I'm one of three daughters, Parents had me as the executor of their Wills (sisters are in media/nursing, I'm finance). When Dad died Mum opened an account solely for her funeral expenses giving me access - on her instructions I'd check balances and update her on amounts, she'd get Statements through the post (Mum not online, no IT knowledge). Mum was firm she didn't want my sisters to know anything about her finances, but did tell them both that I had access to funds to pay for her funeral (obsessed she'd have a paupers funeral with us three daughters not having money to pay for it).
Me as executor was a source of irritation for older sister who thought she should be the one to sort things, and for younger sister who lived closest. When Mum died (over 16 years ago) I had both sisters with me at the Solicitors to talk through probate, Solicitor suggested they incorporate this "Funeral Fund" into the Estate with all funeral expenses paid through the Estate. Again, both sisters at the meeting, I checked with sisters they were OK with this, and it was agreed. Funeral was paid for and the rest of the Estate split 3 ways. I worked through the sale of Mum's home, all correspondence with the Solicitors, Banks, Pension, Utilities, Inland Revenue, the usual stuff.
Except.
Older sister had had 2 pints of cider at lunch before the Solicitors meeting, has no recollection of the Funeral Fund agreement and has told the family I've had the Funeral Fund away on my toes (approx 10,500 GBP). Younger sister told me this 10 years ago, (younger sister also doesn't remember the agreement but trusts I wouldn't do anything shady); I dismissed it as nonsense but it's grown legs - I'm not invited to extended family stuff, no Christmas cards, texts etc. Contact with both sisters has ceased in recent years - saw the older sister earlier this year at a friends funeral; she spoke to me but was very offhand. Rolling eyes to her DH. That sort of thing.
As a result of this I've recently spoken to the Solicitor who (even 16 years on!) has a spreadsheet which shows this Funeral Fund as part of the Estate. If I send this to both sisters I've no guarantee they'll tell extended family that it was their misunderstanding re this Funeral Fund and I've actually not done them out of what would have worked out at less than 1,500 GBP each for the three of us (expensive funeral). Neither sister are financially savvy and probably wouldn't know what they would be looking at. Am I flogging a dead horse?
I honestly could write both sisters out of my life, the flaming drama -!- but the thought of extended family thinking I'd commit fraud on Mum's finances makes me seethe. My professional integrity too .... And that my kid might be at my funeral in years to come with this being told as fact ....
YABU - leave it be, you know you did right, don't poke the bear
YANBU - send the spreadsheet, make it known you won't be slandered and you trust them to put right what has been told to others in the past