ExDh giving unhealthy snacks to child with bad teeth

[wallysock]

Dd is 7 and I'm worried about her teeth but her dad isn't interested.
I wasn't brought up on junk food and sweets were a rare treat, we never had take away and my mum always cooked a healthy meal.
ExDh was brought up on junk food and fast food buys sweets for himself and our dd weekly despite my disapproval.
Dh has black/missing teeth and dd has one bottom tooth which is discoloured and now one of the top front tooth is coming through the same.
The dentist has said she needs to cut down on sugar which she does with me with healthy meals and no sweets but exdh buys sweets on his time, fizzy drinks and takes her to fast food restaurants.
He says he can do what he likes on his time and I can on mine but is there anything I can do? He's bought her a ton of chocolate and sweets for Christmas.

One of the reasons we divorced was different parenting styles.

There are genetics as well as dental practices at play with regards to dental health. We knew we had a history of bad teeth in the family so we were very careful with DD. She still ended up needing dental surgery by age 2. Her baby teeth had all arrived early and there was damage almost instantly.

what we do to try to keep her teeth healthy is

1. use an electric toothbrush, not a manual. She even goes on holiday with an electric.
2. have hygiene appointments every 3 months and dentist visits every 6 months. We have to pay for this privately because it is more frequent than the standard schedule.
3. she gets topical fluoride treatments when she sees the hygienist every 3 months. Again, we have to pay for this.

this rigorous system seems to have stopped the damage that started with her baby teeth. Her adult teeth have continued to be healthy, despite like her baby teeth arriving far ahead of the norm (genetics at play)

That may be something to look into, her baby teeth were fine but it's the adult teeth coming through that are worrying.

We also pay privately for our 8 year old DS to have 3 or 4 visits a year to a BUPA dentist for topical fluoride and check-ups. We have also paid for a hygienist appointment as his mouth is so crowded it can be very difficult to clean his teeth. We are still cleaning his teeth ourselves twice a day. One of his private dentists told us that children do not have the necessary dexterity to clean their teeth until they are able to tie their shoelaces (my DS struggles with this!)

He actually has hyper mineralisation and has caps on two of his back teeth to prevent further decay. Again this is genetics at play, on my side unfortunately - my DH hasn’t had a single filling despite having a large sweet tooth! DS has a lot of adult teeth already and they are coming through well with minimal signs of hyper mineralisation thankfully.

We also buy a special toothpaste - BioMin - from the dentist directly or Amazon. We also use the tooth mousse from the same brand.

Continue the good diet at home, send him a text relaying what the dentist advised and ask him to reduce sugar with her and educate your daughter on healthy food so she can learn to say no thanks.

If he’s not prepared to change (pretty pathetic of him) then you need to equip your child with the knowledge and skills to help her care for her teeth while she is at dads. Get her a fancy electric or battery powered toothbrush to take with her and keep drilling into her that she needs to brush well twice a day. Encourage her to sip water after eating sweets and send her with a nice water bottle for this. She’s old enough to take a little responsibility for this. Yes he should be overseeing it but let’s face it he’s not going to. You can also encourage her to say no to so many sweets and just tell dad she’s not hungry and too many sweets aren’t good. Maybe she’ll shame him into changing his ways!

My DD has poor enamel (genetically) and we were told to apply a tooth mousse. It's milk derived not fluoride and works to strengthen the teeth and restore a neutral PH after eating sugar, I think. We apply it morning and night after brushing and she gets an extra application if she's had something super sweet.

I got it on Amazon. It isn't cheap but the dental hospital we attend were very keen on us using it as a preventative measure.

Try talking to your DD, she's old enough to understand that snacking will lead to bad health (teeth and otherwise). She can have treats but tell her to save it for after the meal. If she has them as a desert less harm will be done to her teeth, her blood sugar level won't spike and she will probably eat less since she's full.

This. Tell her the best bad choices (chocolate after a meal) and the worst (toffee at bedtime). Sugar that is gone in a moment, like chocolate, is a better choice than anything sticky, ever present and acidic.

That way she can make better, but not perfect, choices on her time with dad.

I presume that your ex-DH doesn't care about his black and missing teeth as he doesn't seem to mind the same thing happening to his daughter? He sounds awful.

I agree with other posters that you should talk to your DD about the importance of good oral hygiene.

What does your dentist say about your DD's discoloured teeth?

I would maybe speak to your daughter and get her a really good electric toothbrush. Make sure she knows how to use it properly, takes it to dads and is at least brushing her teeth really well twice a day, and focus on a low sugar diet and lots of brushing at home.

You could try xylitol. It's meant to cut down on the bacteria in the mouth that lead to tooth decay.

Give her xylitol chewing gum to eat after sugary snacks

Can you arrange it so that he has to take her to her next dental check-up? Perhaps a word straight from the dentist may help.

They said to cut down not cut out. So if she's with you most of the time - one or two treats from Daddy won't hurt.
Also hopefully you're not giving her any fruit; my kids dentist said if you're giving them fruit with bad teeth you may as well give them a lollypop to suck on.

What a horrible dad. This is neglect and he needs to be held to account. Can’t he imagine the embarrassment and pain she will experience from rotten teeth? He should be responsible for all dentist appointments and treatments and if he refuses then the courts need to be informed. What he’s doing is harmful, I can only imagine this is the tip of the iceberg with this man.

That's really interesting. How old is your daughter? (You can give an age range if you feel more comfortable doing that)