there. But the beds are really uncomfortable and we always end up sleeping in separate rooms due to this. I've offered to buy a new bed/ mattress but they keep saying 'don't worry I'll sort it' but never materialises.
Then dp and I have a few nights apart so he can see some of his extended family. It's just a bit rubbish for us tbh.

First.time we.did it.we.made.the "excuse".we were having friends over.for.dinner. after a while.it was just.the norm.