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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to tell my sister to stop being so needy/clingy

6 replies

makingdecisionsforme · 31/12/2024 22:11

She cycles through boyfriends and says they all blindside her with an 'off switch' and doesn't know why.

In reality she has been a bit of a woman child refusing to put her hand in her own pocket and rent and so overstays her welcome at their places, even telling me they are moving in together only to get broken up with shortly after.

Since her latest recent break up she has finally found somewhere to rent, hurrah I thought.

Except it seems her friends all have boyfriends or she has lost touch with friends or just not invited, so she had no NYE plans tonight.

I have a toddler and newborn, but managed to make lowkey plans at a friends for a toddler dinner at 5pm and was home for 8pm. I said she could come here but we would be going to bed no later than 10pm as i felt sorry for her and didn't think at her age she would be up for that but she was round here at 8pm hoping for a bit of a night in. I just immediately regretted extending the invite as we are running on fumes and are up 6 times a night doing dummy runs and feeds, I just wanted to put the DCs in bed and be in my own peace but she was here bright eyed and bushy tailed.

We were sitting watching TV and she told me she had a last minute invite, when I asked who/where she said she saw a friend of a friend post on instagram and asked if there was room for one more, bought a ticket to the night out they were going to and got in a cab and left. Last she messaged me she hadn't heard from them and assumed they were in.

Anyway they've all just arrived at 10pm and she's waiting to see if she can get in as she bought a pre 8.30pm ticket as that was all that was left. I feel a bit desperate for her. Do these people even want her there? I mean on the other hand good for her for finding a last min plan.

When she ran out the door she asked if we were around tomorrow and I said well yes but actually no... basically pls no we are so over stimulated here and she said ok see you tomorrow. She wants to be here everyday. I feel like she might be better off learning to enjoy her own company rather than keep forcing herself onto people trying to avoid it.

Maybe she will be more successful in relationships and friendships. I'm so happy she has her own place now but seems she is still unable to be on her own. It's a bit delicate, and she gets defensive. Any advice?

OP posts:
JMSA · 31/12/2024 22:36

I think you're being a little harsh. Living on her own is clearly a big adjustment for her.
My dad struggles with boundaries and with being on his own. He can take or leave friendships, but his idea of a good time is being with family and his beloved grandchildren. He's nearly 70 but I'm almost certain he has raging ADHD!

I hope your tiredness passes soon. It sounds hard Flowers

pictoosh · 31/12/2024 22:49

How old is your sister?
I think younger folks often feel pressure to be out or at a party at NY.

Forgottobuymincepies · 31/12/2024 22:51

Surely she can amuse her young relatives while you catch a nap??

Critsey · 31/12/2024 23:30

Stop saying yes when you mean no.
You are exhausted with two small children and don't need a 3rd.

What age is your sister?

CouldntGiveAHoot · 31/12/2024 23:43

Honestly, while she sounds a bit needy the main issue seems to be you not being able to hold to a boundary you think you need.

You invited her tonight. You didn't actually give her a straight no for tomorrow.

The better question for you might be how to say no to family, rather than expecting them to change.

makingdecisionsforme · 01/01/2025 09:00

She is 29

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