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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find it THIS hard?

8 replies

brightlyshone · 31/12/2024 19:13

Two young kids, preschooler and toddler. I love them to pieces but I am exhausted by them.

We had our first January 21, so lockdown . It didn’t feel like it at the time but it was comparatively so easy only having the one. He turned 2, got pregnant with the second relatively easily and so have two with a gap of just over two and a half years.

The thing is they are good children. My toddler isn’t sleeping well but that’s more to do with illness and teeth. They are mostly cheery and happy. But they are full on. I feel sometimes like I’m walking on eggshells, where everyone’s quiet and happy but then something will happen or even nothing will happen and toddler will burst into tears / have a tantrum and it takes ages to calm her down. Then the cycle starts again.

I do try really hard with my parenting. We get out lots, as I find them generally less stressful and groups and so on are good as they are contained and you get to chat to different people. But that’s an hour in the morning. And then the rest of the day is both impossible to fill but also hard to do anything constructive. Eg I want to start going to the gym, crèche is open 9-2. So either we forgo the morning activity or we don’t go as toddler sleeps around 12-2. I know this is temporary, she’ll drop her nap soon enough. But I’m finding the immediate sort of situation so so hard.

DH and I are struggling with no time to ourselves or one another. With just one I didn’t think so then but I comparatively had a lot of freedom. Not a lot but some flexibility. Now it’s just so hard for us both. I need more down time than I’m getting as I just have none but don’t know how to get it!

I am hoping it will be better when both are at school but that’s not for a while. And right now I can’t wait for them to be teenagers as all I can imagine is long lie ins, entertaining themselves on electronics, being able to sit in a restaurant again, maybe even going on holiday abroad … I know that will bring it’s own problems too!

OP posts:
Earyweary · 31/12/2024 19:15

I could have written this word for word

Endofyear · 31/12/2024 20:32

Life is very busy with two young children and you don't get much down time! If the afternoons feel long, get them out to the park for a long walk or run around, fresh air is good for all of you and it will tire them out! I always had a long bathtime too, lots of bubbles and splashing, you can let them play for ages.

Really try to have a good bedtime routine and get them to bed earlyish so you and DH have time to yourselves in the evening. This really did save my sanity when the children were small. Just to cuddle up on the sofa for a couple of hours together made all the difference.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 31/12/2024 20:55

Could you use the creche, let the little ones have lunch there and then toddler could nap after creche, say 2.30?

brightlyshone · 31/12/2024 21:04

Thanks - the problem is she’d never get that far if you like. The crèche doesn’t feed them, it’s literally just play. If I was going to go it would have to be first thing as if I went after the morning activity she’d fall asleep on the way. Then wouldn’t go back down but would cry relentlessly and be unsettled and upset for the whole day, plus risk a danger nap and mess up bedtime.

My nearly 4 yo would be fine and this is it, I just need to get to this point with my younger one but I do need to incorporate a routine with her even if only in the loosest sense.

@Endofyear thanks. We are out a lot but I frequently feel with my first I made the mistake if you like of shooting out of the house almost as soon as he woke up and then back for lunch and nap and then whooshing off again, back for dinner and bed. I almost had a fear of being in the house either him for extended periods! I do feel he needs a bit of downtime at home now and so do I really, but I don’t get any as it’s all fine and then suddenly there’s crying and tantrums.

It really isn’t forever though and I do need to remember this. Just so tired …

OP posts:
52for2025 · 31/12/2024 21:37

I hear you and I’ve been there. My oldest still doesn’t sleep well (SEN) but everything else has got significantly easier year on year. By the times your youngest is five your life will be unrecognisable compared to now in a good way.

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 31/12/2024 21:39

Mine are 8 and 11 now and I’m prone to extreme broodiness then I remember how bloody hard it was, like total misery for most of the day. It feels like you won’t get through it but I promise one day you’ll miss the tiny fingers and the cute voices and the little clothes and joyful innocence… it that doesn’t make it one iota easier.

This is normal to feel this way. Anyone who says otherwise either is deluded or had help.

Would it help if I tell you it gets easier? Every day. People say “It doesn’t get easier it just gets different!”. Theyre wrong. The difference is it’s not as hard.

Zanatdy · 31/12/2024 21:44

Life is hard with toddlers, i have 2 teens and they have been great, and I much prefer this age. Can you get a babysitter now and then? Carve some time out for yourselves?

brightlyshone · 31/12/2024 22:11

Thank you. It does help to be honest. And I know I’ll miss then as little children but I am also longing for some peace and quiet!

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