Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not get married?

9 replies

ShamalaHamela · 30/12/2024 12:02

Been together about ten years, I have DS, divorced from their father when they were toddlers, so I've no blinkers on the fact that marriage is a legal contract not just a big day out in a white dress. DC have known him since they were little. Get on beautifully, he's very respectful of them, knows they are priority and always have been, and is a great addition and influence in their lives, he feels v lucky to be a part of theirs, he's no DC of his own. We kept our own houses, spend time at both, but live seperately.

Planning to move into his in the summer of '25, it's larger and better position and we would all like to spend more time together. DC on board and looking forward to it. No mortgage on mine, about £250k on his. His worth about £100k more than mine.

I have my own business, he earns about £70k, me a bit less, both have similar amount of savings, no debt other than mortgage, he has solid career with good pensions, I have no pension.

Should we get married? If we don't get married, what would be a reasonable set up financially when we move in together? And what else do I need to put in place regarding Wills and whatnot? Or Prenup if we do? How much should we both be contributing and to what to keep things fair for both parties, I'll have the rent coming in from my house which would be around £1k a month.

I'm answering my own questions and feeling like I need to seek professional advice, but if anyone else can chip in with experience please do!

OP posts:
Rocknrollstar · 30/12/2024 16:04

Are you going to let your house? If not married you aren’t entitled to anything if you split up

Nerdlings · 30/12/2024 16:08

Some more information needed:

  • Would you both be paying an equal amount to the house?
  • Will you both be named on the deeds and the mortgage?

There are other considerations when marrying too. You will potentially be entitled to half of each others savings, pensions and other assets, and he will be entitled to half of you house.

Prenups are not legally binding in the UK. The judge may take one into account but this is far from guaranteed, especially if it favours one person over the other

Whoknew24 · 30/12/2024 16:11

Live together at least 18 months full time then decide this. The amount of people I know in similar situation who moved in together fell apart within 18-24 months.

You're in no hurry both ok for money and both have a home so both got a good foundation. If after living together for a while you feel marriage is right then go for it. No trying to be a Debbie downer but being sensible is safe for you all.

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/12/2024 16:14

Don't sell your house and don't get married.

ShamalaHamela · 30/12/2024 18:10

Rocknrollstar · 30/12/2024 16:04

Are you going to let your house? If not married you aren’t entitled to anything if you split up

Letting out my house, yes.

OP posts:
ShamalaHamela · 30/12/2024 18:14

Nerdlings · 30/12/2024 16:08

Some more information needed:

  • Would you both be paying an equal amount to the house?
  • Will you both be named on the deeds and the mortgage?

There are other considerations when marrying too. You will potentially be entitled to half of each others savings, pensions and other assets, and he will be entitled to half of you house.

Prenups are not legally binding in the UK. The judge may take one into account but this is far from guaranteed, especially if it favours one person over the other

We haven't nailed down who will be paying for what yet, I'm thinking we will both chuck an equal amount into a joint account every month and pay for everything out of that? Or am I missing a trick?

I'm going to keep hold of my house so I guess he will own his, I will own mine so his mortgage and both of the sets of deeds would remain unchanged?

Our savings are currently about equal, mine slightly more but that will fluctuate with holidays and whatnot.

I'm already down as the beneficiary for his main pension should he kick the bucket.

OP posts:
ShamalaHamela · 30/12/2024 18:15

Whoknew24 · 30/12/2024 16:11

Live together at least 18 months full time then decide this. The amount of people I know in similar situation who moved in together fell apart within 18-24 months.

You're in no hurry both ok for money and both have a home so both got a good foundation. If after living together for a while you feel marriage is right then go for it. No trying to be a Debbie downer but being sensible is safe for you all.

This sounds sensible, I feel he's keener from a romantic point of view, has never been married while I feel a bit once bitten twice shy!

OP posts:
FrangipaniBlue · 30/12/2024 19:47

If you aren't going to get married and you plan to keep your house then I don't think you should pay anything towards his mortgage.

But you should pay at least half the household bills (if not more as you have 2 DC living with you) plus half towards any "upkeep" of the house while you live there.

Basically don't pay for anything that either increases the value of his house or decreases the balance on his mortgage capital.

That way if anything happens and you split you can both just walk away with your own houses and there's no argument/dispute over who has paid what towards which.

If you did get married you should start paying towards the mortgage because if you divorce, half his house becomes yours (and vice versa).

Personally in your situation I don't think I'd bother getting married though.

ShamalaHamela · 30/12/2024 21:39

Thankyou

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page