I'm 56, ExH is 60 and we've been divorced for a number of years. We still get on - ish. We live nearby one another and help each other out with stuff. I also have a DD aged 23 who lives with me who has special needs - she still needs support for a lot of things (food prep, personal care etc.). ExH isn't her bio Dad but has been in her life since she was 4 and they have a nice friendship, he will help out with her care from time to time as I work p/t - like I say, on the whole, we do all get on.
He has no-one else in his life, no partner, his adult son lives several hours away and they have no real relationship anyway (ExH's fault). No other family and he has no friends. ExH is an alcoholic and the problems that that caused during our marriage (he hardly ever worked, left me to pay for everything, run the home, cover the bills, sort his life stuff out, all housework etc, etc there was no DV or anything like that) is the reason that we aren't together.
He lives a five minute drive away and gradually over a few months he has started to spend weekends here (he sleeps on the sofa, there's absolutely NOTHING like that going on !). I've started to feel resentful of this unspoken arrangement and like my life and space are being encroached upon. My DD and I moved into our own little home a year ago after renting for years and I'm so proud of it, it's not much but it's OURS. I'm very independent and single intentionally, I have a couple of men in my life that have shown a bit of interest lately but I've made it clear that I only want to be friends, I'm completely done with being beholden to another man again.
So, ExH came here for Christmas - otherwise he'd have been by himself - and we did have a lovely time, we exchanged some small gifts, had a nice dinner. I had to practically crowbar him out of the door to get him to leave and now he's upset as he'd assumed that he could come over here for NYE and I've said an emphatic 'no'. I'm seeing a few mates for a quick drink early on but I want to be with my DD to see in the New Year. I've also told him that I'm not happy that he's started to spend every weekend around here, I feel once again taken for granted just like when we were married. He ordered a new phone the other day and because he wasn't going to be in he gave MY address for the courier to deliver it to ! I think that's been the final straw, actually. It just reeked of cheeky fckery to me and also he won't have the slightest clue how to set it up and so that'll be down to me too - I don't know why I'm still sorting out his sht for him ! I have loads going on in my own life, I work, look after my DD, look after the house and I never ask anyone for anything whereas he's the total opposite, he's never taken any responsibility for the way that his life has turned out but he's let down everyone (his son, his previous ex, his friends, me) with his selfishness.
What do you think as impartial observers ? How do I extricate myself from this obligation I feel to 'look after' him but still remain on good terms ? Is that even possible ? Thanks for reading.