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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to have longer than 3 months maternity leave?

25 replies

Thankyouandgoodnight · 02/05/2008 19:26

This is a genuine question. I went back to work after 3.5 months after DC1 after a bit of 'pressure' from DH BUT I only work 3 mornings a week and so I couldn't really justify not going back to work IYSWIM.

Anyway - baby #2 is due in a couple of months and I am really thinking that I would like 5-6 months off this time round. DD is in nursery for the days I'm working and will continue to do so while I'm on maternity leave....DH mentioned something this morning about me going back to work at 3 months again. Money wise we can manage without me working but the cash 'is nice'.

What do you think?

OP posts:

lisad123 · 02/05/2008 19:28

do you get materity leave? I got 9months of paid maty leave and if i promised to go back would have got 12 months.
I dont think your being selfish, it goes too quick.

nickytwotimes · 02/05/2008 19:30

3 months does seem very short. I'd agree that 6 - 9 mths is more reasonable. At 3 mths, i still couldn't see straight, never mind the lo!

EffiePerine · 02/05/2008 19:31

I went back after 6 months and it was fine. 3 months would have been difficult.

Surely it's up to you, not your DH?

sarah293 · 02/05/2008 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

scottishmummy · 02/05/2008 19:35

i think you need to discuss your needs/preference with DH!would it help to work out logistics on paper for him.this is truly should be a joint decision.

shinyshoes · 02/05/2008 19:37

I'm currently on maternity leave. My baby is 3.5 months old , I am planning to take the full year. 9-12 months is unpaid but what we do is put my maternity money in an ISA, so in effect we dont see it, this is to see if we can survive on Hubbys money alone, at the moment its working out fine. He says as long as it stays like this I don't have to go back to work. I will, just to get me out of the house and for my own sanity and adult company. Also it will give me extra money for treats, anyway yadda yadda yadda you dont want to hear me bleating on.

I stayed off for 3 months with my first and for me it wasn't long enough. I am enjoying being at home with my baby.

They grow too fast. Don't miss it, if you can live with taking 5-6 months off, I'd say do it

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 02/05/2008 19:42

Personally I think the the adjustment from 1- 2 children takes time and energy levels do not bounce back, at 9 months ( after dd2)I am now only just in a postion where I feel I would be able to be a useful member of staff, ( nb I went back at 7 months last time and god knows what I was like).

I think you need to stand up to your dh and tell him what you -want- if money isn't desperate.

CarGirl · 02/05/2008 19:44

surely you get 6 months paid maternity pay or are you not in the UK?

scottishmummy · 02/05/2008 19:44

yes a singleton is VDifferent to a duo, also you need to take care of yourself too

meep · 02/05/2008 19:49

You should get 6 months statutory maternity pay - that's all I got - am very of those of you who got full pay (enhanced maternity pay)

To the OP - if you can afford 6 months off I think you need to sit your dh down and explain to him why you need to stay off.

Pre-dd I was all for going back to work full time - i had no idea how that gorgeous bundle of babyness would change my perspective and I had to sit dh down and tell him that there was no way I could work full time again - there were tears but he understood!

Willowwisp · 02/05/2008 22:14

If your in the UK, your allowed to take 12 months off as maternity leave, I think only six months of that is at SMP?

I got six months full pay (I know I'm very lucky), then three months statutory and I'm now on a months annual leave then back to work for me So I've taken ten months off in total, financially its been tough for the last three months but my reasoning is I can never get this time back with my DD.

I would have a chat with DH and explain your reasoning.

Enjoy your lovely bundle and your time with him/her.

scottishmummy · 02/05/2008 22:17

Government maternity info page"

lisad123 · 02/05/2008 22:34

I et 32 weesk SMP, 12 weeks 1/2 if i go back and 6 weeks 90%

peacelily · 02/05/2008 22:47

YANBU 5-6 months sounds fine I went back at 7m and it hindsight it was too early for both of us. Next time round I'll be taking a year

Woollymummy · 02/05/2008 22:52

I had 11 months last time, 5 months of it unpaid. It flew by, only really got fun with DD once she was 6 months old. I am planning to have 11 months with DS too, if he ever arrives ! Make the most of the time you have with them, get as much time off as you can financially bear. It is more important than the cash, which you can get later. You can never get that time back again.

alfiesbabe · 02/05/2008 22:55

The full 12 months probably has some downsides (well, the lack of any money for 6 months for starters!) but mainly the fact that it's not such a good time from the baby's point of view to start being left at nursery/CM when they're older. From the baby's persepctive it's easier to adjust to childcare at 3 months than it is at 6 or 12 months. But from your point of view its harder work!!
I returned 3 days a week when my eldest was 3 months - in those days maternity leave was only that long, well, you could have another 3 months but unpaid which many mums couldnt afford. I found it tiring and demanding, but I've got to be honest, my dc settled better at her CM and was more confident than the young children of colleagues of mine these days. Most people I know have the full 12 months off and then are surprised when their kids are clingy and lacking in confidence and won't settle at nursery. So all in all, probably easier for the little one, but hard work for you.

twinklingfairy · 02/05/2008 22:55

I thought the standard had changed to 9 months?
You are entitled to that but I think it is down to discussions with your DH.
IMHO I think he was being unreasonable putting any 'pressure' on you in the first place.
Just my feelings though.

Original poster

Thankyouandgoodnight · 03/05/2008 06:23

Hi everyone - thank you so much for your replies. Sorry I haven't replied myself sooner. I'm self-employed, so I only get the basic £117 per week or whatever it is.

DH and I went out last night and he asked me if we were going to do the same thing again and put DC#2 in with a CM at 3 months and I go back to work. After chatting it turns out that he thought we did it because we thought it might be good for DD rather than because we needed the money. I told him that I went back to work so early because I felt that I couldn't justify not going back to work etc but that I was really hoping for longer this time around if we could get away with it. Anyway - he then got in to a stew about not treating the 2 DCs the same and perhaps we put DC2 in with a CM while I just do other stuff .

DD definitely did benefit confidence wise from spending time with others but that's an aside issue and specific to the child I guess.

OP posts:

alfiesbabe · 03/05/2008 09:29

Good that you two are discussing it anyway - as long as you keep communicating, you will come up with a solution. The age thing and how well your child will settle is an important consideration. I wasnt really aware of it until recently,as the people I work with now tend to take the full 12 months leave, and almost without exception, they have all found their children have taken ages to settle with their CM/nursery. Some of them have found it very hard, with crying, clingy children. Which made me realise that to start leaving a child at around 10/11 months old is much more of a wrench than when they are 3/4 months. I never had any problems with my own kids; and I suppose the comparison struck me. But as I say, it's more demanding on the parents when the child is small, particularly if still bf as I was. Swings and roundabouts isnt it.

nobodyputsBBinthecorner · 03/05/2008 13:07

hmm i wld be tempted to take whatever i was entitled to paid, particularly if you can manage withoput your wage but thats just me! i suppose it depends on how you adjust etc hope it goes well for you!

Judy1234 · 03/05/2008 13:37

In the UK you get 6 weeks at 90% pay and then it plummets to £112 a week or something so if you're on say £50k a year most women with mortgages and childcare to pay for and husbands to support in some cases have to go back sooner. But anyway it's good to get back quickly. Makes you feel much better and gives yo ua break from the tedium of little babies

scottishmummy · 03/05/2008 19:27

but not all mums find it "tedious"

mymblemummy · 04/05/2008 00:44

No, strangely enough, some actually enjoy little babies, and even big ones. That's why they had them.

alfiesbabe · 04/05/2008 00:49

I think we all love and enjoy our babies. Enjoying our children and enjoying our work lives are not mutually exclusive.

flossish · 04/05/2008 00:50

I've had roughly the same time off with both of mine. I went back at 8 months with DS approx, and 7 months with DD. this is mainly because DD was two weeks late where as DS was two weeks early. I've needed to go back at that point and not before because I do long days. I'm fine about being back to work and (shhh) I'm enjoying the freedom! But for me 3 months would be far too young.

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