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Original poster

Christmas presents overload

34 replies

harlacem0507 · 30/12/2024 23:13

Just a light hearted topic more than anything but does anyone else have a family member (in my case MIL) that goes TOTALLY overboard with presents for the kids (and us) but it gets to the point every year when you kinda dread it? I know it comes from a very generous heart and she's a wonderful woman but she does have a shopping addiction (will buy new things then immediately throw them into a cupboard for years) she even told me she buys and gets a buzz and when they arrive she doesn't care for it anymore. Going off the beat and track here, but how do I advise her to not go overboard? I have asked and dropped hints in the past and it calmed down the last two years and has suddenly gone up again in volume! I think she saw my face when her and my FIL walked in on Christmas day with 7 large bags for life full of gifts and said 'well u might not get much next year as I might retire' but she's said this 3 years running. I have a 3 bed semi with very little storage and the sheer amount of things completely overwhelm me. Has anyone had this before? And have said something to that person that actually worked?

OP posts:
Nextyearhopes · 30/12/2024 23:16

My gran. God rest her soul.

She just loved buying for other people (my and my mum mainly). It just made her happy. Nope, nothing stopped her and we wouldn’t have got firm. It made her Christmas (and her life) to be generous. She was a war child and knew what it was to go without so she reveled in plenty in her old age. We still had great morals and a huge sense of gratitude.

I never cared about the presents. But I would give anything to have her back.

MumChp · 30/12/2024 23:20

Ask her to buy less. Be honest. Say you don't have the room for storage. Tell her you will
sort the presents then handed to you. Give the stuff you don't want the children to have to charity.

EatAllDay · 31/12/2024 05:01

harlacem0507 · 30/12/2024 23:13

Just a light hearted topic more than anything but does anyone else have a family member (in my case MIL) that goes TOTALLY overboard with presents for the kids (and us) but it gets to the point every year when you kinda dread it? I know it comes from a very generous heart and she's a wonderful woman but she does have a shopping addiction (will buy new things then immediately throw them into a cupboard for years) she even told me she buys and gets a buzz and when they arrive she doesn't care for it anymore. Going off the beat and track here, but how do I advise her to not go overboard? I have asked and dropped hints in the past and it calmed down the last two years and has suddenly gone up again in volume! I think she saw my face when her and my FIL walked in on Christmas day with 7 large bags for life full of gifts and said 'well u might not get much next year as I might retire' but she's said this 3 years running. I have a 3 bed semi with very little storage and the sheer amount of things completely overwhelm me. Has anyone had this before? And have said something to that person that actually worked?

Beaten track! lol. Sorry for pointing that out.

I think you need to have a proper conversation with her. Let her know that you are so grateful but you just do not have space for such quantities of gifts. Maybe suggest tickets for panto instead?

tilypu · 31/12/2024 05:42

Do your children spend much time at hers?

Maybe take a lot of it over to hers for them to use while they are there

dottiedodah · 31/12/2024 06:04

Can she afford it? If yes then I would leave her to it..she obv gets great pleasure from treating you all.if not ,say how much u love her and her presents , but she doesn't need to buy so much. You love her anyway! Probably won't change her though 🤷

Zanatdy · 31/12/2024 06:07

You need to have a proper chat with her about it, re space and kids receiving too much. You can also tell her how easy it is to return things now with drop boxes etc, no more queuing in the post office.

RossGellersCat · 31/12/2024 06:53

My MiL too! We had a gentle word after boxing day a few years ago when my son was so overwhelmed with all the presents that he cried and said he didn't want to open anymore (it was between 25-30 gifts). She has significantly toned it down since to about 7-10 gifts each but it still feels a lot! My parents get them one gift each and we probably buy them about the same number as MiL does!

RossGellersCat · 31/12/2024 06:56
  • Oh, and failing that when MiL does still go a bit excessive we've learnt to just accept it (as the gift giving is more about her need to give than our desire to receive) and we then donate any inappropriate or duplicate gifts to charity in the New Year.
Jifmicroliquid · 31/12/2024 06:57

Beat and track, that’s a new one 😅

Happyinarcon · 31/12/2024 07:07

Maybe you could channel her into buying smaller more expensive things? My mother now focuses on charms for a charm bracelet or small pieces of antique jewellery. Takes up less space

BabyAllergy101 · 31/12/2024 07:25

My Mum is the same. It's hard as it comes from a kind and generous intention. I limited her to three per kid this year, explaining that the kids found it overwhelming. I also said that because she buys so much we can't really buy our own kids anything as there will be too many and that seemed to help. I also reminded her a few times in the lead up. She was a bit annoyed but generally OK with it!

Mumistiredzzzz · 31/12/2024 07:32

EatAllDay · 31/12/2024 05:01

Beaten track! lol. Sorry for pointing that out.

I think you need to have a proper conversation with her. Let her know that you are so grateful but you just do not have space for such quantities of gifts. Maybe suggest tickets for panto instead?

Show quote history

Haha! I really hope beat and track is autocorrect!

Itsallgonesideways · 31/12/2024 07:34

Text her and thank her for the gifts and ask which gifts she'd like to return and swap for an activity/sports pass. Then mention if she doesn't have the receipt then you'll donate some gifts to charity or a women's refuge.

Then follow through, this method worked with my mum as she didn't like me donating her gifts to charity! We now get an activity pass for the kids which is more useful.

You can always regift the duplicate toys for birthday parties.

nationalsausagefund · 31/12/2024 07:44

My MIL.

Thankfully she lives a long way away so posts the piles of crap, which gives me and DP the opportunity to open everything, cherry-pick one (1) thing each the DC will like, then donate the rest before Christmas so someone else can benefit. Still a massive pain in the hole but at least it’s not in my house.

If she’s local I think you need to physically show her the result of her actions: invite them over and show the overflowing cupboards, lack of space to move around your own house, etc.

Do a major major declutter this year (it takes time but eventually you can make bank on eBay and Vinted) then start early in autumn with the discussions of what reasonable gifting looks like: for the amount they’re spending could they instead give family tickets to a local attraction that you’re likely to visit on repeat? Where they could come too (even if you don’t want them to, it’s an incentive!).

Newyearpug · 31/12/2024 07:45

Save your money
Don't buy anything yourself
Try to guide her to the presents your children want and ask to return the ones you know they don't want
Try to turn this to your advantage
She could well save you a lot of money

BensonStabler · 31/12/2024 08:06

Try talking her into less than a handful of fun toys, and if she feels the urge to spend, perhaps she buy tickets to a family fun day out or an experience.

Suggest an agreed amount that you will gladly accept, and be completely honest about the lack of space and how it makes you feel, and you don’t want spoil your child or waste anything. Then say that anything over the agreed maximum, will be given to charity.

Alternatively, if she’s still not going to change her ways, ask for the receipts, return them and put the money in your child’s savings account. Or even back to her if you don’t feel comfortable with taking that.

Be firm and stand your ground. I would add up approximately just how much she is spending over the years and point out how that could make a such a meaningful contribution to either your child’s future, or her own finances and savings for her future.

Original poster
harlacem0507 · 31/12/2024 09:18

Oh jesus yes it was supposed to be beaten track, my phone often changes my daughter's name to Arnold! 🤣🤣

I think I'm gonna have to be firm with her, the amount of presents we have sitting on the landing is crazy and I can't even bring myself to go through them all. Sounds horribly ungrateful but unless I know yourself it's very overwhelming. My Oh suggested asking for money/gift card to do a day out instead which I think we would get far more enjoyment out of but I worry she'll spend even more 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Chelle1894 · 04/01/2025 09:41

This is a little off topic, but it sounds like your MIL might have a shopping addiction. I have Impulse Control Disorder, and addictions like that are part of it. Buying stuff sends a shot of serotonin to her brain and makes her feel really good. It's similar to a gambling addiction. No matter how much she tries to stop, she'll eventually do it again. I make jewelry, so i was able to turn mine into a positive, by buying supplies for my jewelry, selling it, then buying more supplies to replace them. I'm not saying that this is what she has, but that sounds alot like me when it's happening. Just something to consider.

WhatK8DidNext · 04/01/2025 17:06

I told my MIL so many times that we just didn’t have the room (plus it was an excessive amount of massive plastic tat that broke after one use & caused upset) … I told her firmly that I would be leaving it at her house if she did it again. She ignored me … so we left the whole lot at her house the next year - as the kids were opening it I said stuff like “oh look that’s going to be fun to play with when you come to Nana’s” & “oh it’s good Nana has space for that as your room is full”.

She hated all the crap in her house and NEVER did it again 😂

BasiliskStare · 04/01/2025 17:11

@harlacem0507

We had this in spades - after the first couple of time ( given DC used to spend quite a bit of time with them ) we suggested they keep some at their house to play with when they visited. That seemed to work.

BBQPete · 04/01/2025 19:06

We managed to persuade the person in our family that used to turn up with a bin bag full of presents for each of our dc, to get us a family annual pass to a local attraction instead. They still got a few things to unwrap, but it did cut things down greatly.

TammyJones · 04/01/2025 19:51

Chelle1894 · 04/01/2025 09:41

This is a little off topic, but it sounds like your MIL might have a shopping addiction. I have Impulse Control Disorder, and addictions like that are part of it. Buying stuff sends a shot of serotonin to her brain and makes her feel really good. It's similar to a gambling addiction. No matter how much she tries to stop, she'll eventually do it again. I make jewelry, so i was able to turn mine into a positive, by buying supplies for my jewelry, selling it, then buying more supplies to replace them. I'm not saying that this is what she has, but that sounds alot like me when it's happening. Just something to consider.

Going ti say it sounds like a spending addiction.
My mil loved quantity over quality
It was all about her ....not the gift receiver.
My dh had no qualms telling her that Tammy would send it all to the charity shop.
She soon stopped
Bil and sil still got bags and bags of tat ....

TammyJones · 04/01/2025 19:53

WhatK8DidNext · 04/01/2025 17:06

I told my MIL so many times that we just didn’t have the room (plus it was an excessive amount of massive plastic tat that broke after one use & caused upset) … I told her firmly that I would be leaving it at her house if she did it again. She ignored me … so we left the whole lot at her house the next year - as the kids were opening it I said stuff like “oh look that’s going to be fun to play with when you come to Nana’s” & “oh it’s good Nana has space for that as your room is full”.

She hated all the crap in her house and NEVER did it again 😂

You're my hero.
Like I said it's all about them.
It's not about the children.

PassingStranger · 04/01/2025 21:46

Ask them to.put.money aside instead or donate to charity it's ridiculous. People don't need lots of presents.

oobedobe · 04/01/2025 21:55

With certain people you know they are going to buy stuff no matter what. We live overseas so my MIL cannot buy/send us too much, but I know come Christmas she is going to send a bunch so I try to direct her to things the kids need or want, such as slippers, dressing gowns, hoodies etc.

She is great and happy to take suggestions and asks for links etc.

She will still go to TK Maxx and buy some random stuff but at least most of what she sends is asked for.