Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say enough's enough?

9 replies

Prforone · 30/12/2024 23:00

I've been seeing someone for 2-and-a-half years now and, although I love him, I'm starting to think I need to end the relationship as certain factors are bringing me down.

He's an alcoholic - was totally upfront about it when we first met and said he was not drinking. However, in the space of our relationship he's had two relapses. Each time he's started going to AA meetings but stopped after a few weeks, maintaining he'd got it under control. He had a further relapse recently and, when I questioned it, he lied and said he hadn't been drinking. I didn't believe him so asked him again a couple of days later, at which point he admitted he had, apologised for lying and said he realised he needs to go to meetings regularly, get a sponsor, etc. He last went to a meeting two weeks ago and, although has had opportunities in the past fortnight, hasn't gone. It makes me think he's not committed to doing so.

Also, I've never met his parents. Didn't question it for the first couple of years as assumed it would happen in time. I did mention it in passing a couple of months ago when he was talking about them. He said he would arrange a time to take me, yet at the beginning of December he announced he was going to visit them and didn't invite me, and couldn't understand my upset. He then invited me as an afterthought (I didn't go).

We were abroad recently and I couldn't find my 'phone. I asked him if he could call it and he said no because the call would cost him £2.

Am I being blind to several red flags here? Or just being a little oversensitive?

OP posts:
MzHz · 30/12/2024 23:04

Shocked that you need to ask.

seriously tho, we know what it’s like when you’re in the trenches, you can’t see the wood for the trees.

this is the beginning of you’re awakening, yes you do need to end this for all of the above - and I’m guessing there’s lots more.

yes love, it’s over

username299 · 30/12/2024 23:05

I can only imagine that you've got no experience with addiction which is why you opted to stay after he told you.

End the relationship and move on. Don't get involved with an addict again.

Bigcat25 · 30/12/2024 23:09

Has he ever given a reason for not introducing you to his parents? Does he see them often himself?

The phone thing is crazy.

DorothyStorm · 30/12/2024 23:11

Also shocked you need to ask.

Fleetheart · 30/12/2024 23:11

yup I agree - run away as fast as you can. Addiction is no fun and you do not need to get involved. He has to sort it himself

Prforone · 30/12/2024 23:15

DorothyStorm · 30/12/2024 23:11

Also shocked you need to ask.

MzHz hit the nail on the head - can't see the wood for the trees 🙁

OP posts:
Prforone · 30/12/2024 23:20

Bigcat25 · 30/12/2024 23:09

Has he ever given a reason for not introducing you to his parents? Does he see them often himself?

The phone thing is crazy.

Without wishing to sound like I'm making excuses for him, he does shift work and a lot of times his visits have been on his days off when I've been working. Maybe visits every 6-8 weeks (and yes, I realise in that time he could have arranged a visit on a weekend when neither of us were working).

And yes, the 'phone thing is crazy. Felt like the beginning of the end when that happened. It was on the first night of our holiday and made me feel like shit for the duration.

OP posts:
MzHz · 31/12/2024 16:19

Prforone · 30/12/2024 23:15

MzHz hit the nail on the head - can't see the wood for the trees 🙁

I was in an abusive relationship for years

mumsnet gave me the confidence and vision to be able to leave.

the first step towards freedom and a better happier and healthier life is to find the truth. First you have to admit the truth to yourself and then- as here - to others, you’re opening up to strangers and checking what you’re feeling, what your gut is telling you

do you have any real life friends tou trust enough to tell? We can help you from here to get a long way down the path you have to take, but it really helps to have someone in real life to help you.

Anonymus89 · 31/12/2024 16:37

He’s an alcoholic and resents spending £2—what kind of life do you see with someone like this ?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page