I hate my life.

[DorianMeile]

I have one DC. 6yo with SEN. I've been single since he was born as it's impossible to date when you have a SEN child who sees his dad 2 days a month. Family used to help a lot but don't want to have him anymore because he's such hard work. Left his dad due to domestic abuse. He bought me out of the house and I have no money left. Living in rented, earn 30k a year and constantly trying to improve my wage but getting nowhere as I need flexible hours. Can't get a lifetime isa to save for a house because I've owned one before though was forced to leave. Basically I'm single, lonely, sad, skint, exhausted and I don't see the point in my life because I am just miserable. I exist to keep my son alive. Don't want to do this anymore.

Gosh. It all sounds very hard op.
I have 2 DS’s with ADHD and you have my sympathy on the not sleeping thing. Working full time on no sleep is torture!
Circadin (melatonin) was a game changer for us. We had to jump through a lot of hoops like go to a “sleep clinic” but when we got it… wow.
The first night of taking it the youngest DS was asleep by 8pm. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was used to spending hours trying to get him to settle and sleep.
Everything seems less stressful if you can get a full nights sleep. X

This sounds crap OP. What a bad hand you have been dealt in the parenting card game. No advice, just sympathy.

This makes me so sad. Your own parents sound horribly unsupportive of you. You are working incredibly hard and have done an amazing job to get away from dv. You've clearly doing everything you can to support your son but no one is supporting you which can get totally overwhelming at times, and is probably worse of the holidays as you are both out of your usual routines and being bombarded with happy families type imagery. Sending you a huge hug.

Also for the sleeping, what has the gp said about this? Surely his lack of sleep would entitle you to carers allowance if you have to stay awake to keep him safe? You have to keep going back, conplain about how it's impacting your mental health....and don't hold back....otherwise they won't give you any support.

Letter from landlord increasing the rent I think

Of course you are a fantastic, hard working parent, OP. I can't believe your parents haven't told you that. They sound terrible. But at least your friends should tell you. I found parenting very hard with NT DC and a supportive husband. I totally get the need for validation.

You are amazing.
You are holding down a job
You escaped DV setting a good example to your son.
You are doing school runs, which I imagine helps your son feel secure and loved.

I hope other SEN parents have some practical advice shortly.

If you're not sleeping, OP everything else must feel terrible. Have you had support from your GP with your child's sleeplessness? If not that could be a good starting point for accessing specialist help.

You're doing a great job in very difficult circumstances 💐

Who has him when you're working in the evenings? Or do you WFH?

Aw OP big hug, you are a grafter and sound like an incredible Mum.
Where are you from? My son has mild ASD and behaviours it is really tough at times, made tougher when you're doing most of the work. Would you consider speaking to your GP about your mental health x

OP you’re doing an amazing job. I hear the despair in your voice and I completely understand why. Running on not enough sleep is hard, your child’s SEN are hard, parenting alone is hard. I’m so sorry.

You're not doing anything wrong, It feels hard because it is hard. It will get easier as he gets older.

I just wonder, would you be able to have a frank conversation with someone at school and ask if they can help find someone to give you respite care? I know there are strict rules but I also know that these rules can be blurred in some circumstances (a newly retired teacher I know has some children for weekend respite care from the school she used to teach at for example).

They might be able to help find someone who fully understands your child’s SEN who would be happy to help?

I also wonder if anyone could come and just hang out with you at home a bit? Would that help? Someone to make supper while you’re doing bedtime and watch some telly with you while you eat? Very low key but just some company.

I really feel for you. Please keep posting, call helplines, ask friends for a chat etc. It’s so isolating caring for a child on your own.

Hi. I'm a single parent to a child with autism with a PDA profile. It's very very hard and you have all my sympathy. I work full time and feel like a zombie most of the time. However, I earn more than you and get more UC than you. Have you checked you are getting everything.

If your child is difficult to manage you will definitely get some DLA. If you get DLA make sure you get the extra UC you are entitled to. I know you have a long wait but you will get the DLA back paid. Use it to pay off some debt and maybe a nice weekend away for your DC. Then start afresh and try and carve out as much time for yourself as you can. I've started going for long walks in my lunch hour listening to podcasts. Maybe use the extra money to pay for a sitter experienced with SEN children and take yourself off for a few hours.

It's really tough, mine is 13 and we're having an awful time with hormones.

Thanks yes I work from home.

We used to get babysitters for special needs in my area, I wonder if there's anything like this in your area?

For the babysitting service they always sent 2 trained volunteers and they were limited to a maximum of 4 hours, but it was a godsend for me at the time.

They also used to put on a 2 day Xmas 'club' where you could leave your child with multiple trained helpers so that you could go Xmas shopping or just have a break.

They were a charity, and I only found out about them by accident, so maybe try googling something like 'special needs child babysitting' to see if anything exists in your area?

It sounds really tough....I'm sorry op.

You say your ds doesn't sleep...I imagine the lack of sleep is making you feel worse and if you could sleep properly, this would help you a lot. Have you spoken to a dr about his sleep? Sorry if that's an obvious question

Oh I feel for you so much, my son is 6 & non verbal autistic with ADHD. There are so few support groups, and we can't leave him with a babysitter, and have no family close by - handling that alone must push you to breaking point.

Have you got a disability social worker? I would push the LA for one or explain you are in crisis and need respite care.

I know it's an extra job when you are probably already overwhelmed. I'm so sorry life is so tough x

Also I would say that often DLA gets refused on first attempt, it did for us.

Don't be afraid to detail your very worst day & if there is any additional evidence you can gather use that too.

We are entitled to the High rate care, as our son wakes frequently & we can't leave him during the night (self injurious behaviours etc)

Dad needs to step up, although you said there were DV issues but if there's anyway he can do more he should.

Thanks. Yes I have. He's had a sleep study and he had mild sleep apnoea. He will grow out of it apparently. It's mainly behavioural and we've been referred for support from local sleep charity but there's a long waiting list.

He lives 4 hours away and to be honest the less contact he has the better. He is not a good dad or person.

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