Performances at yoga class

[Sickofitalltonight]

Just back from a regular yoga class and, yet again, I'm inwardly eye rolling and some people's performative behaviour.

Woman A: has a "twisted ankle", so she has to hold on to the wall for balances. Instead of parking her mat next to the wall, she always plonks herself in the middle of the room and then has to hobble and wince herself to the wall, past other people, several times each class. I work with her - the "twisted ankle" only send to appear in yoga classes.

Woman B: the heavy breather. Can't even walk into the room without heavy, performative sigh-breathing announcing her entrance. Has no actual respiratory issues (yes, I know her well).

Woman C: the slow loris. Makes every moment painfully slow, from taking off her coat, to unrolling her mat. Always with a slightly pained expression. Has no known health issues and doesn't behave like this in any other situation (again, I know this for a fact). I sometimes give her a lift and have to wait ages at the end for her to put her fucking trainers on.

During the last 5 mins relaxation, the heavy breather sounds as though she's orgasming and the slow loris has to slowly and loudly, zip up a fleece and rattle a bag to put her socks on, slowly and with the pained expression. Can't possibly lie and quietly still for 5 minutes without alerting everyone to their presence.

AIBU to be annoyed and perplexed by these performances?

In the class I went to for years we had a heavy breather who turned into a snorer at in the relaxation time at the end. Nothing that draws you out of your relaxed state like someone rattling the windows like that 😂

I stopped going to yoga for this reason, it drove me crazy and I came out feeling more wound up than I went in. I joined the local running club instead and love it. Maybe yoga just isn't for you.

And yet you are the only one of them not practicing yoga. Show up on your mat and focus on your own breath, body and movement. It's like you've missed the whole essence of yoga.

IME it is usually the 'teacher' who is the performer in yoga classes. There is hardly ever any actual teaching going on, just a 'look at me' with my beautiful figure/flexible body/ability to do a handstand on one hand (yes, I am exaggerating) as the teacher moves from pose to pose while the rest of us crane our necks to see and struggle as best we can to approximate the move or pose, with no guidance whatsoever. No idea how you qualify as a yoga teacher but most of them probably should not be doing it. They should be able to give advice and alternatives for class participants with, for example, knee problems, but IME they never do.

There'll be a whole host of new people daring themselves to join a class and wondering if people will dislike them.
I would tell them to join and enjoy and nobody will notice them or judge them.
I think op has just ruined that.

I have never been so grateful for the lovely little hot yoga class I go to.

I used to go to a class with a man who had to do a handstand between every pose in a flow. It took all my strength not to laugh at him.

come on, the first one refusing to stay near a wall they need is just that, an attention seeker. Normal people, not just the shy ones, would just not make a fuss.

You don't need heavy breathing exercise before a class start either, you are not trying to break the world record of freediving, it's yoga class for goodness sakes.

It would annoy most people.

One of my teachers even reminds people that there needs to be no performance in what you do during class. God knows what people would say about me cos I can't do half the bloody poses hahaha. I once overheard someone calling me 'awful.dot.com' at a dance class where I was mismatched with the level.

I'm talking about the OP's yoga class. If everyone on the planet irritates you that's your problem to address I think.

Doesn’t sound like yoga is working for you, eh?! Try Body Combat and get those frustrations out!!

That’s what I was wondering

Time for you to get performance flatulence at yoga

Woman C sounds like she comes from West Sussex. Those sort of people are widespread in and around my home town, they are the ones that drive everywhere as though their car will explode if it exceeds 40 mph, including when joining free flowing motorways.

I tried yoga once for a bit as I thought it would help improve flexibility. Unfortunately after a too large a ramp-up in techniques during one session and because the arthritis in my big toe prevented me from properly doing several of the poses, I gave up. Sometimes you have to admit you are not cut out for something.

Yes I agree, it’s always about us. There’s a bloke at my gym who moves equipment so he has his own little circuit area. He moves a rower over to the other side of the gym and annexes a few pieces. It’s quiet so he’s not preventing anyone from using stuff but I want to kill him. It’s all about me rule following and not taking risks and being the good girl.

I never notice what anyone else is doing in yoga, I don't even look at the teacher most of the time but go by her voice.

Very entertaining thread. sitting here giggling. I go to a yoga class for us older ones, chair based, no crawling about on the floor (we'd never get up again without a forklift truck) . No show-offs at all. All lovely people and our teacher is a wonderful young woman. Serious and fun at the same time.

This was a struggle to read. Why so much focus on others? I get that other people showing off is a PITA but the whole point of yoga is to step away from distractions

I do yoga with a company that deliberately offers very different sorts of classes. Some are more spiritual, and some won't care if your phone goes off because your child needs collecting from school. My favourite is the middle-aged ladies one, where giggling is allowed. The over 65s are very welcoming too and all drink tea together afterwards. There's also a very clinical one where the teacher turns up with a skeleton and explains what the focus will be that day.
You pay a monthly subscription and just book the lesson you fancy at the time.

They did yoga at my old workplace. I present thee with the senior partner parper. A bit of downward facing dog and all hell would break lose. I just used to listen from the outside.

I used to do a lot of hot yoga. I mean daily. The point is 'a moving meditation' and yes a focus on oneself but it's bloody difficult if someone next to you or in front drops in a random stretch or pose or is hopping around on their mat right in your sightline while you are focusing on standing on one leg. The polite thing to do is to stand/sit quietly and motionless so not to distract others rather than main charactering yourself.

You don’t sound very nice.
Go to another class or stay at home and do something from YouTube.

A: probably an ongoing ankle issue that is most painful when barefoot and it's not being supported by her shoes.

B: either breathing technique or is trying to calm down because of anxiety in the situation

C: back pain, stiffness, inflammatory arthritis of some kind.

D: not quite understood that the purpose is to concentrate upon yourself, not what others are doing.