DS1 “friends” being awful about autistic DS2

[Viserall]

Hi everyone. 8yo DS was on the PlayStation last night with some boys from his football team. He came downstairs crying saying that 2 of them were saying horrible things about his 4yo autistic brother. They were playing fifa and DS won the game against his “friend” then said “friend” said “well at least my brother isn’t autistic” Another boy who was also playing with them started laughing saying “yeah at least my brother isn’t stupid and makes uh uh uh noises” (I don’t know how else to write the noises he was making)

I feel so sad and angry this morning that my beautiful happy boy is being talked about in this way😔 and about how DS1 had to put up with those things being said to him.

How do I deal with these kinds of things? It’s so frustrating because I can’t control what other people say. I hope that’s the first and last time anything is said about him. Has anyone else had to deal with something like this😔

I think they’re too young for online gaming like this, which seems to provide boys with the bravado to say the most awful things to each other.

I would say stamp hard on it and also to tell the parents.

DS1 is now 14 and autistic and he is very closely protected by his classmates - especially when new children start and think it might be funny to make fun of him.

Children need to learn manners and sometimes empathy. Raising it with the parents as an 'I know it was game related banter but can you just address it' way I believe will help.

I would talk to the friends’ parents if that’s possible. Explain what has happened, if they are decent people they will be mortified and want to educate their children, luckily they may be young enough to learn.

That’s very hurtful.

Both my boys have ASD however the older is an Asperger’s type and has friends and play dates - the younger is non verbal and classical autistic.

We have had lots of kids here over the years and not a single one has ever been anything but kind and sweet to the little one.

I would address it with their parents myself. It’s entirely unacceptable and downright nasty.

If you know the boys parents I would address it with them. I think though that 8 is too young to be online playing games.

I would talk to the friends parents and the football coaches. I suspect that the coaches might take it a bit more seriously than the parents.

Agree this is the downside to gaming I've seen / heard it for myself with dd 14, who started getting into it during lockdown. Friends suddenly have the bravado to say horrible things in the heat of the moment that they wouldn't say to your face in person.

I'd definitely address it with the parents if you know them, thing is kids love to call someone a snitch and it just causes more issues for the child say if you were to tell them ds came to you upset and told you what these boys said. Personally I'd protect him from that by saying you were in the room / just outside, and heard them say something along those lines, please could the parents address it.

Saying that, if that kind of comment or attitude comes from the parent or within the family itself, then sadly there's not a lot you can do other than distance
yourselves from people like that. Dd is ND but to the outside world "high functioning", if I got the feeling that kind of ignorant attitude came from the family at that age I would keep her away from the kids as much as possible, we don't need crap or people like that in our lives and time to protect and be selective over friends.

It could be a one off, but in case it isn't or it spreads to others, ds should perhaps be armed with what dd calls a comeback. Ask ds to tell you if it happens again, if it does or happens at football now as a repeat comment I'd address it through the football club, hopefully they'd take it very seriously.

As an aside, I remember a couple of years ago finding out from dd and her friends, that saying someone is autistic is used as a slur, basically like when I was young and kids called someone a s***c, just horrible and ignorant.

I would just ignore it.
Football boys behaviour can be bad and much worse than this unfortunately.
If you want to address it perhaps get him to say that his mum can hear the chats.
Ive found kids in class at primary are ok with the autistic kid as they are used to them but its been much harder at secondary where they can be ostracised even by their friends.

I would definitely speak to the parents.