Christmas Gift Etiquette

[DefyingGravitea]

AIBU? We spent Xmas with my in laws this year but sent my brothers children their gifts in the post. I know they’ve received them. But haven’t received a single text or call to say thank you! I’m petty enough to bring it up but want some reassurance I’m not being sensitive and not saying thank you is rude! (Gifts were over £50 each!)

where have manners gone!

I agree very rude but if I don’t send for the upcoming birthday isn’t that rude of me?

No, it’s not rude to not send a present because it’s not an obligation on anyone’s part , and you don’t owe them anything . They might not like it but it’s not rude . But it might make you feel bad so I think I probably would send the birthday present because after all it’s not the child’s fault that they are not being encouraged to ring you or the parents don’t ring you. This birthday one I would send, but then I probably wouldn’t send any more Christmas ones.

Spend £20 on them next year - that’s still generous!

I recall having to write multiple thank you letters from about the age of 6 or 7. I have made my DC do likewise (unless the person was physically present and the gift opened and thanks given there and then).

My SIL used to make a massive deal about ensuring we sent her (many) DC gifts for Christmas and birthdays. I did it for a couple of years, but stopped after I never received a single letter/phone call/email/acknowledgement that the gifts had even arrived, let alone whether the kids had actually liked them. Nothing was ever said after I stopped sending them stuff...

Yanbu because their reaction to your message was terrible and very entitled.

DS says thanks in person to most people as most family are local and we see them at some point over the Christmas period. We obviously buy for nieces and nephews and siblings buy for us as a reciprocal arrangement. The kids are all polite and say thanks when they see me but I don't keep track! If I don't see them I don't expect any thank you really. (ETA They dont have phones to message and I dont expect an actual card..or want one as then we'd have to send one back and we'd all end up swapping countless cards that none of us want or need!) I think theres a general understanding they're appreciated).
I do think it's more important when someone buys for your kids who you don't buy back for...DS sends a card to my aunt for this reason and I also sent a message.

I do think it's important that children know to say thank you. But personally I really dont care if someone thanks me or not to be honest. I think cards are only worth the paper and stamps if you know people appreciate them...same as Christmas cards really.

I know this doesn't apply in your particular example because you know a card isn't going to arrive. But reading a similar thread I was shocked there are some people who seem to assume that a card should arrive on the 28th December. I thought I was doing well having mine ready to post today!

Is your SIL the same as mine! Sounds identical! Always wanting gifts and never saying thank you.

😁 If she is you're welcome to her, it just feels so grabby!

Once I gave one of my nephews two presents and the other one (as it was a bigger one) and when I saw her in person she commented that DN was “upset” he also didn’t get 2. SIGH!

And as an update I had asked my Bro and also SIL if they’d received them as I hadn’t heard anything. Bro said yes but they got so many they didn’t say thank you. SIL just replied saying “all received. Thanks.” RUDE!

edit to add she said she’ll “sort out a gift for my DC” when we next meet. So she hadn’t even got them anything!

Then don’t send a birthday present !

100%. Will send a card to be polite but I am not impressed! They’ll be annoyed but oh well.

I wouldn't worry about sending presents again, as they do sound quite rude and don't sound like the type to be waiting to get their children to write thank you notes. I get that it shouldn't be an exchange and surely people buy because they want to give a gift, but there is a certain expectation you would have got something for family or at least mentioned beforehand stopping giving gifts completely.

They actually said before Xmas that they’re sending something with my parents for the kids, but then says she didn’t and will “sort it out” when we next meet which is not often. So even worse!!

Well, I certainly wouldn't bother for this year then. If they get that much, yours won't be noticed if it's missing....

Totally agree but this reminded me of when I gave one nephew 2 gifts and the other 1 gift (different families but they must’ve discussed gifts) and my SIL got angry saying her son thinks I like the other more!