To go with my DS for a tattoo

[Newname71]

DS2 is 18 in May. He’s wanted a tattoo for a long time and has asked if he can have one on his 18th. DH is dead against it ( he hates them) but I’ve said yes and we can go together because I want another one. My reasoning is if I’m there I can guide him to choose something tasteful and not have it anywhere too visible.
DH thinks I should just tell him he can’t have one but he’ll be 18 and we can’t stop him. I’m concerned he’ll just go with his mates and get something ridiculous in a really visible spot.

I know, it was tongue in cheek. It wouldn’t do if we all liked the same things 😁

Garbage. It's at the discretion of the shop.

I bought both my sons tattoo vouchers for their 18ths, that way I was sure they were going to a decent artist who communicates well beforehand.

Tattoos don't have to be deep and meaningful though.

His body, his choice.

If he gets something daft then he can get another put over it eventually.

@Soontobe60 his son is also 12 and is my son's best friend so they nip in and out sometimes. He's not holding them down to practice on them or anything.

Tricky one then. I’d probably have a conversation with DH, explaining DS really wants one and you’re going to support him to make sure it’s not something he will regret, reiterating that DS is now an adult and has to be allowed to make these decisions. Then I’d be asking DS what his plan is, what research has he done into the tattooist, his design etc

It is illegal in the UK to tattoo anyone under the age of 18. They can be in the shop but not the tattooing area

Edit as misread*

That’s good. It is a bit different with your kids though when they’re just becoming adults. He probably just doesn’t want him to regret it. My friends daughter had one at 18 and then had to have it removed as the career she wanted didn’t allow tattoos on show. It’s even more important if yours sons ADHD impacts decision making or anything like that and I can see why your husband would have concerns as a parent.

@MissDoubleU who said my kid was getting tattooed 😂

Edited as soon as I posted because I misread 😂

So what if he has to have it removed though? Like it’s a journey and a choice, which is entirely his to make with his own body. What if he gets it and loves it forever??

The tattoo I got on my 18th birthday I then later had reworked into a larger piece, so still have it. Love it. Mid 30’s now

Tattoo artist here. Please do not go with him to “guide” him. There are few things more frustrating and time wasting for everyone concerned than “ooh don’t you think it should be a bit smaller, what if you got it like this, maybe you should do the other arm…”

If he’s a big boy he can make his decisions. Any decent studio will not have pictures in a book or on the walls, he’ll have to decide what he wants ahead of time and where. Coming in to second guess and micro manage results in a headache for everyone, more confusion and is taking away his adult autonomy. The artist he chooses is the professional and will advise on placement and size if there’s an issue.

You CAN go along as a general social thing IF the studio allows, but not to offer opinions.

I think it’s wise to guide your DS in his choice of tattoo. There’s little you could do to stop him having one even if you wanted to.

Your husband, however, is clearly a man with impeccable taste.

I'm not a fan of big tattoos generally as I think there are too many downsides, the main one being is that it spoils certain looks if you want to present yourself in a certain way and show that particular part of your body. I don't see anything wrong with a discreet and meaningful smaller tattoo, though,but people who get tattoos generally like to show them off, don't they, rather than get them as a "I know it's there" little warm feeling in their heart type of thing, to commemorate someone or something special.

I think that 18 is too young but also that there's nothing you can do about it. The reason I think it's too young is because he'll probably get a design that he dislikes as he grows up (very likely - who likes to present the same way at 18 as they do at age 35?). But you can warn him of that and if he decides to go ahead then it's his own regret to bear, isn't it? He might end up regretting the design and thinking it dated or he might value it as being part of his youth and treasure it even if it DOES look dated in 15 years time! Who knows?

Thank you for your input. He is a big boy but is prone to making stupid decisions. I understand completely how frustrating that would be but I think it’s important to guide him through the planning stage ie: what and where. I don’t want him coming home with a giant knob on his forearm for example because he thought it would be funny.

Because he chose me? 😂

Honestly best thing to do is to go with and help him decide tasteful tattoo/ placement. I got loads at 18 and regret a few of them but hid them from my parents for 6 years. If they had just left me too it I would definitely still had some dodgy ones but not half as many because I could've asked their opinions. He will 100% get them anyway so may as well be supportive about it x

My DD had one on her 18th birthday. It is very small and discreet. I was working on her birthday so I couldn't go with her. My DH was dead against it but it looks really nice - only thing she is she wants more now!!!

Surely you're going to research a decent artist and discuss a design in advance, not just rock up to a walk in?!

Don't do that, make sure he does some research, find someone with a good style/reviews.

I love tattoos but I've spent ££ and many a painful session having shitty teenage tattoos chosen from a book covered up. If you walk in you'll end up with a trendy tattoo that will date and be shit in 10 years - I've had cover ups over a tribal tramp stamp and various dodgy Japanese figures.

It’s not the end of the world if it has to be removed but I think it’s sensible not to rush into it and put thought into it after becoming an adult. It is his choice but it’s normal for parents to still look out for their kids when they’re 18. He has ADHD too.

Time and cost are important factors in removal though. My friends daughter had to wait for another round of recruitment to be considered for the career she wanted.

Posted too soon.

and it has cost quite a lot to remove.

Left it too late to edit. That last sentence would be very insulting to a decent tattoo artist. I know they would never do that, it’s just an example of the sort of thing DS would find funny in the moment and live to regret. Apologies if it did offend anyone.

"Your friend should know very well that under 18s are not allowed into tattoo parlours"

@Soontobe60 of course they are- they are very often combined with piercing studios where those who eschew piercing guns (myself included) prefer to go/ take their kids.

I would go with for the reasons you said. To make sure it's a reputable tattooist. I didn't have mine until mid 30's only have the one on my back. Travelled a few hours to go to the tattoo parlour (they are great). Designed the tattoo and everything.

I know friends that have had them done and regretted it. Turned the green colour and blurred edges. My DD mentioned having one when she's older and I said I would go with her. She needed to really think about what she had and where it's placed.

I have mine on my back as I can cover it if I chose too or have it out on the beach etc. everyone is different :)

Some people really don't like them and that's ok. I didn't imagine having one until I was older.

It’s fine to chat about this but it should all be done before you make an appointment. On the day, any feedback should be left between him and the artist. As you acknowledge, we are professionals who want to do a good job and give people a tattoo that they - and we! - can be proud of. We aren’t in the business of tattooing knobs on people.

Not...tattoo....parlours! What next...ye grand old knocking shoppe!