To expect dh to not go on holiday with the biggest nob in the world???????????

[mosschops30]

Ok bit of backhground, I went on holiday with my mum in March (my father is now too ill to travel) and she wants to go again in september and I would love to go.
dh says I can as long as he can have a boys holiday which is fine.
However part of the group will be the biggest loser ever, a friend of dh's but we had a massive row a few years ago and havent spoke since. He drinks to excess, takes drugs, sleeps with whoever is stupid enough to offer etc.
I said to dh he can go wherever with whoever except for this guy which he thinks is unreasonable because they are a group of friends.
So Ive compromised that as long as they dont share a room I can cope with it.
Even though i trust dh, and know that its will be a big drinking hol, I dont trust this guy to not get them all doing stuff they wouldnt normally do

so AIBU?????

YABU - DH is a grown man and you should trust him that he loves you enough to behave on holiday.

You can't dictate his friends like he can't dictate yours. If by co-incidence he does end up sharing a room with the man what's he going to say "my wife doesn't want me sharing with you"

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well in response to that I know dh is a grown man, but if i said i was going to magaluf with my best friend (who he hates) he would not tolerate it.
The trouble with this group of friends is that they accept his behaviour and go along with each other, no-one ever says 'no actually i dont want to do that' incase they upset the rest of the group (WTTF?) its very insular and cliquey

Honestly - yes, a little I think. You either trust your dh or you don't - yes, his friend can tempt, etc but your dh is an adult (I assume!) and he can choose to say no as and when necessary.

YABU!

Your DH's mate can (and probably will) do loads of stupid stuf, but that doesn't mean your DH will.

If YOU went away with someone who did drugs, you wouldn't just 'go along' and take them too, would you?

(As long as this 'mate' isn't doing anything really badly illegal that could get the whole group into trouble, I'd say no harm done)

I understand, have a similar situation with a similar friend of DH. Have had lots of conversations with DH about it which he always tells me that just because x acts a certain way/plays away etc etc does not mean that he will. So You (and me!)AB a little U!

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YABU and treating DH like a child.

He is a grown up who can make his own decisions. Likewise he cannot tell you if you can or cannot go out with your best friend.

Let him know (if you have to) why you dont like his mate and leave it at that.

all right chequers no need to sound quite so condescending about my relationship thank you!

So i guess IABU better let him book it then!

collison he knows why i dont like his friend, hes a rude arrogant racist twat! god I hate him

Nup, not unreasonable, your DH is being unreasonable - sorry, but why would he want to be in the company of someone who behaves like that, as the other posters have said - he is an adult. Going on holiday with your mum is poles apart from a "boys" holiday - that means one of two things, its either train sets or booze and sex!

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i honestly dont think it will mean sex for dh, in no doubt about that which is why I have no problem with him going. Agree its different to a holiday with my mum but i wouldnt stop dh from going away with the boys if he wanted to

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sorry chequers, some things just sound weird when theyre written and you cant tell the difference

YABU
and
So is he if he would not 'tolerate' you going with one of your friends.

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If it was a one to one holiday with this guy then I think you would not be unreasonable about it but as it is a group thing then this horrible guy has to go too.

It isnt really a question of whether or not you should 'let' DH go though is it? Tell him your concerns and let DH decide.

You arent his Mum Mosschops!!!

hey all thanks for your replies! I told dh that you all said IABU and he was impressed that 'he didnt get a slagging from the MNers'
he's happy now and looking at flights

If they wouldn't normally do it then this guy probably isn't going to be able to persuade them otherwise. Of course if your OH has taken drugs, got outrageously drunk and all the rest of it in the past I would imagine he won't need much persuading.

woops - sorry

I think tis right that you have now agreed to let him go. But milk your tolerance for all it's worth!

Now, if you had worded this a little differently and put 'AIBU to be concerned that....' you would have more people on your side. Because even though, yes, your dh is a grown man who can make his own choices on hol, the fact that this nob is there, may actually change the 'tone' or 'feel' of the atmosphere among these blokes while they are away.

So i feel that YANBU to be concerned that this idiot will be there, but I think YAB(a little)U to expect your dh not to go.

The not sharing a room with him seems an ideal (or as close as you're gonna get) compromise.

Try not to worry!

lol nero I already am

Oh dear, I misread the thread title and was sitting here thinking "If my DH had the biggest nob in the world I wouldn't want him going on holiday without me either", ah, the wine has taken effect!