Family exclusion bullying and disrespect

[Ukrainebaby23]

Celebrating In laws special birthday, cooked them a late breakfast. Unannounced guests (and close family) arrived during breakfast and told in-laws they were being taken to a cafe for ?brunch ?coffee.. Idk as not party to the conversation.
Could they hurry up as table booking within next 30mins.
There was no direct conversation with me or DH to where they were going so we assumed we weren't invited (fair enough).

We sat down with DC and said cheery goodbye, c u later, have fun etc and then birthday in law got upset and said, why aren't you coming...."well we're not invited and don't know where you are going" also DC and me still in PJs..
Birthday in-law says, of course you are invited we do stuff as a group here...
So we race about to get ready, struggle with DC as they/me weren't prepared
I still don't know if we were invited, or gatecrashed, but surely it's not unreasonable to have a little warning when they know we have young children to organise.

Just feel like we were either bullied by exclusion or disrespected by no warning .
I really don't understand it.
Aibu unreasonable to think someone could have prewarned us, so we could have done a quicker brekkie, and prepared DC/ourselves, or should I just suck it up as a surprise for the in-laws and it's not about us.

@Ukrainebaby23 One thing I took a long time to learn, dealing with similarly toxic in-laws, is you don't need anyone else's approval or validation for your response to how these people treat you. Their behaviour makes you feel a certain way, and that's enough. I know it is totally crazy making, and if you're a nice person you generally want to check you're not overreacting or being mean and are probably quite confused by it all. The reality is no one else is there, or has the full context or backstory, so it will be difficult for anyone else to fully appreciate what has gone on. I know there are things my in-laws do which I can clearly see are hugely problematic but if repeated to others, without the full decades-long backstory, would sound fairly innocuous or like they could be explained away by 'miscommunication' or whatever. The latest being my narcissistic, alcoholic brother-in-law who is 'having such a terrible time because he is really struggling to cope with a death in the wider family', so much so that he couldn't even respond to my husband's polite small talk at the funeral. Of course that sounds like he is a hugely caring person who is so much more affected by awful things than the rest of us, when, in fact, he is a manipulative, dangerous man who is yet again making someone else's suffering about himself and using it as an excuse to be rude and nasty to his usual targets, in the hope of getting a response to rage against. Just as an example. I know it is frustrating watching manipulative people fooling others but sadly I think most people just have to see it for themselves. Point being, I think you are seeing it, you know how these people made you feel, and that really is enough. Take that information and use it to inform your future relationship with these people. Over time you'll get better at predicting their nonsense and avoiding it, and better at coping with it when you can't avoid it.

For what it's worth, I think it's obviously out of order to turn up at someone's house and whisk them away from their guests without making it clear who is or isn't invited or checking plans first. Lots of people aren't very good at planning, organising or communicating, some people are just a bit rude or thoughtless and a few people are truly manipulative and nasty. The context, history and how they make you feel will tell you which this was, although I think you already know!

Ive read the whole thread, and haven’t got a clue whats going on! Your posts are not very clear.
You were staying at your PILs house and decided to make breakfast for everyone. Someone else turned up to take them out for brunch and somehow a conversation took place somewhere where you couldn't hear. PILs went for brunch, you and DH followed but were an hour late. Did your PILs know beforehand that you were planning on making breakfast? Did either you or your DH not think to say - “oh sorry, Ive just made them a lovely breakfast, we’ll have to pass on the cafe”?
Far too much drama going on here.

I'd have just said ' no you go ' we'll see you later.

I did but that got the MIL upset, so we said we'd be there as soon as we could.